Where to go from here?

I hear people of my age talking about retirement, pension plans, and future in general. They are very much afraid of what will happen to them. They are afraid of getting old. 

I do not worry about such things. What future? Pure imagination. The future does not exist, it is just in the mind. People lose present moment worrying about the future, worrying about something that does not exist.

I cannot really say that I have discovered the truth but I am okay with understanding that nothing has value in this life. Events arouse desire, fear, anger, and you think it is "you". You get stuck talking to yourself, explaining, hoping, trying to find any meaning in all this.

I have learned that life has no explanations to give. It is an empty, meaningless flow of events that just go on and on. Whatever happens has little or no importance. 


Nothing worthwhile comes with age

As you grew older you lack the courage to do or endure unpleasant things. Some of you appear as cynics but actually you are just timid, easily intimidated person.

The house that you own, the money in retirement fund etc. do not really protect you. They fool you. There is no security or any rest in this world, the picture of old people on the beach is not realistic. It does not show, the pills for high blood pressure, diapers, the lack of sleep, rheumatism etc...

I love my daughter the most

Believe me, nothing good comes with age.

There’s no meaning to life, no reward for achieving all the things you've achieved. And please, stop saying that things were better back then in your youth. When you were young, the life was cheaper, happier and people were nicer. Oh well. 

Three years ago I made my last will. Upon my death my body is to be cremated and ashes spread in water and earth. No reminder of my existence should be left. That's my last will. 

I read this article and I sent it to my daughter: My final place on this planet.


Happy Birthday my 💝
We will all go where we've started


I have just one wish

let the last hours bring happiness
let the last moment pass in joy

I find peace in my heart
in the embrace of a woman
I have no tears in my eyes
there won't be any

my time is fading away

Don't be sad

Be courageous, live and be free with full understanding that there is only a glaring nothingness awaiting you on the other side. Live, fight like it matters.

I've released my control over things and I let things happen on their own, Let it come whatever is to come... It is important to be completely independent and to know how to care about yourself. 

It is not easy to find someone with whom you can share your deepest secrets. But to be true to yourself is a feature worth to be cultivated.


Happy Birthday Zee!!!
I'll continue chasing my dream

In this 57 years I have concluded that there is not such thing as truth. Everything that you know is false, there are only lies. You may have concluded something else... Does it really matter?


March 27, 2022