Yesterday I met my daughter and we had a long conversation. In the case that I go to Malta she will not be moving into my apartment but she will be in charge of it. She will rent it and taking care that all bills - mortgage, property tax and maintenance are paid on time. If she rent the apartment for $1800 to $1900 and parking spot for $100 she will have around $400 to $500 left for her. 

After meeting my daughter I left home and fall asleep around 8:30 pm. I was so tired. At my work I'm busy with the Conversion Project and I worked hard all day. I got up now, at 2 am, I'm rested and I feel great.

Today I'm starting something I wanted to call Yoga Retreat but it will not be like anything I did before. I'll not be doing two yoga practices every day, in next four weeks, I will try to do a regular daily yoga with meditation, reading spiritual books and do daily silent walking in High Park. I will not consume any alcohol in this period.

Next four weeks will be important for me and my future so I need this new daily life routine. I am going to continue working hard at my job and I'll continue searching for a new job.

I'm sending my resume to appropriate job opportunities in Malta but so far just one agent contacted me regarding the job interview there. I'm expecting more to come in the following weeks. I need clear head and unbending intent. 

This weekend I will refresh my knowledge of all technologies I mentioned in my resume. I want to have a smooth interview, I want to be able to show them my skills and grab the job offer.

On other hand, I'm also searching a contract position for Senior Developer here in Toronto. I'm in contact with the recruiting agents for a positions paid $100 per hour or more. In the case of difficulties and delays with Malta job I will accept a contract here. So now, I still cannot clearly see my general direction for the future.

When I said to my daughter that maybe I will stay in Toronto and work as a contractor she told me that would be mistake. She said to me that I seek adventure and I need to go to Malta and live there for some time. If I don't do that I would regret for the rest of my life. I agree with her 100% but being a realist I have to do what is necessary, what can be realistically accomplished.

My girlfriend heading of to Malta this Sunday so next week she will know more about her job over there. I am eager to hear her opinion about the island, the life, prices and everything. We will meet in Amsterdam on June 23, we will spend a weekend there and we will talk about everything. Right now neither she nor I have time even to think about that trip.

In next four weeks I want to be extremely aware of my own existence, sensations, thoughts, surroundings, etc. I need to remember that all is illusion, the 'I' is illusion, so whatever the 'I' does is also illusion. If I remove the names and the shapes nothing remains. In final Reality there is no 'you', no 'I', no mind and no thought. That is my natural state.

Awakening is nothing but a complete, thorough understanding of these things. A clear cut understanding is awakening. Reality is not to be achieved, it is already here. After this understanding, nothing is required.

"Myself" is illusion but people don't understand that illusion is nothing. "Myself" is nothing. When I see the illusion as nothing I  will stop being fooled by it. This is the true 'understanding'. I am already the Reality. 

Why waste this time running after new job?

Because I am fearless, like a tiger. I'm not like a mouse, always running away. I understand that illusory 'I' has no existence, the world has no existence and yet I fight in this world as it is real.