Today is Sunday, it is raining outside, and I'm sitting in a mess. Last Friday they have started the water pipe replacement project and they cut the walls and they left it like this. It is dust all over the place but I don't care. I just did yoga practice in the middle of this dusty room.

My dear friends, the life is not a science. The more you theorize and the more you study life, the more you understand that there is nothing to be held on. Life is just flow of events which mind desperately trying to connect to patterns and find the meaning.

Life is what it is and I do nothing to cause it. Whether or not I give it my conscious attention, it just as is.

All events in life are somehow "abstract" without meaning. I supply the meaning to the events. It is just like in Java programming, the abstract class defines functions but implementation of those functions is defined in classes which inherits the abstract class.

Yesterday was my birthday and I had a cold awakening that I am completely and utterly alone in this world. That is the meaning I supplied to the yesterday's events. As a consequence of my realization, I have decided to drastically change my life.

Yesterday morning, I called my father, we talked and he forgot on my birthday. When I put my phone down I was sad, I was hurt and disappointed but not surprised. Since my sister died he never really ask how I am and what I am doing. He is in his own, distant world. Later my niece called and my father apologized for not remembering my birthday.

During a day, only the one of all my friends has sent me a text message for a good wishes for the birthday. Also, I was not surprised at all, my so called friends are actually just my drinking buddies and not real friends. I am going to break up with all of them. Our friendship is over. And that is the first change I'm going to make.

Yesterday, I met my daughter in Kennedy's pub and we had lunch together. It was a bit cold and windy outside so we did not sit for a long time. We came to my apartment and watched Suites, season 7. Whenever she came to my place we watch 2-3 episodes.

Last two weeks I was drinking a lot, 3-4 beers every second day, sometimes even more. Effective immediately I am going to stop drinking completely. It will be easy because I will not go out anymore.

I feel an internal desire to turn things around. My vision is completely clear and I'm quite sure where I want to end up old things and old behavior, so things are about to change.

At age 56, I've reached a point when I just no longer fit in with the crowd. It is difficult for me to admit, but I must be honest. I'm too old for the bullshit. There is no reason I should go out if everyone around me is dishonest. If you don’t see that there is something wrong here then you have a problem.

Anyway, I'm feeling motivated to eat better, exercise more, drink less... Making a lifestyle change is challenging. The changes take time and require careful monitoring. I'm ready to make the changes, I'm committing to do it and I'll following through on my blog.

So here they are:

1. No more alcohol of any kind.

I will stop drinking beer and wine. I have to learn to dance and laugh without alcohol. The alcohol keeps my belly fat intact. And I'll save money too.

2. Regular, daily ashtanga yoga practice.

No more excuses. I need to return to 6 days a week, 60 minutes, half primary, practice. I am thinking to start another 30 days yoga challenge but my knee still hurts so that will wait until the left knee is completely recovered.

3. Daily meditation.

30 minutes, after yoga practice I am going to sit in zazen. Just to sit, with no thoughts with no self.

4. Daily gym exercises.

30 minutes, stomach and upper body one day and stomach and legs another day... 5 days a week, Saturday and Sunday will be rest days.

5. Daily recapitulation practice.

30 minutes daily sitting, breathing and recapitulating events from my past. This will give me enough energy to proceed further towards Self-Realization. Lets hope it will work. 😇