Slowly, against my will, and against my natural inclination to jerk off and eat pizza, I am awaking to the reality of a totalitarian system with its tentacles wrapped around every aspect of my existence.

Sadly, the true nature of this tyranny still eludes the most of Canadians, in part because the process by which Canada was transformed has been slow, in part because the CBC points us away from the true causes of this slippage and pins all blame on coronavirus.    

I heard that there will be new elections, wow I am so excited with all these false choices... like, between Pepsi or Coke, between Taco Bell or Wendy’s, between action films or romantic comedies, and between Trudeau or Doug Ford.

What a fucking bullshit!

It's Friday night, I am at home, just had a shot of whiskey between two beers. I am not going anywhere I have finished with my friends. I am utterly alone and that's my life now.

So my reader, tonight I am taking you for a concert of Sejo Kalac...

The first song is a sad song with English title I did love you. I mean I was so stupid to love her. 

I think about my ex wife, which was my biggest love ever, and on the end she told me "I love you, but I am just not in love with you".

Was I hurt? Well, to say I didn't, would be a gross understatement. How could someone who I felt such strong love for not reciprocate the same feelings? This wasn't the way it was supposed to go. We were together, attached, I thought, forever, married for 22 years, remember? Wrong!

While I didn’t like it and I didn’t want to, I had to accept what I’d heard. It is on today's date 8 years ago, that I started to live alone, yes, I heard "We don't have future together". Sure, I fought it for a while, told myself little lies that she would change her mind but with every step we took, in our separation process, we were further and further from each other. She never called me again. True she answered my text-messages but the “here I am again” never occurred.

It was over, and it was time for me to move forward... So I did.

Nothing is permanent.

Second song directed to her, to my ex wife, the song's title is Did you ever love me or not?  

I'm closing that chapter of my life by thinking how lucky I was to have experienced love with my ex. I stopped thinking about my loss. As I have now learned nothing in life is permanent I can appreciate new reality, I can open myself to live as on vacation every single day. It does not matter what I do...

And lets go in the same rhythm... the third song of this evening, only for my ex... Ala Ala Ala

When you are young, you somehow quickly stick to average Jenny. Well, without thinking about how much she's worth, what her parents are like, whether she has mental disorders in the family or not... you just dive into that love, lose your head. The only thing that matters is that she is beautiful, that she looks at you kindly and that she is always there for you.

And even if you don't have anything in common, it doesn't matter - it's important that sex is good. And if you break up after a year, it also passes easily, with angry messages, calls and drunken nights with the friends. You may promise yourself that you will never get over it, that you will suffer but that suffering is not something that really lasts.

And then later in your life you meet someone new, you fall in love again, beyond measure and you love her, she loves you... until your or her feelings fade away. The same pattern repeats until somewhere in your 30s you realize that love simply does not exist.

You have started to think that love is the delusion and that you will never fall in love, that you are done with women, that you know them very well and that you don't need them ...

And then you meet her. She's your friend first. You're not in love with losing your head, you're fine. You need a person with whom everything is simple, and she is just like that - nothing complicates, the relationship is easy.

And that's how you get fucked.

Next song is a song Water, Air and Freedom...

You and I, my friend, are predictable, and prone repeating the same life mistakes again and again, so you'll start looking for the women or men who resembles your ex. You'll call that "moving on".

Moving on after divorce generally begins with the online dating. And there you'll get more disappointments which are carefully placed in between episodes of grief or other emotional crisis.

The real "moving on" involves becoming open to new experiences, new relationships, and new ways of thinking about your self. The process is inherently shitty; it involves becoming willing to actively explore options rather than waiting for women to come to you. Those days are definitely gone. 

Be prepared on time, it will happen, your world will crash into a million tiny pieces. The world that you're so carefully built from scratch, weaving together dreams and reality to form something so wonderful it seemed it would last forever.

I am sorry but really not so sorry, my friend. Nothing lasts forever. And that's a good thing.

You should be grateful to your ex as she left great scars on you.

Those scars are now part of you and your only compass. Without them you would not know which direction to go. You'd be lost. She is part of your past, your present and your future, as you moving forward and walking away from her.

And the last song of the evening... it is Finished... the End, Fayront!!!