The last two posts were disaster, almost no views at all. So far, Road To the Infinity posts, Part I has 50 views and Part II only 20. My readers are not interested in awakening and spirituality. So today I'm writing something different.
"Well," he said, opening the door to his car, "all you can do is put on an appearance of confidence sometimes. And after a while, others will start to believe it." He grabbed the door handle to pull it closed. "And then you die." Slam!!! - Neil Strauss
After divorce in 2013, I went to match.com and so began the weirdest phase of my life. Dating was easy, I was Zee, ruthless and hungry for fresh pussies. Outward I appeared confident, but mastering my inner emotions after long marriage and changing old thought patterns was not easy... but why I'm writing this?
One my recently divorced friend asked me to give him a dating advice. I asked him...
Are you interested in dating?
I suppose you're, and you want to find out the way to the success, the right move, you want to get that glorious key to her heart. Do you search for love?
Listen, after divorce you'll never fix what was broken inside. All you can do is to embrace the damage and move on. So don't search for love, be realistic.
Dating is hilarious. In fact, it is the best joke which you will never quite get. It's the funny thing if you don't have expectations. I hear you, your efforts are being supported by the universe; your dreams manifest into reality before your eyes. You are the architect of your life but when it comes to dating, the universe throws shit at you.
So don't search for love on online dating sites... Ooooh, you just want a casual sex! Fine, but do you understand that there is no such thing as a casual sex? That is a downside of online dating.
You see, it costs you financially and emotionally. It starts as a casual sex but after awhile it develops to something else. And when you think that things are just falling into a place nicely, usually what happens, yours expectations don't match hers, then you who hold the highest expectation, you start suffering.
Sex always comes with a price and despite of how you look at that gymnastics, sex is largely a game of chance for you and a game of choice for her.
Ah women, I love them. They are at different places in their lives when you meet them online. Most of them are divorced. If they decide to meet you, they may be looking for a fuck buddy, an one-night stand or a husband, which I doubt, or a revenge fuck. Or they may be looking just for a dinner and glass of wine or two. In most cases, you get nothing from first date because they're recovering from a recent separation.
You have been alone for too long and it is the time for you to get to the scene. Okay, lets start...
Registration
You register on the online dating site, upload your best looking photos, filled out gibberish as your profile, mention something boring about the things you love, list some books you like, list sports you do and then sit back, kick your feet up, and wait for the messages to roll in. Right?
You expect your inbox filled with messages, notes of the likes and winks from women who find your taste “refreshing”. You will chose the best looking one and invite her for a drink or dinner. After she said "yes", you put on some nice shirt, plunge out into the unknown, meet a stranger, and after an hour of slightly pleasant conversation, you grab the check. You ended up at your place or you part away with kisses, and you set up next date probably in a three or four days. You are happy, happy online dater.
But, that is in the perfect world, the reality of online dating is something else.
The online dating is a game. Wake up and be realistic if you didn't know this. You've got to keep on playing, till you hit the right combination, the winning one, and you end up on a perfect date with the woman of your dreams.
It seems like a no brainer, but you as you are now is the one of the biggest setbacks you have to overcome. Playing this Game involves personal changes.
Speak with your friends, especially females and ask them what they think how can you change your appearance to look more attractive. They will tell you. Looking yourself through others eyes is good in this case. Write down what they say. Is it changing the clothes, or hairstyle or whatever.
Do it. Follow up with them again. The point is to see yourself realistically like others see you.
Profile
Are you clear what do you want. What kind of person you want to attract? What is your relationship goal? Write honestly. Be yourself, be confident, be realistic and open-minded. Write your preferences but keep your expectations grounded in reality.
Write your profile in an easy manner... do not complicate things. Don't lie. Be simple to the point.
You need to remember you are only going to be concerned about 5% of the women on the dating site. The other 95% are there to weed through, sort out, and throw away (delete the emails from them).
Know what do you want, keeping focus on your goal.
Choose Photos Strategically
In online dating, the pictures are the first line of connection. Think about the message you're sending. Your pics dictate how potential dates view you, so be proactive and decide what image you want to project.
If you aren't sure how your profile and photos looks/reads, ask a friend to proof read it.
First Message
Writing the first message is tricky and writing a lot is usually a sign of a deep lack of confidence. Don't feel that she isn't interested in what you're saying, dude, she is on the site for the reason. Start as a friend and equal.
Read her profile. Be funny but avoid being cheesy - aim your joke at something you both have in common - perhaps something in her profile - maybe a movie?
Look through her interests, favorite foods, her job and try and spark up conversation based on what she's into.
Avoid suggesting a face-to-face meeting in your first message, instead stick to something you've seen on their profile - do you share the same music taste? Has she seen your favorite band live?
a) prove you read her profile,
b) start a conversation about stuff you share in common,
c) reinforces further that you're interested what she thinks, not just her look, by asking more about the stuff she's interested in.
Never ever compliment her looks. Those messages are shallow and meaningless. End the message skillfully... I would like to read your palm and tell you what future holds for you, is great example.
Ask one or two questions. Some guys make the mistake of firing off a long list of questions about a whole range of topics. This is too much for her.
Stick with one or two low-pressure questions that make it easy for her to respond quickly because she's interested.
Her profile is one big list of conversation topics. Just pick one detail you think is cool, or you're genuinely curious about, and ask her about it.
Analyze her profile and photos
You have seen her and you think you’re going to meet her as a thin, blonde, beautiful woman, well don't be so sure! More than half of women lie about their looks. Simply they post old photographs on their profile. Yes, surprise surprise!
It is the online dating reality, a shameful dishonesty from people looking to find their true match.
Some women are lying about their looks. Do they really think that when they finally encounter you in person, that it won’t be immediately obvious that they are four years older, two cup sizes smaller, couple inches shorter and about 20 pounds heavier than they show on her picture?
Perhaps they assume their personalities will magically make up for the fact they do not look anything like the picture that was posted online.
Before you decide to contact her analyse her profile and carefully look at her photos. Photos can tell you a lot about your potential date.
- No photo or a face covered with hair are a sign that she probably has something to hide, or else she is not really serious about dating, she only wants to go for free drinks and dinners.
- If she has only one photo with face only, you should be very careful and ask for full figure photo before the actual date.
- If she has more than 10 photos, it means she is completely self-absorbed.
- All her photos are cut out from photos with another people? Well, that’s a huge red flag on so many levels. Such photos are lies, lies and lies.
- Is there someone or something else in her photo? It’s good to have outside interests. But if her dog, friends, car or even her kids are in her photos, it may tell you a little about where you’ll stand in the scheme of things.
Anyway, by reading her profile you can feel that something is not right. Please understand.. everything you have thought of being wrong, it will be wrong. The picture lie you can spot in the first few seconds of seeing her, the other lies you will notice later on... so good luck.
First Date
I want you to know that I'm being sincere. Really. The online dating is a stage, meeting a woman for a date is a game and you should be just a player. One of many. You see, the game can be manipulated to a player's advantage with the right routines. Dating ... if you're not so serious about it, it can be a great fun.
Most of the first dates are horribly bland. The vanilla conversations, never really amounting to anything beyond what you do for a living, where and how you got divorced, how this online thing has been going for you, etc. It is awkward, there's nothing there, despite previously flirt texts and phone calls.
On a date don't talk about common things, try to avoid small talk at all cost. Small talk is a death. Instead, talk to her like you'd talk to one of your buddies. Talk about interesting things. Laugh.
You shouldn't realistically need to say much. Just let her do the talking for the most part, then occasionally respond with "Oh really?" or something funny.
Don't just tell her every boring detail of your trivial life. Nobody wants to hear that shit. Above all, have a fun, be relaxed and focus on having a good time. If she's not engaging you, she's not doing you a favor just because she's attractive. Relationships are a two-way street. She's to impress you too.
Imagine this...
You met her online. She looked attractive. You've exchanged a few messages and you gave her your phone number. She text you and you had a digital diarrhea of the constant messaging for a two or three days. She appeared interested and you're thinking you are sharing the same interests. You asked her out on a date for a dinner, she agreed. You met her and then... what?
Yes, you want to have a nice, normal, getting-to-know-you-and-laugh conversation but she is not buying anything what you say and she is so secretive about herself. Oh well, time is passing slowly, You're trying to fill out the gaps by starting to talk gibberish, she just listen without saying anything.
You want to yell "the bill please!," but the waiter did not even brought the wine yet.
How would you react in a WTF situation like this?
This is the kind of awkward date you will never forget because it makes you self-aware. It is perfectly wrong and sleazy, you know it but you cannot be true to yourself and just walk away...
Don't be against the bad first date? It's better to have a bad first date than a good one and start dating your new love just to be disappointed later, down the road. Think about it, a bad first date can save you a lot of time and heartache in the future, and money.
Lots of things can be fixed. Things can be fixed. But many times, relationships between people cannot be fixed, because they should not be fixed. You're aboard a ship setting sail, and the other person has joined the inland circus, or is boarding a different ship, and you just can't be with each other anymore. Because you shouldn't be. - C. JoyBell
Good luck. 😉
A personal blog that covers a variety of topics, including spirituality, personal development, philosophy, and psychology.