Let me begin by telling you that yesterday I contacted two my ex girlfriends.
First, I sent message to my narcissistic ex girlfriend, telling her that I
have taken her off the caller blocked list. I also told her that does not mean
she should call me, it just means that I am okay with her. I sounds stupid, I
know. What I wanted to say, I really don't know. I deleted her phone number
immediately after I sent that message.
The second one was my Romanian ex girlfriend. I exchanged couple of text
messages with her and we met later in the evening. She parked her car in my
condo and we went for a long walk in High Park. Later we went for a dinner at
Kennedy's and then she went home. I called her to come upstairs, she didn't
want, she said she is going for a camping early in the morning. I did not
insist, let her go her own way.
Yesterday, when we walked and talked, I realized that I should never get
back with any of my ex girlfriends.
Almost all my relationships were like a yo-yo dating - we got together as a
couple, then we broke up, then we got together again, then we broke up, start,
fail, start, fail. My problem is that after the break up I easily forget the
reason why we broke up and I allowed myself to get together again hoping
things are changed and it could be different this time around.
But, I was always wrong, my ex girlfriends and myself are still
who we were before so getting together will never work out. There are reasons
why we broke up at first place and that reasons are still here.
I don’t believe in romantic love
Listen, if you in love with someone, good for you. I am happy for you and your
chosen one. But, I know there is not such thing and that you're just fooling
around with the idea that you are in love.
I’m a pretty open person, so here on my blog I share many details about my
life, maybe too many, but I don't care. In the last 7 years since I'm
divorced, I’ve done pretty much of dating. I broke the women's heart and I had
my heart broken.
Going backwards to my past, to those days, I really wanted to be
unforgettable. I wanted to be a boyfriend, not just one night stand. I wanted
someone who will truly love me. I wanted to have memories of travels and
passion. I wanted laughter... well I wanted love. But to be quite honest,
scratch all this, the truth is, I really did not know what I wanted!
I like watching romantic comedies, you know, they get together, they have a
wonderful time, then they breakup and they are going all sad about their life
and then they meet again... and they live happily ever after. I like those
movies.
The fact is, I'm a romantic. I use to believe in love. I loved my ex wife the
most, with all my heart, I cried from happiness on our wedding day, and now,
now I hate her. How pathetic is that?!
After carefully analyzing my experiences and experiences of my divorced
friends and observing married couples around me, I would be very naive to
believe that true love is something real. I believe in strong sexual
affection. I believe in infatuation, the surges of oxytocin. I believe that
you can really care about someone having extremely tender feelings, but there
is no such thing as "love".
Love is a beautiful as a concept, but unfortunately, it is just
imagination.