Tuesday, October 20, 2020

Social Isolation

Alice came to a fork in the road.
"Which road do I take"? she asked.
"Where do you want to go"? said the Cheshire cat.
"I don't know." Alice answered.
"Then", said the cat. "it doesn't matter".

It’s Tuesday, October 20, 2020, it’s nice outside, a bit cold but autumn colors are amazing.  I just woke up and I had a business meeting and I am going to do some work this afternoon. Before that, I will do yoga, take shower and have lunch.

Last night I was at my friend's place and we were drinking, dancing and laughing. I came home after midnight and I could not wake up until 11 am. I just sent message to my friends that I cannot do this anymore. I cancelled parties on next Friday and Saturday. Because, too much drinking and socializing have started to make me nervous.

From today, I’m going on voluntary social isolation.  There, I said it.

I’m guessing this must be weird.  Social isolation in pandemic is common, but my isolation has nothing to do with covid-19.  I am going to temporary cut the ties with my friends because I need time to be alone. Quiet evenings without alcohol, reading, watching Netflix and going to bed on time.

Social isolation is very much as being alone or being in a solitude. It is a kind of introversion, looking into myself and my own needs, recuperation of my own energy, detox of my body and strict yoga practice with long walks in this beautiful time of the year.

My passion for attaining self-realization gives me a sense of purpose in my life. I keep chasing this dream. That is the most important thing of my life and nothing can come even close to it.

I don't believe that anything and anybody existed prior to myself. I don't believe in history, in evolution in big-bang universe. Prior to my Beingness nothing was and after me nothing will be.

If I review process of creation I can see that at it's very base is that I do not know myself, and suddenly the feeling of "I" appears. The moment it appears, on borderline of deep sleep and being awake, in a split second, "I am" sense appears and I know myself. Then thoughts start racing and "I" as a person starts functioning.

The whole process of awakening is actually traveling away from person towards pure "I am" sense which on the end of journey should be seen for what really is... just imagination. I have to discard whatever I know to go there.

This world is based on various personalities. It is pure play which just happens of itself and I am not playing a part. When I am ignorant, I think I am playing a part in this world by simply imagining a player. But that is just imagination, there are no player, everything is happening spontaneously.

The sum and substance of my life is nothing but to come to a firm decision, make a judgment, about myself (what I am?) and the world (what is it?) If I pay attention to the world I am good as dead. My path is opposite of the world's activities. Direction is clear - seeing everything as imagination. That is final goal of my life's journey.

This is serious stuff for me, my inner dissatisfaction has culminated and it cannot be hidden anymore. I will make my social interaction to minimum. No more restaurants and house parties. Effective immediately!!!


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