
MAHARAJ: You say you are writing a book. Have you the necessary self-knowledge or are you doing without it?
Visitor: I am not writing a book on self-knowledge. M: If there is no self-knowledge, who then is the writer?
V: I am writing a book on yogic asanas in conjunction with a teacher. It was not something out of my own mind.
M: That is all right. But what about yourself, your nature, identity? You are writing something about physical activities.
V: Ultimately, yes, I would like to know myself.
M: If you are not, what else could there be? Why are you writing about these disciplines? It is only to know oneself, is it not?
V: This will prepare a background for the seeker, to prepare him for his search of the Self.
M: But is your own background ready?
V: No, of course not!
M: Then, why did you write the book?
V: Because it is a technical one, with pictures.
M: But the author does not know himself, so what’s the use of the writings?
V: In that case I would rather be with you but, as I said, the book is technical and under the supervision of a teacher.
M: But what is your profit in this? By doing this job, do you attain your Self? The most important gain in life is to realize one’s Self.
V: I agree with you. In a sense, I probably gained during the time I was working on the book, meaning that I have grown in experience and maturity.
M: That means with your experience you must have collected more concepts. Are you the one that grows in height and breadth?
V: No.
M: What is the purpose of your visit?
V: Every time I visit you, I have a feeling of inspiration and exaltation.
M: What is the use of that also?
V: I understand what you are driving at.
M: Who observes all this inspiration and exaltation? Who is the knower? You are not looking towards yourself, instead you are occupied with other things.
V: Do you mean to say that while looking into myself I should pursue my vocation also?
M: Once you look inwards, everything will follow spontaneously for you. Before you recognized your mother, all things that concerned you were happening spontaneously without your knowledge.
V: Yes, I agree.
M: You have developed into a human being naturally. Before this appearance, did you have any knowledge? Instead of paying attention to this aspect, you involve yourself in the affairs of others!
V: Shall I stop then with my present occupation?
M: There is no question of continuing or discontinuing your occupation. You should get to know yourself.
V: But what should I do until I see myself?
M: You have been doing something ...
V: Earlier you said, why was I involving myself in activities ...
M: Do not bother about doing or not doing; it is most important that you look at yourself.
SECOND VIsITOR: But at least, he was doing something useful like writing a book on yoga.
M: What is yoga, what is that “linking”? Who meets what?
V: Union of the soul with God.
M: God is a word you have heard, while the soul is the direct experience of one’s existence.
V: I just expressed the meaning of yoga as generally understood.
M: That means you do not understand true yoga. Do you know that only self-realized sages are worshipped, and not the yogis?
V: Am I wrong in following yoga?
M: Many rishis and ascetics have practiced yoga; but are they worshipped?
[Addressing a newly arrived visitor, who had met Ananda Mayi Ma] Did you attain the state of ananda when you went to her? If you had realized ananda mayi, you would never have visited her again nor would you have come here. If you understand what I say, that is more than enough.
V: It is not difficult to understand.
M: Then why do you sit here?
V: I would like to sit here for some time.
M: Since you have been to Ananda Mayi, let us know what ananda is. Does ananda—the Bliss—have a tangible form?
V: I do not think so. But one can feel happiness.
M: Agreed, but do you see it, can you observe it?
V: Sometimes, I can see the essence of happiness emanating from Ananda Mayi Ma.
M: Do you not think a knower has to be present prior to any seeing or feeling?
V: After reading I Am That I understand that a knower must be there before anything can be seen, felt or experienced.
M: You, as the witness, are prior to happiness. But the ultimate you, the real you, are prior to the witness-you. Happiness is not lasting.
V: Initially, during my meditation, when I had the experience of the “witness” within me, I was terribly afraid, because I felt that I was split into two; this I do not have any more.
M: You felt the split. Now which one was “you,” the concept of “seeing,” or the witness of the concept?
V: I did not have such clarity.
M: At least, talk from the intellectual level, if you did not directly experience the subtlety.
V: I am the observer of the split.
M: Explain the two stages.
V: I was afraid that I would see the splitting.
M: Was it the splitting of the concept or was it the splitting of yourself?
V: Neither.
M: Yes, You, the Absolute, are neither one nor two. But you are prior to both.
In the earlier days in India, when the head of the country rode in his car, its license plate had no number. Similarly, you do not need a number, being the Highest. [Maharaj is again talking to the visitor who wrote books on yoga] You are a yogi, and so you understand what I am saying.
V: Yes, I understand a little but I am not a yogi.
M: But you have been studying yoga systems and practicing yoga. When you throw sugar or salt into water, they dissolve in it. Now I ask you in what did you merge?
V: Sometimes I merge.
M: At other times?
V: I was reciting the sacred name, doing japa.
M: The purpose of japa is to conserve oneself, that means the knowingness is to be retained. Japa in Marathi means to guard, to protect. You should protect your beingness by japa. ANOTHER VIsiTOR: What is beingness?
M: What “you are,” the knowledge that “you are,” without words, just the sense of beingness. Who went to Ananda Mayi Ma, the body or the beingness? The latter is prior to body, mind and eruption of any words. Did you practice japa?
V: Yes.
M: Japa is like a treatment given to your beingness, just as
you take medicine and apply poultices to your body for its well-being.
V: That is what I feel strongly.
M: You feel relaxed.
V: Yes, very much, but now that I know something about witnessing I wonder how I would be doing japa.
M: Nevertheless, at the time you knew that you were doing japa.
V: Yes.
M: Then is this not witnessing or happening of witnessing to you?
V: Yes.
M: Witnessing happens naturally. When your words enter in me, I respond. Similarly, when we perceive anything through our senses, witnessing of the perceptions happens. No special efforts are called for.
V: I want to ask about meditation and yoga.
Ten years ago Ananda Mayi Ma asked me to do japa. After some time I started witnessing the japa going on in me. Then Ananda Mayi Ma told me to pursue it. My problem is, how to attain “I-am-ness” and beingness.
M: The first witnessing is that “you are”; after that, all other witnessings occur.
Unless the primary witnessing of “you are” happens first, any further witnessings are not possible. When the flow of words emanates in you, as I have already said, the witnessing of them happens naturally in you. I repeat once again: The sense that “you are” should appear first and, subsequently, the flow of words and its witnessing take place simultaneously. Therefore, are you not prior to words?
V: I do not know.
M: That is exactly the ignorance, and to recognize it is knowledge. In the final analysis, you, the Absolute, are not this knowledge.
V: May I ask a question?
M: Remember Ananda Mayi, and with this in mind put your question because she is your guru.
V: Now I feel I am alone and that there is no guru. M: What you say is correct. In that understanding and only in that, you should stabilize. But before you came to this conclusion, did you understand what you are and what the guru is?
V: The guru is someone who tells me what to do and I obey what is told to me.
M: Shall we call the knowledge “I am” the guru?
V: Yes.
M: But even that “knowledge,” you are not!
V: When you say “knowledge,” do you mean consciousness?
M: Of course, “knowledge,” “I am,” means consciousness, God, Ishwara, guru etc., but You, the Absolute, are not that.
ANOTHER VISITOR: May I ask, who am I?
M: Are you there before asking or after?
V: Both ways.
M: This is to be understood and realized, that “I am” is even before the arising of any words and questions in me. People always want a name or concept to indicate the state of “I am” prior to words. When this is done by giving it a name, like for example Brahman, they feel satisfied.
V: I am not happy, I am very afraid.
M: Also right now, or previously?
V: Even now.
M: That fear is due to your identification with the body- mind. When you have no knowledge of the body, can there be fear?
V: No, when my guru told me I was the Brahman, this fear started.
M: Exactly, with those words of the guru, your body-mind had a shock because its dissolution began! The fear that you have is in the mind.
V: I know that, but I still have it. The body is afraid to be no more.
M: Coming back to Ananda Mayi Ma. When Ananda Mayi merges into ananda mayi (her Self), that is the Highest, the Absolute only. Ananda Mayi denotes a blissful state but still qualitative. It is consciousness.
V: Is ananda mayi of this world?
M: It is the other way, all the worlds rest in her womb. What is ananda mayi? Your state of bliss only, the knowledge “you are.” If this is not, nothing is! You consider ananda mayi as a personality, but it is nothing of the sort. Ananda mayi is the state of Being.
March 13th 1980