Thursday, August 13, 2020

No, this is not a love story but it is a story about love

You may say that true love exists but I will argue. Although there is Love that is very unique, human beings are repetitive creatures, so there is a common thread behind meaning of love. I am trying to discover it and describe it... if I 'm wrong so be it.

The love we know at the age of 20 is not the same as the one at the age of 30, and especially not the one at the age of 40.

No, this is not a love story

When you are young, you somehow quickly stick to average Joe. Well, without thinking about how much he's worth, what his parents are like, whether he has mental disorders in the family or not... you just dive into that love, lose your head. The only thing that matters is that he is beautiful and handsome, that he looks at you kindly and that he is always there for you.

And even if you don't have anything in common, it doesn't matter - it's important that sex is good. And if you break up after a year, it also passes easily, with angry messages, calls and drunken nights with the friends. You may promise yourself that you will never get over it, that you will suffer but that suffering is not something that really lasts.

And then you meet someone new, you fall in love again, beyond measure and you love him, he loves you... until your or his feelings fade away. The same pattern repeats until somewhere in your 30s you realize that love simply does not exist.

You have started to think that love is the delusion and that you will never fall in love, that you are done with men, that you know them very well and that you don't need them ...

And then you meet some guy over there. He's your friend first. You're not in love with losing your head, you're fine. You need a person with whom everything is simple, and he is just like that - nothing complicates, the relationship is easy.

You're 32 now and you're thinking with your brain. You need someone to build a family with and convince yourself that it is Love. Now everything is as it should be: respect and trust. But there is something missing, so...

A child was born. You convince yourself that everything is fine now and that is how it should be.

And then one evening, while he is taking a shower, you notice that messages are coming to him. One after another. Even though you don't have a habit, you pick up the phone and open the message. Someone's boobs pops up in front of you and the text: "Do you like it?"

Hell is on its way. Everything is falling apart. He says that it is nothing serious, just a flirtation, that it doesn't last long, that he will give it all up... But, you start thinking about divorce but you will do nothing about it.

You simply can't understand what's happening to you. He has a child with you, you are a family. The fact that he doesn't have that passion like in the movie doesn't matter, because the movie is a lie, it's all a lie...

The years go by, you're already 40. Sex? Well we practice it. Yes, we have sex. Maybe not every month, but when it was, we definitely had sex in May?

That's normal - you convince yourself. The hormones have calmed down, you already have a big child, you live harmoniously. The main thing is to have a family, that everything inside the house is calm and stable. Your love is like that.

And suddenly, like thunder from a clear sky, you meet him. On the Internet. At work. At a parent interview meeting. A new colleague came to the firm. The husband visited a colleague. It doesn't matter how you met him, but you feel - you are afraid. Everything is falling apart. You can't get it out of your head for three days because you feel: he's your man. He's the man for you. You are angry with yourself, you are convinced: the lack of sex makes your head spinning.

But, everything is there, as if you were a kid: butterflies in your stomach, pheromones hit your head, your heart beats at the very thought of him...

And then you somehow connect, so you talk about everything, for hours, days, you correspond. You don’t sleep at night, but nothing is hard for you. Next day you visit a family lawyer who gives you the information about divorce...

It is a story about love

When a husband leaves people are on your side but when you leave your husband they say you left him even you have children. Three kids. They say you fell in love. The whole family spits on you. How can you fall in love, and you have three kids? If this was a seventeenth century, they would stone you.

I also know examples when a woman did not go for divorce at all. She neglected falling in love. She stayed with her husband. Apparently they are a happy family. But when you look a little deeper, they live like two zombies. That topic must not be mentioned, adultery is a dangerous word, a word that triggers an avalanche in their house. They lie to themselves that all is well, and their soul knows what suffering they are going through.

And both of them go to church and pray that everything returns to what it once was, but there is no going back.

And that is why I tell you, love at the age of 20 is not love, it is just infatuation. The love in 30s is a tricky, shaggy, shallow one. It changes your life forever, the marriage is nothing but a prison for the soul. And the love in 40s, well, that is a bitter love, that love hurts my dear ones! And it puts you in trouble, you have to choose.

The love after 40 requires payment, to be with the loved one or to stay with boring husband for the sake of the children... adventure or peace of mind - but in both cases you will pay for it bitterly! If you are afraid to pay, you will live waiting for death.


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