Suffering just means you’re having a bad dream. Happiness means you’re having a good dream. Enlightenment means getting out of the dream altogether. - Jed McKenna

I am trying, with all my might, to stop dreaming and to wake up, but where? I mean that is the question, what change I do expect to happen that I can say finally I got enlightenment?

I was thinking about it while I have been walking around High Park this afternoon. I did not found any answer not even a clue. But let starts from the beginning...

Last night I went to bed very late, around 3 am...and I got up at 7:30... I started yoga practice at 8:30 and went for breakfast at Tim Hortons, I bought different kind of Creemore beer and I got some groceries. Returned home, had a beer and went for a sleep.

This Sunday afternoon I started a new diet, no more bread, potato and rice.. only meat. I grilled 3 peaces of pork veal and had wonderful lunch. Immediately after that I went for a long walk at High Park. Now I did the weights exercises.

I have invitation for a party tonight, my friend bought a condo, I will go...

I'm closing many chapters of my life by thinking how lucky I was to have experienced all this. I have now learned nothing in life is permanent I can appreciate reality better, I can open myself to live as on vacation every single day. It does not matter what I do... I'm on vacation.

Most people no matter what they do, don’t have enough time. Except me. I have so much time in my hands that I don't know what to do. Maybe it is a time to become a cynic.

Love and life are hard. You already know that, I'm guessing. But love and life are not impossible. And they are wonderful — ultimately. But, still, they are hard. Life is not a simple lie, it is a hypocrisy. No one likes to be called a hypocrite. It's an insult — in all contexts. However, the life has tendency to be hypocritical.

I love to believe in free will — and I'd say it's important to do so in our daily lives. We need a concept of free will to hold others and ourselves accountable. But unfortunately there are outside factors that govern our behavior — simply our free will does not count.

And life didn't hand pick one special person just for you. In fact, the whole idea of finding fulfillment in someone else is an illusion. Happily ever after doesn't exist.

I prefer passion, lust, affection over caring, trust, respect and devotion. You see, only lovers merge with each other and with the vast, wild universe. They forget life, not knowing for sure if it will last a weekend or a lifetime. But it doesn't matter, I like feeling that overwhelming sensation of the finality, of the moment.

People are looking for love “out there” but what they actually do they are running away from loneliness. And in the process they constantly settle for less than what they want, and less than what they think they deserve, because their greatest fear is to be alone, grow old alone and die alone.

The fear of loneliness prevents most people from experiencing passion and lust which I call a free life. I am just like you, “forever empty,”, we have the sadness deep within us; the ever present knowledge of our own mortality, that in the end we all face death...

Real and free love requires this discovery and you are not interested in that. It requires that you first be happy in your solitude; that you come to know yourself, accept yourself and love yourself first and foremost.