Tuesday, September 1, 2020

Would it be wrong to have an affair?

Slowly, in a gradual manner, I came to realize that my understanding of women goes only as far as sex is concerned.

After my divorce in 2013, I conducted an extensive research program in the filed of female sexuality. I focused my research on two primary sexual strategies: long-term and short-term dating.

A man could lose his identity fucking around too much. ― Charles Bukowski, Women

Lets start with married life. Here is the short summary of it. It is so well described by this honest confession coming from a woman (45) who wanted to remain anonymous...

I like sex. I have been married for 15 years, but my husband has never sexually attracted me. We hang out nicely with our three children, we support each other and we have a lot of friends, but we don't match sexually.

His body has never been attractive to me. It never excited me. We didn’t have sex while we were in a relationship, but we waited to do it in marriage. It never occurred to me that it would be so bad.

In 14 years, I had one or two orgasms with him. I faked them until I realized it didn’t help anyone. He is intimately delighted with me, and that irritates me because it is by no means mutual.

If I tried to talk to him about it, he would tell me that there was nothing wrong with him and that I would relax if we did it more often. However, while we were in bed, I would have to tell him what to do and in what way, and that started to bother me.

I recently ran into my ex-boyfriend and the very thought of him triggers feelings I can’t shake off, so today I’m dissatisfied, sexually frustrated, angry and thinking about adultery.

What should I do?

At first, I have thought that female sexual psychology was complex but the female sexual behavior can be traced only on two things - the two big O - ovulation and orgasm.

The hidden rhythms of the ovulation cycle is directly related to women's sexual desire. The orgasm, once thought by many scientists to be function-less, turned out to be the one of the most important accomplishments (and why not say - discoveries) of the 21st century.

We live in the age of female sexual awakening where women don't want to fake orgasm anymore but they are going after real sexual satisfaction.

The reasons why women have sex, ranging from "to get rid of a headache" to "to get closer to God", from "to become emotionally connected with partner" to "to get married to successful man", from "because life is short and we could die at any moment" to "to get my boyfriend to shut up".

And yet with all my discoveries, I feel that I am still at the beginning of the exploration and I am humbled by how little I still know.  As my research focusing on female sexuality, I'm inherently limited by my male brain. In recent years I am focusing on the women aging 40 and plus.


I noticed that not all women are not the same, there are exceptions, but nearly 70% of women of age 40 and up suffer from loss of sexual desire. The sex drive usually decline after the birth of the child, somewhere in late 30ties.

"I just became less and less interested in sex," says 42 years old Lisa mother of two. "Eventually, it wasn't on the agenda at all. Not that I wasn't interested in the idea - but it just didn't do anything for me. My answer was to throw myself wholeheartedly into my business and everything else, so I wouldn't think about the problem."

When a woman loses interest in sex, the impact on her partner is a serious thing.

"There is no question that this is causing depression and a whole host of headaches, pains and other apparently unconnected physical problems," says Mike Perring, a GP and sexual psychotherapist. "Good sex is part of general well-being for most people."

To simplify things, most of the women over 40 are not into sex anymore. They do have sex in the beginning of the relationship, but once they "have a guy", they don't feel that way anymore. For women such as these, sex is a tool they use, and not a fun activity they enjoy.

Back in May 2016 I had conversation on match.com with a nice looking 40-something lady...


Why she lost her desire for sex is a mystery. The sexual intercourse, sexual desire and in the end the satisfaction... it is disgusting, like animals. Sexual thoughts, erotic fantasies, and daydreams are not on her agenda.

As a teenager said...  "I'm sorry, but I'm really sick of this stupid stereotype. Don't get me wrong, I love pleasing my man with some BJ, but I don't fucking want flowers." Women after 40, do want flowers.




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