The less people I know the better I am

In the mundane world nothing changed

Last night my wife called her friends to come over to our place. For almost 5 hours we were talking and talking... mostly about daily stupidities and who knows who. I was enthusiastic in the beginning, engaged in the conversation but later I became bored and disinterested, so mostly I was smoking cigarettes on the balcony.

Last night's evening reminded me of my first marriage and all those sitting parties with married couples my ex and I (as a married couple) used to hang with. I hated those evenings of stupid talk back then. After 11 years, the same thing happened last night.

When they finally left, I was completely drained of my energy, I went straight to sleep.

Let me be clear - there is nothing wrong with my wife's friends. They are normal, common, ignorant people. But, I don't like such people. I keep them far away from myself. I may appear genuinely happy when I see them but that's just my acquired behavior.

In truth, I don't trust anyone. I didn't trust this couple also, I have no single friend that I can fully trust. "Trust" meaning I can be honest and have a full confidence that my honesty will not go against me in some later time.

In this mundane world nothing changed.

The real hopeless victims of mental illness are to be found among those who appear to be most normal.

Many of them are normal because they are so well adjusted to our mode of existence, because their human voice has been silenced so early in their lives, that they do not even struggle or suffer or develop symptoms as the neurotic does.

They are normal not in what may be called the absolute sense of the word; they are normal only in relation to a profoundly abnormal society.

Their perfect adjustment to that abnormal society is a measure of their mental sickness.

These millions of abnormally normal people, living without fuss in a society to which, if they were fully human beings, they ought not to be adjusted.

~ Aldous Huxley, Brave New World Revisited

Don't cast pearls before swine

The phrase don't cast your pearls before swine is a biblical reference from the New Testament. It means not to offer valuable or precious things to those who are unable to appreciate or understand their worth.

I'm writing here articles with deep thought and delicate sense of humor but I need to be more careful with offering this genuine stuff to general public.

My honesty, integrity, good will... all these may be misused and disregarded, and my attempts to lower people's suffering in their daily life may go against me.

Matthew 7.6 exactly says - do not give what is holy to dogs, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, or they will trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces, yet, I will continue writing this blog even the readers are incapable of seeing the simple truth that nothing in this world has any value!

Going my way

My sincerity guides me. Devotion to my goal of freedom and perfection makes me abandon friendship, remove myself as far as possible from this shitty society, become extremely selfish and utterly alone.

Fuck the theories, systems, wisdom, intelligence and will. They may be good as starting point, but all that must be abandoned, the sooner - the better.

Concentration, full confidence, "I am" sense, keeping attention before words! That's the most important. With such assets, I am going my own way.

In my life I face challenges over and over to which I have only partial influence, so I find myself subject to circumstances that I can’t control. Living simple, stress-free life is very tough due to influence of other (close to me) people.

I'm coming to conclusion - the less people I know the better I am.

In the last 11 years, being alone was a gift, real gift to me but it slipped away. Now, in new circumstances I need to find the direction again and keep myself further from these noisy and arrogant people.

I will not strive to impress them, prove something to them, and care about their opinions. I fully accept the fact that no one really cares about me.

And my reader, no one really cares about you.

It’s a tough pill to swallow, but it’s necessary thing to do in this shitty world.