I just finished this new layout of my blog. I hope you will like it. This is what I do, I have nothing going on in my life right now so I create, change and sometimes improve things.

I'm having a simple goal - living life without self-concerns. And I'm doing pretty good job in that. True, I must pay more attention to live more healthy, quit smoking, drink less and walk more. Also I need to pay attention to saving money and getting rid of my debt. But that is all secondary.

Only important thing is ashtanga half primary series practice. I mean, what else I have? Something more important going? Like what? My plans? What plans? I have no plans, neither short term nor long term. My career? I have no interest improving myself...


I have no big aspirations, I just want to be healthy, look good and have sex which I didn't have since August last year. I almost forgot how it feels. Since I got divorced I had 28 unsuccessful relationships, OMG, is there any award for that? There must be something wrong with me.
 
Yoga is all that I have. It keeps me in a good physical and mental condition. And believe me my friends when I say - the shitty times are here. You will need to be mentally stable. Watch for your sanity.

The road map for year 2021 going as I've predicted, enhanced lock down restrictions, supply chain break downs, inventory shortages. It is yet to come - large economic instability, deployment of military personnel into major metropolitan areas as well as all major roadways to establishment of travel checkpoints, restriction of travel and movement...


The majority of people will accept drastic measures just to be safe. I cannot do anything in that regard. I just voice my opinion. People of my age are busy with their work, overweight, under all kinds of stress, very serious and already dead inside. They live life barely alive. They follow government, sports and politics, they watch TV and news at 11 PM.
 
The confidence goes down after hitting 50 and by age of 60, they are inactive and very likely to have some kind of sickness. I have decided not to count myself in this general population of men. Except for the age, I have nothing in common with them.


I hate to say this but the more I look at people the more I am ashamed. I'm not buying it. Lock downs, masks, restrictions in order to save me, save me from what?
 
Those big houses, big cars, laziness and sluggishness. All that will be gone by 2030. Total economic crash is inevitable, the basic income is guaranteed.


But there is no reason to brag about the lockdown and pandemic. It will never go its going to stay with us until completely destroy us. How about a little optimism?
 
I'm 56 years old guy with no girlfriend and not only that, there is nothing to come, nothing to think about, nothing to hope and make stories, whatever. The online dating is dead.
 
I think women are more scared about this pandemic than men. They are taking care of kids, family and dogs. The lack of sex, the hormonal changes in late 40s and the end of menstrual cycle make them edgy and unstable. In regard to sex, I predict, 2021 will be very tough for me. 

People see life like a roller coaster of ups and downs, chronic search for happiness, dissatisfaction, always pretending they are happy and successful. They slip into their life the way a foot slip in the shoe. 

They decide nothing, there is no choice, they live life by government instructions. They don't know any better, and they don't know the reason why they don't know any better.

 

We are born in this world and since that moment we are heading towards death, whether we may like it, dislike it, believe it, disbelieve it, we may be atheist, theist, following this religion, that religion, we may claim we are an incarnation, whatever we may, we are not spared, the death is awaiting us.

So we are conditioned thinking that we are on a journey. We want to become rich, to be famous, to be smart and that is causing a feeling of lack so we are seeking something to destroy that feeling. This makes us  to always look forward to the future.
 
Either we think about past or imagine future but we always miss the present moment.


I have come to the point of understanding and I openly say - Hey, wait a minute, this life is nuts! I want to get out of this merry-go-round circle of daily waking up, working and sleeping again. Work is not everything in life, it brings money, that's it. I work as much as I need to pay my bills. I have a debt which I want to pay off as quickly as possible but I spent a lot going out. 
 
I am trying to be aware, to hold onto I AM, to observe myself but it does not help. I know my thoughts. I have daily retrospective, quiet periods of simple awareness, the presence. I don't meditate but I've some quiet, alone time. And it is strange.


The un-examined life, said Socrates, is not worth living. That is a serious shit. People are offended by that. They rather like watching life of others, reading biographies, documentaries and various garbage on the internet.
 
Socrates meant that the stagnated, home-work-home, repetitive life is not worth living. He is saying that most people's lives are not worth the bother. They don't understand, the universe is an interactive game, it will give them whatever they want. That is how it works. It can't be otherwise. They don't have to be worthy, but they have to know what it is that they want.

But the truth is, nothing we do, know or experience will destroy this "not enough" feeling tat we have. Our life is just endless cycle of accumulating wealth, knowledge and experiences.

So our ultimate goal, the main purpose of our life is happiness, and all the stuff we do are just variations on the same theme: we want a permanent, uninterrupted happiness.

Unfortunately, no such thing exists. Our wanting something that does not exist is the root of our problems.


These are the first words of truth - not truth in quotation marks but truth in the real meaning of the word; truth which is not merely theoretical, not simply a word, but truth that can be realized.

Recognize that everything, including the sense of “I” is false. See that the world is but a show, glittering and empty.   Realize that all is nothing. Check every desire and see where they're leading you. See that all objects including your relation to mother, father, children, friends etc. are untrue. Understand that all your relationships are ready to fool you.

See your own meaninglessness.

When you see for yourself THAT,  you will collapse in fear and confusion and you will acquire the greatest virtue of this world... humility. Until that happens to you, changing your beliefs is all theoretical, irrelevant.


I'm not an advanced yoga practitioner, a fitness teacher, or a healthy diet guru, not even a great blog writer. I write here what I'm interested in at present moment. I have no advice for you. Do whatever fuck you want to do. As for myself, I will continue to take care of the present moment...

Everyone wants to be somebody, and no one wants to be a nobody. You are frustrated in your quest for significance. Our present social system of elitism allows a select few to "succeed". For the majority, the life is just wanting. You remain driven by the desire to be somebody.