My dear friends, it is already Sunday, just after midnight, and I'm at home. I did not go out.

My apartment looks very nice. Yesterday, I was cleaning living room and today I cleaned bathroom. I was so busy. Tomorrow I will clean mirrors and windows and I'm done with what I wanted to accomplish this weekend.

Today I finally went to Mazda service and fixed the broken part on my car's passenger door. After that I went to shopping spree, I bought white and black summer pants, summer shirt and one t-shirt. Then I went to two separate LCBO stores and I bought drinks for Friday, you know, my darling is coming. 

I didn't drink so far this 15 years old Glenfiddich so even it's a bit pricey, I decided to get it. I also bought Beringer red and white wine.

You can tell, I am excited, motivated and I'm very busy. Couple minutes ago I tried the clothes and I'm satisfied what I have. These clothes I bought in the last month or so. My girlfriend jokingly said that I'm buying the stuff like I was naked and that was almost true. Last two years I did not bought one single peace of clothes. 

Around 5 pm I visited my daughter. She is getting better, recovering slowly form the surgery. She is with her mother and I stayed only 10 minutes there in her apartment. When I asked my ex can I come for a visit she reluctantly said she has to check that with my daughter. 

I was so upset, later she told me she did not really said that I cannot come. Anyway, I went and I spoke to my daughter. Next Wednesday I will accompany her to take out the stitches. I may take a day or half a day off for that.

I feel that this period is very important for me, something new has started. I'm in love and I like it. I just cannot explain it, I wonder.

Since my divorce, 9 years ago, I did not spend entire day and night with anyone. True, I was on vacation with some of my ex-girlfriends but no one actually stayed at my place.

I feel that my girlfriend visit is a kind of a crossroad in my life. The crossroad is a place from where you can go on different paths. 

I like to think that she will bring something new. I was not satisfied how I lived so far, I always complained on these pages about my life, and maybe it is time to get this straight... 

My main goal is still self-realization, enlightenment. I'm not there yet because there is still up and down in my behavior. I understand very well she is in my life to help me overcome exactly that. And I know why I'm in her life too, it is to show her some different kind of being of living.

Many people come on my blog. Read one or two articles and then they are gone, just to return again when I write personal stuff. No one reads my posts in AWAKENING category and I don't understand the reason for that. I can only say their time has not come yet. They will continue living in ignorance having problems, suffering without knowing it.

What can I say, I 'll let them be as they are. But I will fight for my girlfriend. I have to show her there is something different that just work and family obligation. I will show her that there is love beyond imagination. There is humbleness and enjoyment in small things and happiness that doesn't come from outside but from very core of her being. I'm in her life just for that.

That's what I'm going to do.

My friend, you who read this, you, like just anyone else, are in search of love. Everyone is trying to find it in somebody. Hence the frustration. 

If we look life, what can we conclude? Only unfulfilled loves are remembered, for centuries. The unfulfilled love have become symbolic of a great love.

It is beyond strange that the symbols of great love is that and not millions of lovers that got together. Not a single one of those have proved to be a great love. All are simply lousy. Every love affair is a failure, without exception. You may accept it, you may not, try to hide the fact as long as possible, but everybody knows that love dies easily.

When you meet someone you like, it seems that to everyone it is the same story. That “this woman or this man is made for me.” I say that is bullshit. Everybody is made for himself, and himself only! You are not some kind of manufactured parts, that you are made to fit with each other.

So when you don’t fit, then the tragedy begins. Before that all is good with smiley faces. The real test of love is when infatuation ends,  after the honeymoon. After the honeymoon the lovers are finished.

The failure of love in the world shows that your search of love is actually the search for something else. This is what I'm going to show to my girlfriend. The real love is within her and I'll help her to understand it.