Wednesday, July 29, 2020

Too many deal-breakers

Wednesday, it is around 7 pm and I just woke up. I went for a nap around 4:30 pm and slept until now. Yesterday I had a strong practice with all strengthening poses and I felt tired this morning for the practice. Also I was busy at work and I made beans soup for my daughter. It took me over 3 hours of cooking, from 9 am to the noon.

I was rushing because I was expecting my daughter to come and pick up the beans soup. I wanted to give her a ride back to her home but she texted me and said... tomorrow dad. I was so disappointed.

I will see if she comes tomorrow or I had to go to her home to deliver the lunch. I told her I am not an uber eats driver. I texted my ex, if she can pick up the meal, but she was at work. She said next week. I replayed, I am on the yoga retreat next week.

I'm really pissed of at this moment. But it is what it is. I should not sleep this afternoon, it makes things worse. I usually avoid sleeping during a day but today I had no choice. Now I'm drinking a coffee and after I post this article I'll do 16th yoga practice in July.

I deleted Bumble, online dating app today. I counted, I had 22 contacts, where we both swiped right meaning liked each other. I had 3 phone numbers exchanged and ... and nothing. I did not meet any of those women. Is it me or it is not dating time? Too many deal-breakers, go figure.

The serbian folk song, with hilarious lyrics:

Why do you ask me how I live?
You know very well how I live and what I do.
You know that well.
Why do you ask me where I'm going?
You know very well where I am going and what I am doing.
You know that well.
Why do you ask me if I'm happy?
You know very well that I am happy and what I do.
You know that well.

My friends, this life is like a dream, it appears that we are living, swiping left and right, that we are growing up, earning, getting old, laughing and crying... for some time... and then the show ends. And we call it a journey.

Why are we conditioned thinking that we are on a journey?, fuck me if I know. Life has no explanations to give you. It is an empty, meaningless flow of events that just go on and on...

We want to think we are immortal, but we aren’t. We behave like we're immortal, we have no notion of our own death. We always want more and better and we're striving to reach goals, objectives and we're saving for a retirement in order to start living. Well not me, but majority of people do.

No matter how hard we try, money will not buy us happiness. Stop accumulating, life is about living. And stop spending your money on useless crap.

Really, thank you for trying to make people happy. Whatever we do, people will never be pleased with us. If you want to make a real difference in the world, leave them as they are. Don't avoid them, just let them be as they are.

Unless you are living in the present, like me 😏 hahaha, you are wasting your life.  All the stuff we're worried about doesn’t really matter. Hopefully, we’ll see that we still have time to do the things we actually always wanted to do. Hurry, you might not wake up tomorrow so don’t put off what you can do today until tomorrow. You might not get the second chance.

We will never have enough time. Do the best you can with what you have. But if you want to really enjoy life, you need to get to collect yourself fast and cut the crap out of your life and realize your own bullshit so you can spend time on the things that matter to you.

Be your damn Self. Capital "S", not this shitty daily self... and do whatever fuck you want!

Do you want a glass of beer? Then just drink a beer. Do you want a piece of chocolate? Don’t be gross about it, and don’t eat a chocolate three meals a day. But I beg you stop beating yourself up about it and just eat.

Do. Whatever. The Fuck. You Want. The life is your show. It is your universe. Who else knows about your thoughts and feelings? There is no one else there, you are completely on your own. Everything is available to you. No one else can lead you, pull you, push you or carry you.

You are on your own, just like anyone else. Until final deal-breaker comes, I call it the show-stopper. A show-stopper is so fantastic, it is actually the best thing in the entire show.


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