When Douglas Adams wrote The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, he added a joke which later has become more famous than the novel itself: "The answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything is 42." A large number of lunatics have since wasted years trying to assign some significance to the number 42.

According to the novel, the most advanced computer in our universe, The Deep Thought, spent 7.5 million years to calculate the answer to this ultimate question. And, as we see, it is 42... Is this a consequence of a vaguely formulated question?

It is so funny. This question of the meaning of all this is just like a question: What is eye color of a barren woman's son?

So my friend, stop looking for a truth around you, stop thinking and searching for reasons of why and why not.

Intuition is an ability to understand something immediately, without the need for thinking. It is direct perception of things as they are, seeing the facts independent of any reasoning.

I usually know a lot more than what I give myself credit for. Deep down, I already know love and relationships are not always pretty, rarely are they, if ever so. 

I have great intuition but I recently didn't follow it due to my wishful thinking. I'm not afraid of being guided by my guts by this definite feeling that things aren't quite right. 

So today I decided to put all my efforts toward myself in the most selfish way. There is no truth to be found. There is no "and they lied happily ever after". I'm here for a short period of time in order to have fun. Life has no meaning unless I want to fool myself!

In the last six months I almost forgot it. 

In December 2014, while I was sitting besides my mother in hospital, I realized the meaninglessness of everything in this world. My mother was dying from liver cancer. She was sleeping in a bed, I was beside her and I was thinking about her life, how beautiful and strong she was, and how her life passed so quickly.

I had seen so clearly, that she never existed, she as a person, as an identity, was just a bunch of memories and stories which on the end, are all forgotten. 

Life is not given to me, it is here to blind me from my real self, but that is just for some short period of time. It is just like a dream. Life was never intended to be a serious thing. 

Today I've decided to change my attitude. I've decided to have a fun, be free, feel healthy, look nice and observe details, notice and  understand things as they are happening... and laugh. I should never forget to laugh.

I have to laugh because everything in this world is a lie. My personality, country, family, relationships, friendships... everything, even my main goal in life, the self realization. 

There is no magical change by which I will start understanding people and circumstances in my life and get sudden epiphany. There is no enlightenment and no transformation, no change that can bring me closer to my self. I am already what I am searching for, I am That!

So far, I wanted to change myself but I had never questioned the existence of the one who is to be changed. Wanting to change something that does not exist was the root of all my problems.