My friends, don't question my sanity, I feel absolutely great. I'm building a new personality. Why not? The personality is not me, it is something acquired, something I picked up in the early stages of my life. I have built this "Zee" to be like this and now the time has come to change it.

On 2nd January, 2002, more than 20 years ago, I made a decision to become a saint. Everyone wants to be rich and famous but I, I want to be self-realized, enlightened human being without personality. So this is the goal of my life

I agree with you, it's more or less an abstract goal but I have to make it my reality. So I start from what I have now, this personality, these bad and good habits, desires and fears, ways of talking and behaving that is mostly based on imitating others.

Going my way to the sainthood I've decided to stop drinking completely. In next 26 days, from today until June 22 I will not have a single glass of alcohol, no beer, no wine, no shots of tequila. Nada. I'm staring with that.

In next 26 days I will do daily yoga practice as it's my life depends on it. I'll meditate and read spiritual books.

I consider alcohol as my weak desire. The weak desires can be removed by introspection and meditation, but strong, deep-rooted ones must be fulfilled and their fruits, sweet or bitter, have to experienced.

This blog serves its purpose, writing down my life as it comes. Putting my life and my understanding of it, on the display, then reading it, just like you I read my posts and I wonder who the hell is this "Zee".

Yes, first writing then reading, then remembering, pondering and so on. As I am now, my personality is only an obstacle. This self identification with my physical appearance may be good for an infant, but a saint has pushed personality out of the way. Normally, I should have been outgrown my personal needs early in my life but it is never too late, I had to do it now.

I see the personality as a mere habit, built on memory, prompted by desire. I don't take myself to be a person - living, feeling, thinking, active, passive, pleased or pained.

I question myself, I ask myself. 'Is it so?' 'Who am I'? 'What is behind and beyond all this?' And soon enough I do see my mistakes. And it is in the very nature of a mistake to cease to be, when seen.

A life lived thoughtfully, in full awareness, is by itself wakefulness, the natural yoga.

Living in spontaneous awareness, effortlessly, and being fully interested in life - all this is implied in the state of being happy. There are so many who had this experience, a moment of beauty, ecstasy and epiphany. But they take it as something extraordinary so they destroy even the little they gain by their pride.

My new personality will be the one of humility and silence. Only a saint can allow himself complete spontaneity. I'm not there yet, I have to ripen. Until then the discipline, the living in awareness, must go on. Gradually my practice will become more and more subtle, until it becomes "me".

The world itself is the playground - the totality of all contacts, communication, relationships etc. is life. The spirit touches matter and consciousness results. Such consciousness, when painted with memory and expectation, becomes prison. 

An experience in itself does not cost anything but the experience caught between desire and fear creates thoughts of regret and pride, and that is called a destiny.

The memory of an experience is not a truth and it cannot create the lasting happiness. There is nothing wrong with memory as such. What is wrong is its content. Remember facts, forget opinions. The fact is something that is perceived being aware, unaffected by desire.

It is not what I live, but how I live that matters.

My goal of enlightenment is of utmost importance. Just to know that there is such possibility has changed my entire outlook. All the great teachers I met did nothing else, they just told me that there is a possibility for liberation, and that spark of truth has burned up a mountain of lies in my life. 

For the ignorant people the opposite is true. For them, truth remains hidden behind the personality and self-identification with the body.

I want to lose this constant identifying myself with circumstances, events and people. In truth I'm without location, placeless, beyond space and time, beyond the world. Beyond words and thoughts... I am.