I Have Chosen a Solitary Life

Solitude comes to us if we have within us the magic stone that attracts destiny. - Hermann Hesse
Freedom is an individual choice, and each one of us must assume the responsibility of fighting for it

Yesterday, I had a nap and I had a nightmare. It was a dream... I was driving car but my eyes closed and I could not open them. I was trying desperately to open my eyes. I was so afraid of the accident and I was pulling my eyes with my hands to open them but I could not do it. I finally woke up, so afraid and covered in sweat.

I see this dream as an indication that I have to change my life. 

I have to go back to the solitude following my goal of self-realization. No one told me to step on this path. It was all my own search and investigation. I'm really reluctant to give you any advise regarding awakening.

I may be pushy on these pages and write you need to do this or that but I know very well that your sun will shy when your time comes. I feel that my time has come. I just need to be relaxed and follow my own intuition.

 I'm choosing a solitary life

I have a task in front of me. My task is self-realization and it demands all my energy and efforts, and to attempt to fulfill it in my old, lazy, usual way of behaving is impossible. I need determination, persistence, intensity and constancy.

The life as it is lived so far is finished. I know very well that my ordinary life is forever left behind, that freedom is indeed frightening affair.

I will not set strict rules for my behavior. I have no schedule, no dependents not even a cat. Self-importance and self-pity are my worst enemies. I have learned to think that my actions are important so I've seen such world around me. I've looked at myself taking myself as something.

Nothing is important for me. I have no honor, no dignity, no name, no country but only life to be lived and under this circumstances I have no real ties to anyone. I'll love and support my daughter, I'll call my father everyday but I will not be concerned for them or anyone else.

I'm not concerned about liking people or with being liked myself. I will not waste my energy by worrying about such things.

Maybe I have no compassion towards others, maybe I am a some kind of sociopath but for me to have compassion means that I want people to be just as I am. The hardest thing in the world is to leave the people and let them be as they are and this is exactly what I am going to do.
In each one of you there is a hidden being, still in the deep sleep of childhood. Bring it to life!

In each one of you there is a call, a will, an impulse of nature, an impulse toward the future, the new, the higher. Let it mature, let it resound, nurture it!

Your future is not this or that; it is not money or power, it is not wisdom or success at your trade - your future, your hard dangerous path is this: to mature and to find God in yourselves.

- Hermann Hesse

I'm going to simplify my life

I'm going to be simple in my expectations, goals, and tasks, I will be happier, I will get more done and be more successful. I will focus on one single task and that is being awake.

The funny thing about focusing on one goal is that it seems that I'm neglecting all the others aspects of my life, but there are really nothing in this world else except self-realization worth pursuing. And when I focus on my goal, magically the other aspects of my life improve as well.

I'm surrounded by distractions, such as work, going out, text messages, emails, Facebook. I must learn to manage my time, and get things done.

Most people sit around whining about their miserable life, and then they wonder why nothing good ever happens to them. I don't want to over analyze and over think that.

Starting from today, in my daily life I'm going to increase physical activity. Autumn is here. It is an opportunity to gain strength.