My friends, things in my life don't go according to my plans. 

Right now, I'm forced to refocus my energies seeing that I'm far away from the fulfillment of my goals. And my goal is simple - to continue pursue the path of enlightenment, to be close to my girlfriend, to work for a good money and spend that money for travel, enjoyment and fun.

I wanted to go to Malta to be with my girlfriend over there. Yesterday she briefly mentioned that her business will not be opened in any reasonable time, at least six months is needed to obtain a corporation business number and their parent company is not willing to spend such a long time for the processing. She does not know yet the outcome of all this. It's not yet official but if this is true, it means the Malta dream is finished.

In meantime, she's proceeding as planned, she continues search for the apartment, but for myself, for my future, I'm not so sure that will workout on the end. I see I'm not in control what happens so the planning is ridiculous in such situation. 

As Mike Tyson once said - Everybody has a plan 'till they get punched in the face... Today, she was going to the business meeting and she dressed nicely, she sent me a photo, and there she was - the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I texted her back honestly - would you marry me 😘. She answered "it does not work that way 💗". 

I was so silly, a bit disappointed, I don't know what she meant but I felt she just brushed off me politely. It does not matter, it was a joke anyway.

I have stopped searching for a job in Malta. Malta is not an option for me anymore. It’s not possible to have everything the way I want it. Too many other variables are involved, I see that I depend too much of what other people want. 

It does not take me a lot to admit that my wish to control situations is wrong attitude. I live in a society of achievers, of those who make what they want. In this life I was taught to go after desires relentlessly, but that’s not a reasonable approach to the life.

So here I'm, admitting that things aren’t working so I need to stop trying so hard. It’s better to completely pull myself emotionally and stop being attached to the outcome of the Malta move. Things will work better if I drop my expectations.

Everyday I got up between 4 and 5 am, I work hard at my job from 9 am until 5 pm so I'm tired after that. I'm used to take a nap around 6 and I slept today until 8:30 pm. Now, I feel rested and eager to make something truly for myself.

It's Monday night, I did not go for beer night to meet my friends. I have stopped drinking completely. Now it's 10 pm I will do yoga after I post this and then I'm going to continue learning Apache Kafka. I want to be proficient with that Real Time Messaging System. I'm continuing my search for a Java Senior Developer contract position, but let it come what comes.