The picture of the year, taken from my balcony, October 8, 2020

Here, I'm not telling you to meditate, pray or chant. I'm not concerned if you do yoga or not. I'm not trying to purify your soul or get you happy. I'm not trying to save you. Save you from what? From yourself? It's impossible.

It's 19 years since I started out on the conscious spiritual journey of self-discovery, I still did not reach enlightenment...

In January 2002 I made a decision, the one that led me to the life-changing events. I decided to become a saint. Suffice it to say, back then, I did not know what that exactly means but I felt it was something good to strive for.

After all these years of dedicated and honest spiritual search for the answer of "who am I?", after reading tons of spiritual literature and practicing meditation, I had an expectation that heavens will somehow open up with bliss and love, carrying me up into celestial glory. My expectation never materialized.

In these years, I had a lot of unusual spiritual experiences. At one point at time in 2008, I had a period of clarity, it was the time without thoughts. I did not grasped any truth then, there were no explanations, it was just simple clarity. When there was no feeling of "I" or "me" I saw a blue universe with white planets and I was That. 

Experiences come and go, I am not attaching any importance to them, I take the spiritual experiences just like any other. They are passing show. What I am after is to clearly discover, without any doubt, that "self" does not exists. And then to behave in that way. 

Even though I still might see myself on a spiritual journey, I have stopped seeking anything because there is nothing to be found. Now I just do ashtanga yoga and try to be humble and aware in interaction with others. That's all.

My life is quite different than your life. I have no schedule to follow. I sleep when I feel like to. I do my work per my own schedule, I'm efficient and fast. I have no one to please and I have no one to report to.

The dark winter is here. Difficult, sad and frustrating times. My friends, unfortunately, I have nothing to tell you to cheer you up. This is just the beginning. Somehow you have to learn to be alone with yourself. Calm and contended without anxious desire to be somewhere else.

This year is a year for spiritual practice. I will behave with attention on presence, the full awareness of the presence, with "I AM" sense before everything else. This understanding has been earned by these 20 years of spiritual search and lots of losses. I've no more concerns toward the world and what is happening don’t matter to me anymore.

My enlightenment is not written in the script of my daily life, nor is it writable at all. I have recognized the formula of life. All that happens to me or to you is to exhaust us of our personal self, to break up our pride.

You must be brave to walk this path otherwise you'll remain in the herd finding a comfort in the company of other deluded souls.