My last vacation has a huge impact on my perspective. This three weeks have changed me and although I may too lazy for a change, the change is my life is started. 

You know the feeling too well, winter blues, snow, cold weather, lockdown, you feel tired of everything, overwhelmed and helpless. It was two years I went through such boring times in my life, career and relationships.  

I felt blinded, as though I was falling into a deep, dark slippery and bottomless pit with no grip or support. I wrote the posts here how I will be forever alone, you can read it they are still here. 

But now, after the vacation, after I met this woman, suddenly everything changed, I'm frantically trying to catch my breath! Now I want to get back on my feet and stand strong. 

I'm ready to begin picking up the pieces of my life and move forward. The question on my mind is how can I get back on my feet?

I would like to be with her but I cannot. It's not possible and that is the way it will stay. Anyway, I've known this when I traveled to Belgrade to meet her. 

This is not a post about her or about our love, it is about times when you have fallen apart in your life, it is about falling apart and learning how to pick up the pieces of your life and start moving forward. 

Finding the motivation to live meaningful life takes a long time. But “moving forward” doesn’t always mean success, or victory. The victory over what? That is just a fantasy.

Moving forward means taking small steps, in a way re-starting life again. 

I started to cook and eat veterinarian food. Today I boiled broccoli and asparagus and fry panned mushrooms, various papers and tomato. I boiled some pasta and made a wonderful, healthy dish.

Since I came I did not drink much, a beer here and there, that what is left in the fridge. For entire week, I did not buy any booze at all.

I have started yoga practice and I did it on Friday and Saturday, all muscles are in flame now. I did not do it for a month and now the muscles pain is common reaction for the inactivity.

A lot of work at my job, I have to complete coding for new project by the beginning of February so I am very busy. That is a good thing, the busyness somehow covers this sadness in the bottom of my stomach.