Here, I'm not telling you to meditate, pray or chant. I'm not concerned if
you do yoga or not. I'm not trying to purify your soul, move you to 5th
dimension or get you happy. I'm not trying to save you. Save you from what?
From yourself? It's impossible.
It's 20 years since I
started out on the conscious spiritual journey of self-discovery, I still
did not reach enlightenment...
In January 2002 I made a decision, the one that led me to the life-changing
events. I decided to become a saint. Suffice it to say, back then, I did not
know what that exactly means but I felt it was something good to strive
for.
After all these years of dedicated and honest spiritual search for the
answer of "who am I?", after reading tons of spiritual literature and
practicing meditation, I had an expectation that heavens will somehow open
up with bliss and love, carrying me up into celestial glory. My expectation
never materialized.
In these years, I had a lot of unusual spiritual experiences. At one point at time in 2011, I had a period of clarity, it was the time without thoughts. I did not grasped any truth then, there were no explanations, it was just simple aware clarity. When there was no feeling of "I" or "me" I saw a blue universe with white planets.. and I was That.
Experiences come and go, I am not attaching any importance to them, I take the spiritual experiences just like any other, the passing show. I am after clearly discovering, without any doubt, that "self" does not exists. And to behave without individuality.
I have stopped seeking anything because there is nothing to be found. Now I
just do ashtanga yoga and try to be humble and aware in interaction with
others. That's all.
My life is quite different than your life. I
have no schedule to follow. I sleep when I feel like to. I do my work per my
own schedule, I'm efficient and fast. I have no one to please and I have no
one to report to.
The lockdown days are here. Difficult, sad and frustrating times. My
friends, unfortunately, I have nothing to tell you to cheer you up. This is
what it is. Somehow you have to learn to be alone with yourself.
Calm and contended without anxious desire to be somewhere else.
This
2022 is a year for myself, for attention on presence, the full
awareness of the presence, with "I AM" sense before everything else.
This understanding has been earned by these 20 years of spiritual search and
lots of losses. I've no more concerns toward the world and what is happening
don’t matter to me anymore.
The enlightenment is not written in
the script of my daily life, nor is it writable at all. I have recognized
the formula of life. All that happens to us is to exhaust us of our personal
self, to break up our pride.
I live life without self-concerns. You must be brave to lead this life otherwise you'll remain in the herd finding a comfort in the company of deluded souls.
