I live a quiet life. I don't watch TV, neither news nor Netflix movies. I don't follow any sport
and on the net I read only headlines. I can freely say, I am not interested
in this world. The most of my time I spend listening to music and watching
interesting documentaries on YouTube.
Main thing is being aware of I AM sense in all activities, doing yoga
practice and reading my spiritual notes. I am not satisfied with yoga
practice. I have to do it more often.
For the last 14 years I read only my own writing made up from the last
six Nisargadatta Maharaj's books. They are transcripts from his conversation
with spiritual seekers in his last days. It is his teaching before he died,
very different from
I am That
book. These conversations are recorded and written by two different authors
so I have view from two different perspectives.
From those six books I have removed unnecessary things and concentrated
Nisargadatta's teaching in 70 handwritten pages. It is a difficult, never
boring read that keeps reminding me for the most important thing in
life.
When I have no distractions from outside, from my personality or from other
people, this is how my days are passing. And... I am happy with a strange
peace surrounding me producing bright light reflected clearly as a shine in
my eyes.
I know I have not arrived at the end of my journey, I'm not self-realized
yet, I still have this shitty personality. It makes me restless to do
things unnecessarily, sometimes even things that I don't want to do.
My false personality creates boredom and jealousy, all kind of fears and hopes making me
so ridiculous.
All my problems are created by myself and my stupid urge to say and do things,
mostly the unnecessary things. There are several
different persona that made up this "Zee". The each one has it's own opinion and
desires.
I often change my mind and I don't do things I say
I will do. It is true, it is because the promise I made was done by my
personality in the moment when I was willing to promise anything just to
gain respect, like or love from others.
I am able to see my flaws but I have no clue how to change
this kind of behavior. It's look impossible. Events go, I say stupid things
regardless of my intention not to, regardless of my approval, words just
flow out of my mouth.
If you think you are different than me, you are wrong.
Each one
of you has many persona inside with so many opposite interests. You take
yourself to be reasonable and one and the same at all times but that is not
the case.
Only real difference between us is that I see my shortcomings, you don't.
I'm upset because of this, you're not.
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