Tuesday, June 16, 2020

I can’t stand married people

The middle of June 2020, Toronto is still under lockdown, no restaurants and no haircuts... Since March we have stepped outside of what is considered normal, we have entered a place that is unfamiliar and uncomfortable, we have found ourselves in a strange circumstances. I am observing carefully...

People are becoming more and more selfish. They are afraid for their families, kids, their job, house, they are afraid for themselves. More they have, more they fear. People with kids are the most selfish, my God, they have to look after their children.

In the last six months of my life, since this coronavirus started, I have changed my attitude towards relationship and particularly love. I'm simply not into it so much like before. I'm free to say I've stopped believing in love.

Nothing lasts and nothing remains. I think every relationship is just a passing show of two people, that were complete strangers and they got together by the circumstances and they imagine there are strong ties between them.

My experience tells me that if something ties the relationship it is sex and nothing else. You may disagree with me and say that there are other factors that tie two complete strangers (like kids) but that is just your wishful thinking.

There is something I wanted to write for quite some time. After divorce, here in Toronto, I don't have a single friend who is married. All my friends, males or females are divorced. I know a lot of married people but they simply cut me off from friendship. They are not calling me for their barbecues, kid's birthdays and other family gatherings because they know what I think about them.

You see, I can’t stand married people. I can’t stand their false happiness.

In my experience, I have learned that the marriage, as an institution of family life, doesn’t work.

Married people are trying a lot of things, but still they can’t understand how to make their marriage work. Things are going from bad to worse, so by the 40 they are facing real possibility of divorce. So, they go on Google search looking for marriage advice. This is good because they are seeing the problem, and admitting that there is a problem is halfway solving it. Now, I want to give them a very straight advice for their troubled marriage.

Get divorce as soon as possible, you will save time, energy and money.

But, lets go from the beginning...

You meet someone, get in love, you start living with a partner. Your family is demanding a wedding and lots of babies, so you do it.

According to wedding toasts, romantic movies, love songs, and various religious texts, the marriage is meant to last forever. Can you imagine? Nothing less but forever. And that is a long, long time. The expectation is high but actually living out that promise is quite another thing.

I can't stand married people because they pretend that lead a meaningful life.

Even the happiest, healthiest marriages have a great amount of bullshit. On the surface all is polished and looking nice but the deep inside reality is that one of the spouse is already boiling an invisible, toxic hate that leads to the ugly but unavoidable loss of passion.

Women in marriage, behind their kitchen sink, feel perpetually bored and frustrated. The lack of compassion and kindness from a husband is so obvious.

On other hand, the husband's anger tends to be centered not in frustration over tasks and responsibilities, but in a longing for love, fun, meaning, and a desire for a deeper connection with wife.

Married men feel emotionally neglected by their partners, they are left craving the interest, attention, and affection they see their wives lavishing on their children. They miss the easy, fun passion their relationship once held.

I can't stand married people because they have no courage to face reality.

Not seeing the obvious, they end up sleeping in different beds, having different schedules, they stop discussing their inner lives and simply they no longer look to each other for much of anything anymore.

For me, the sex is the main cornerstone of a good relationship. Very soon after their marriage they have stopped having sex multiple times a day, that is unimaginable to them. After 10 or more years in marriage they're both physically and mentally stressed for sex and it goes on days, months or even years without it.

It is known truth that sexual attraction is significantly diminished, the day you sign on that marriage certificate, just like depreciation of the car's value in the moment of buying it.

Married people try to replace sex with intimacy, this how they call it. However it is called, it has no real value. The intimacy in a marriage starts with two couples living together as if they were roommates and ends up in divorce filled with anger and resentment.

I read the net about this subject and I found very good youtube video, a teaching from Prof. Dr. Jordan Peterson which I like. What’s the key to a healthy, long, and fruitful marriage? It’s the million dollar question, and one Dr. Peterson, a clinical psychologist and a professor at the University of Toronto, gave ten minutes lecture about "trust".

He began by touching on the importance of physical chemistry, noting that "there are weird and mysterious things that determine whether or not people are sexually and physically attracted to one another." Peterson says physical attraction is a "very important part of a marital relationship," but it’s much less important than the trust.

"There is no marriage that is successful without trust," he says. "You have to tell each other the truth." Sounds easy, right? Well, actually no. He explains:

Telling the truth to someone is no simple thing. Because there’s a bunch of things about all of us that are terrible and weak and reprehensible and shameful, and all of those things have to be brought out into the open and dealt with.

He goes by saying that the true honesty is so difficult. We all have baggage, and we all want to hide it. And that there is a natural tendency to avoid being open with someone "who can run away screaming when you reveal who you are." It's for this reason, Peterson says, that humans make marriage an inseparable bond.

Peterson said the one must be absolutely committed to marriage for it to be successful. The marriage is an act of mutual submission... and when I heard that, at that moment, I shut down the youtube video. I could not hear anything more stupid than that. It’s one of the most unhonest marriage description I’ve seen. Dr. Peterson is a married man and his defense of marriage is understandable.

Share this article on Facebook