Sunday, July 5, 2020

Zee - the Rising Sun

My real name is Zoran. "Ra" is the sun, "an" means rising. In my native language "Zora" means dawn. No wonder that my favorite thing is to get up early and enjoy sunrise.

The morning is quiet as the world still sleeping, the perfect time for some quiet sitting - focus, introspection, orientation. No kids yelling, no babies crying, no wife complaining, no television noise. I enjoy watching how the day slowly gets brighter, when the dark sky turns to light blue, when the brilliant colors of the sun paint over the sky. What a glorious moment! Really.

The purpose in life is to enjoy it but don't assume that enjoying life is to be constantly happy. Sometimes you’re sad or angry or depressed. Don't fight it, like it’s wrong, just relax and ride it through until it’s over.

You live like this, sheltered, in a delicate world, and you believe you are living.
Then you read a book… or you take a trip… and you discover that you are not living, that you are hibernating.
The symptoms of hibernating are easily detectable: first, restlessness.
The second symptom (when hibernating becomes dangerous and might degenerate into death): absence of pleasure.
That is all.
It appears like an innocuous illness. Monotony, boredom, death.
Millions live like this (or die like this) without knowing it. They work in offices. They drive a car. They picnic with their families. They raise children. And then some shock treatment takes place, a person, a book, a song, and it awakens them and saves them from death.
Some never awaken.
- Anaïs Nin, The Diary of Anaïs Nin, Vol. 1: 1931-1934

Live - live fully, live passionately.

I'm 55 and I'm single. I haven’t done a lot of dating recently so, I'm risking to sound frustrated but it is true, my dating is nonexistent. I don't approach women in public. I don't do a small talk and certainly not asking them for a date, because women stopped requiring that. Coronavirus and all that... if I do so, I could be seen as a weirdo.

The woman I met on friend's party visited me at my place last Thursday. We talked, drank some beer and she left. I did not hear from her since then. Well... I made a mistake, I told her that I like her. And when you put somebody on a pedestal, they have no choice but to look down on you. I have forgotten this important rule.

She told me she has "somebody" meaning she has a guy who fucks her regularly. That makes me wonder why women who has "somebody" in their life come to my apartment and have a beer with me. What is the reason? Am I so interesting for conversation and "lets be the friends" bullshit?


July... I declare it as my yoga month.

It is the month of persistence and hard work. I decided to improve my yoga practice. In next three weeks I will do 5 practices per week. I will do Half Primary Ashtanga Yoga with all strengthening postures and full closing sequence. The practice will take me more then an hour. So be it.

April was a fantastic month. 16 practices while in May and June I had 14 practices each. Not so bad considering the circumstances. But July must be at least 20 practices.

Then comes August, and I have planned yoga retreat from 1st to 9th. I will take a vacation and do yoga twice a day. Unfortunately I will do that at my home, no traveling this time.


What a glorious sunrise!
Are you looking for love? 😎

Life? This bland little life we are dozing through. What are we really doing? Nothing.

In my case, I'm just watching events roll out in front of my eyes. What else can I do? Something more important going? Like what? My plans? My career? My self-image fantasies?

The truth is I have nothing to do. I am alive, but I don't really have anything to do while alive. I have no ambition, nowhere to go, no one to be or become. I don't need to distract myself from anything or convince myself of anything. There is nothing that I think isn't as it should be, and I have no interest in how others see me. I have nothing to guide me.

I don't seem to be too bored or unhappy about it, so I guess it sounds weird.

So my friend, you who had the patience to read this to the end...  have an affair! Cheat on your spouse until you're still desirable.. be wicked, be brave, be drunk, be reckless, be dissolute, be despotic, be an anarchist, be anything you like...

Love yourself, accept yourself, forgive yourself, do anything you want... live fully, live passionately.

At the end of the day, there will be no excuses, no explanations, no regrets. Excuses, explanations and regrets are for the uninteresting, apologetic people, for those afraid to laugh or cry, for those afraid to live and die.


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