Friday, October 30, 2020

Ashtanga Yoga Is My Thing

Having a daily yoga practice is not that hard. What is hard is letting go of laziness and have right motivation to do it. The main reason I struggle to develop a daily yoga practice is because I am not following daily routine for going to bed and sleeping at the same time. Sometimes I sleep during a day so my sleeping pattern is upside down.

Ashtanga yoga is a simple tool intended to support well-being and happiness. If I really want a consistent daily ashtanga practice, I need to set my daily sleeping habits more firmly. Nevertheless, daily yoga practice must overcome laziness, any illness or injury, fatigue and tiredness.

The great thing about ashtanga yoga is that it'll continue to improve through life and age has nothing to do with ability in yoga. Indeed, practicing ashtanga yoga daily into 60s is a goal to aspire to as it will keep me fit, confident, strong, flexible, mentally and physically balanced, and of course self-disciplined.

In two months I will be 56 and I have nothing to do, nowhere to go and no one to come. I feel lost in this world, alienated from any meaningful relationship. I don't beilive in family and I'm not sure does family has any value at all.

Instead of living the life that suits me, I'm looking at my faults, constantly changing to suit myself to this society who desperately trying to fit me in the corner that others had placed out for me. I'm compromising, observing and blending, read, selling my soul time and time again.

I see the practice of ashtanga yoga as an answer to unlock the secret to happiness. It turns me around toward myself. The practice shows me that I have choices. Everything that is in front of me is here because I, and I alone, have put it there. I see it is a time to call myself out and to face my life as it is.

Looking in the mirror I have no idea who I am. How can I possibly expect anyone else to knows me when I'm a confused and distorted mess, a mixture of everyone I have allowed to influence me, along with all the negative self-beliefs I've somehow inflicted on myself.

I clearly see that I'm not living the life destined for me, I'm living for everyone else and I am doing a pretty bad job of it.

I need to change and in doing so, I need to figure out how. I know it will not happen overnight. I've taken a long time to become who I'm today and to change it is not so easy.

I'm looking at my relationships, my career, the area I'm living in, my health and spiritual level. I've no intention to visit other places and I've nothing that I would like to experience. Ashtanga yoga put me in the present moment with no future and no past.

I'm not interested in something new, new hobbies, new books, new relationship. I'm bragging about a girlfriend but the truth is I don't give a damn if I am single or not. I don't care of changing my eating habits. I don't want to stop smoking cigarettes and drinking beer.

Instead of excusing or blaming my behavior, I'm taking responsibility. I don't give a shit to turn negative into a positive. Let it be as it is. Each time I mess up, I confront it face on. Why, what and how have these things happen? What have I learned? And the answer is nothing. There is nothing to be learned from life, society, world, people...

Ashtanga yoga alone has thought me to live now in the moment between two breaths. I've discovered that when I'm there, I'm far less likely to keep tripping up. Although I still do mistakes, I change things sooner and understand the reasons behind my mistakes. All my mistakes have been done because I was believing the thing was true. I also have learned that I will always, always make mistakes, regardless of how much I learn.

Thinking something is true, believing in rightness is my bad conditioning. I've convinced myself that I'm worthy of truth. In doing so, believing in nice loving relationship, honest family, true friends, the honest world with beautiful people, I attracted all kinds of rubbish into my life.

But ashtanga yoga practice showed me that I am never the same person on the mat doing it, so also others are not the same. As soon as I unlearned all of the rubbish about my uniqueness and how magical I am, I began to feel presence more. My soul is a mirror and whatever is going on in the inside, is radiating out and attracting the exact reflections.

Ashtanga yoga, that repetitive, stubborn and hard practice has made me realize that I'm living a lie, living according to society’s expectations of me. I realized that to live free from judgment, I also have to stop judging. So I've stopped thinking about other people. And I've stopped caring about what people are thinking about me. I've stopped caring if people are liking how I'm dressed, what I say, or if they value my opinion or not.

Ashtanga yoga is hard and ultimately self-defeating endeavor. But it thought me no to give a fuck about anyone or anything. And that, is liberating and refreshing and simply the best and most loving thing my daily practice ever did for me.

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