We're all going to die, all of us, what a circus! That alone should make us love each other but it doesn't. We are terrorized and flattened by trivialities, we are eaten up by nothing. - Charles Bukowski

My present life... 

Sunday, April 10, 2022, 1:15 am, I'm looking to see what strengthen this false sense of "me". I'm looking into my delusions and various identifications. I'm trying to be aware of What I' ma actually thinking about these days?

The sense of "me" is nothing else but this constant thinking. I'm constantly considering things from the memory (what I have heard or what I have seen) and passing that into the future. 

Most of the time, my thinking is performed in a more or less as an unconscious activity, making me imagining things. That is the real cause of my problems, stress, struggles, quarrels, incidents and so on. 

All that struggles are called my "inner life". I take my "inner life" to be "inner" and the world (people and events and my relationships to them) to be my "external life" but truth is, there is no "external life" at all... all there is are thoughts, my imagination. 

At present time I'm preoccupied with my girlfriend, which is coming to Canada in less than two weeks. I have found myself thinking about it a way too much. 

I want to end my imagination, wishful thinking, hopes and expectations, these inward considerations are the main cause of an insecurity. Ending these, I'm nearing to the death of my personality.

The death of the ego is a dramatic term. It is so much drama about it, it is ridiculous. The ego is simply the constant movement of thoughts. My ego is the sense of continues thinking, the sense of "me", my beliefs.

I want to be free, and that comes from losing my whole "inner world". The first step toward this is to release my control of myself, others and the events. This is a very profound and very deep - living life without the control. It is the greatest courage in this world.

By constant thinking I've removed a sense of urgency from life. A glimpse of my mortality really puts things in perspective. If I know I'm going to die tomorrow, what would I do today? 

And why the hell I am not doing it?

You're not going to live forever

Buddhists, Hindu, Egyptians, ancient Greeks, and Assyrians accept death as a normal occurrence because they have realized that only body dies and consciousness ends but you, you are not affected. Vital breath disappears in vastness of space, I'm sense is not felt anymore, consciousness returns to consciousness and you, you return to your original state.

Our western society has turned death into a something strange instead of teaching kids about the fact that death is real and death isn't a bad thing. People don't talk about it, they are afraid so they postpone making last will, they simply don't want to think about it.

Why do you live like you're going to live forever? Why are you afraid of dying? You are terrified just thinking about it.

I understand that young people behave as if they are immortal. They are young they can afford stupidities. They are taking crazy risks without any plans for the future.

But you've reached maturity, your hormones are balanced and your childish enthusiasm is faded away, and you still behave as you will never die.

Somewhere, in this life you got things mixed up. Lets assume that really you can live forever in this form. I don't think that would like living forever if you're so poor working just to feed the family. The living forever is a goal of rich people.

There is too much suffering in the today's world

Technology gave you freedom of information but you are living in dark ages in the caves of ignorance. Money, bigger house, nicer car... expensive dress, expensive shoes, shiny hair... that's all what you think about.

Stop it. Turn around, take advantage of the birth. You are so lucky that you are here on this blog, reading these words in this exact time. This reading is already changing your life without your knowledge.

Your life is not for doing just household and worldly duties engaged in mechanically repetitive activities. Do things, do your duties in such a manner knowing fully that you're mortal. One day you will surely die, what will remain then? Just another wasted life in an endless number of births.

Think of why you were born, why are you here

The purpose of your birth is to obtain ultimate bliss by realizing your own Self. Instead, you involve yourself in various things, you waste this priceless human body.

You, for yourself, must discover who you are in order to obtain the ultimate peace. This is the real goal of your life.

I urge you to find out who are you and to behave accordingly. You are all pervading presence without shape, body, mind, feelings, emotions and as such you are not entangled in worldly life at all. Realize your Self and be what you are!


Awakening means realizing nothingness of your false personality, that is to realize your complete and absolute mechanicalness and your complete and absolute helplessness. And it is not sufficient to realize it philosophically in words. It is necessary to realize it in clean, simple, and concrete facts, in your own life.

Out of that realization you will gain courage to let go of world, doing only necessary things, accepting life as it comes. Then you are gained humility, the greatest virtue of human being.