Sunday, June 7, 2020

Interaction with others

My task of self-realization is of such importance and seriousness, it demands such intensity of efforts, that to attempt it in my old, lazy, usual way of behaving is impossible. Freedom and seriousness.

Not kind of seriousness which looks out under knitted eyebrows with pursed lips, carefully restrained gestures and words filtered through the teeth, but the kind of seriousness that means determination and persistence, intensity and constancy.

In order to fulfill my task, the life as it is lived so far is finished. Since I got divorced and especially now, after death of my twin sister, I've become aware that my ordinary life has been forever left behind, that self-realization is indeed frightening affair.

Starting from today, in my daily life I'm going to set strict rules of my new behavior. I know that self-importance and self-pity are my worst enemies. I need to change my behavior in such a way to eliminate this individual self that have rob me from power.

From now on, every interaction with another person will be a battlefield. At all times I should be ready and aware.

You see, I have learned to think that my actions are important so I've seen the world trough the self-importance. I've looked at myself  taking myself as something. Not anymore. I'm going to replace the importance of myself with laughing at myself.

I'm going to live my life by acting, not by thinking about acting.

Nothing is important anymore. I have no honor, no dignity, no name, no country but only life to be lived and under this circumstances I have no real ties to anyone.

I'm not concerned about liking people or with being liked myself. I will not waste my energy by worrying about such things.

I'm going to be very careful, crystal clear and deadly sure of myself of what and why I am doing what I am doing.

In the interaction I am not going to force any issues, I'll be always at ease with others but dispassionate, outside of everything, completely detached.

I will never mention not existing person, I will not say anything about others. For the person in front of me I will never say what that person should do. I will stop imposing my will on others, I'll never confront anyone bluntly. And I'll not plan what to say to anyone, I will be fluid and spontaneous.

I'll stop explaining myself and my acts, there is nothing to be explained. All explanations are self-importance.

I'm going to be dispassionate, and have no compassion for anybody. I have no business following people in their up and downs. To have compassion means that I want people to be like me. The hardest thing in the world is to leave the people and let them be as they are.

And the last thing, I'd never say things idly. I'm going to be careful about what I say to anybody.

From now on, I consider any kind of activity with people, no matter how minute or unimportant, as a battlefield. In each battle I'm going to perform my best, being at ease and open.