Saturday, November 7, 2020

Nothing is ever wrong

There are so many articles, videos, books about finding your purpose in life and living your life happily. I am not quite sure that they make any sense but you like to read it. It probably gives you a certain pleasure.

Things in life are much simpler than you think. There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. Your thinking supplies judgments and colors the events according to your mood.

The life is really completely neutral. Worldly events, per se, have no meaning whatsoever, but there is a touch of "personality", that makes you angry or satisfied. You like this, you don't like that. That is not really necessary.

I live at High Park area of Toronto in a small, 550 sq feet, one bedroom, cozy apartment. I'm a simple, straightforward guy and I don't like complications and anything that creates over thinking. I try to see events as they are but so often I also go astray and supply meaning to the events.

I'm a mixture of fearless man who adores freedom and undisciplined child who make so many mistakes. I'm very easy to be understood. Being confident, spontaneous and independent, I want to be in charge.

I do things for myself, like writing this blog. I don't want to prove anything to anyone. As uncomplicated, bold, aggressive and impulsive, I'm perceived as selfish, insensitive, often so blunt and impatient. So be it. I don't need to change, you have to look at me with different attitude.

Looking at the world purely from my own perspective I see that I am caring, compassionate, team player, and an overall okay guy and here deep down in my heart there is a strong thirst for independence.

Yes, sometimes, I am called hard headed and stubborn. Once I get an idea in my mind, I tend to be quite intolerant of other facts. This can get quite annoying. However, I never get into debate with anyone about religion, politics, and other heavy subjects. I just do whatever I want at the moment but I have a strong sensitivity not to hurt other people.

Having said that, I did intentionally hurt one my neighbor, a long time ago. I was married at that time and often I smoked outside of the building. Whenever he met me he would talk to me and each time he parted with me telling me to say hi to my wife. At first, I did not pay attention to it but then it started to make me uncomfortable so I wanted to make things straight.

So one day he was with his one year old son downstairs, I went straight to him and I asked him is he sure that this boy is his son, he does not look like him at all. He was so confused, he laughed nervously. Since then he stopped talking to me.

If you ever meet me you will notice that I don't talk much. I am an observer and I never say things what I am writing here. I think that everything written here is just temporary state of mind, fleeting and it changes, it has no value. I do apologize for many things I have done but deeply inside I consider apologizing to be an act of humiliation. It is not necessary.

Nothing is ever wrong.

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