
June 5, 1981
Maharaj: You now know that you are. How has this happened, because of what do you know that you are? You have to go to the source. One hundred years earlier you did not know your own existence. You had no problems at that time. Now, because of this knowingness, all the problems have started. This "I Amness" has appeared because of the body, so what knowledge do we have about the body and what knowledge of this "I-ness"?
Questioner: When the body falls, when the person is dead, do the memory and the consciousness re main?
Maharaj: Both the memory and consciousness are the quality of the food body. When the body is not present, there is no question of their remaining. The "I Amness" is a quality of the food body,but that is not the nature of the true Self.
Q: What is turiyal
M: Turiya means that only you remain; nothing else remains. So long as you know that you are ,everything is. Find out what you are and you will get all the answers; find out the source of the body and the source of this "I Amness". If you find this out, you will know what you are.
Whatever changes is not your Self; this body is continuously changing. It was not there, it appeared and it will disappear. It is not you. Find out what you are.
The important thing is the consciousness. You must give your full attention to the consciousness itself. That is the process of meditation; then all the secrets will be revealed to you by the consciousness. The consciousness likes that Self-love. If you are interested in the consciousness only, you will come to know it. If you are interested in the world, then it means you are not interested in the consciousness. If you are interested only in the consciousness, then the consciousness will unmask all the secrets and then you will know what you are. This "you" will know who you are, but awareness means pure consciousness and there is no "I" there.
Watching yourself, that itself is meditation. To keep only consciousness, without mixing it with anything, that is knowledge without words, that you ARE. Thoughts will be there, but they will be weaker and weaker, so only the feeling of "I Amness" will remain: just consciousness, without any activity. Watching your activities is on a lower level, like watching anger, etc., that is identification with the body-mind.
Q: Does Maharaj feel his body?
M: I come to know that everything is through the consciousness. Just as I see you, I look at this body, but I am apart from it. I am not identified with the body.
Consciousness is not male or female, it is like light. Light also means heat. When the temperature goes down, the doctor will say that the patient is no more.
Q: What about reincarnation?
M: Even this birth is false. The quality of "I Amness" is because of the body. You don't know whether you exist or not in deep sleep; you don't know you are, that is all. You were not born at all;only the announcement of your existence is there. You existed even prior to your birth; your existence is eternal, but the knowledge that you existed came about when you were a few years old.
Just worry about this birth. Why worry about reincarnation? Think whether this birth is correct.
June 7, 1981
Questioner: How can one control the mind?
Maharaj: You accept only good and discard the evil and continuously recite the name of God-that will help you gradually control the mind. What is acceptable to you and gives you peace is good.
What your mind rejects is not good. When you do something and there is fear of failure, that means the mind is not pure.
Q: How does one develop a liking for chanting the mantra?
M: In the company of the sages you can develop it. From 5:00 P.M. to 6:00 P.M. what goes on?
Consciousness comes to meet consciousness. There will be no other talk except some communication between consciousness itself. There will be no other strange third person or individual meddling in there. God has come to meet God. You know that whatever sentiments arise, you are not those.
June 9, 1981
Maharaj: Rajneesh is not a small personality or small principal. He is tremendous - he is very big.
He is a great sage.
When you already have a guru [Rajneesh], why do you visit other sages? Since you already have a great sage as your guru, you should not sit here or come here. I do not like those shiftings from gurus to gurus. I do not like wanderers. What is the difference between Maharaj and Rajneesh? Once you remove the letters (that is, the names) what is the difference? You investigate that wanderer's "I", before you investigate others. What is the product after you remove its name.
What are you without the name or the label?
You investigate the investigator - investigate "I Am".
Before you take up the assignment of inquiring about others, inquire about yourself first and see if you are real or unreal. The letters "I Am" are written spontaneously with a certain ink. What is that ink which was used to write that which you are? In that ink with which the letters "I Am" were written, in that ink the title of Tej Sesh Bhagavan is confirmed by the Vedas. Sesh means the leftover, the remains. What is the leftover that means what you are? [Maharaj then asked someone to leave and not to listen to these talks.] One who has understood one's mystery as to what is, that one will not discuss or argue the largeness or smallness of anybody.
You have become a slave to a concept, and having become a slave to one concept you are fully involved and are immersed in more concepts. You are drowning in concepts. Having got caught up with the concept that you are, the first concept, you started giving names and titles and ideas to others and you became enmeshed therein. Although one may call oneself a jnani, one enjoys entertaining himself with a number of concepts. Although such a one knows full well that he is not going to get anywhere, still one becomes busy with a number of concepts. That Taj Sesh Bhagavanhas spontaneously come and will spontaneously go. What are you going to get for yourself as "I Am"? In what position or concept did you stabilize yourself as "I Am"? The firm conviction that I am this, the three states -waking state, deep sleep and the knowledge "I Am" ~ are the aspects of that Tej Sesh Bhagavan. You are not that.
Question: Then who am I?
Maharaj: The prominent and firm reply is only you are. You throw the hooks with bait into the water to catch the fish. In that way you, with the concept that you are, throw in the bait and haul in lots of concepts for yourself. So when the question followed by the answer is there, then anything which is refused (what remains) is that rejection.
Prior to any other recognition, you already are. If you are not, other people are not. You are supporting yourself on the intellect of the body and having stabilized in the body or the intellect, you are creating or inviting a lot of concepts, and in the concepts you are bogged down. You are talking about others, let me know what you are. I am asking about you. What are you? You the observer.
Q: Maharaj knows I do not know what I am. Why is he asking me?
M: I am not talking to you. Consciousness is talking to consciousness about consciousness. Who told you that Maharaj is talking to you? Your basis itself is wrong. One appearance noticed another appearance of a fly. That is why this automatic gesture. If I understand what I am, that is, merely an appearance, then I will know the others are appearances also. Therefore, I will have no questions, arguments or quarrels with them. But if I don't understand myself, and if I ride on the wings of a concept, then I prefer my appearance.
Q: Since Maharaj is only talking to consciousness, he will not talk to my ignorance.
M: Ignorance will remain there for all time just as knowledge also will remain for all time. There cannot be knowledge without ignorance and there cannot be ignorance without the correlated knowledge. Both are the opposites in manifestation, one cannot remain without the other. Even this concept about knowledge is merely a concept. With a jnani, there is no concept of either ignorance or knowledge. The total absence of all knowledge or ignorance is that state prior to the arising of consciousness. But you try to interpret whatever I say with various concepts and you condition yourself with all these concepts.
Q: Maharaj is taking everything away from me. I have nothing to hold onto - I will fall.
M: You will be broken into how many pieces with that fall? With all that, do what you like! Another person is searching for himself, but you are hiding.
Q: What is reality?
M: Whatever is permanently there, immortal, unchanging. The eternal ever is, a non-experiential state. Subsequent to that is the consciousness, "I Amness", the body experience and life. Your experiences are in the realm of consciousness. In the realm of consciousness you cannot have the experience of truth. As a matter of fact, there can be no experience of the truth because you are That in the ultimate analysis. How can there be the experience of the truth? It is prior to the beingness.
Q: What can one do for the continuance of that experience?
M: No experiences are permanent. You are the permanent. Experiences are there in the realm of consciousness, which is bound by time.
Q: How does one go beyond time?
M: How did you come? Experiencing things happens unconsciously or spontaneously. Knowingly you cannot go into that.
Q: Can we come out of it knowingly?
M: You want to step out? One must know exactly what is time and what is you. You must get to know that first. What is your step? You want to step out of time. What is time?
Q: Time is desire.
M: Not at all, time means space.
Q: There is separation in space.
M: Whatever you have placed before Maharaj as knowledge are all mistaken concepts. Do you have the knowledge that birth means misery?
Q: Pain of birth, not the knowledge.
M: Just by playing with words and concepts, you will not be emancipated.
Q: What should one do?
M: Don't even accept the concept that you have to do anything.
Q: What should I do with the pain?
M: The way it has come, it will go.
Q: Have I to become idle?
M: Jump about! You understand what I say but you are afraid that whatever so-called knowledge you have collected is being devalued. Krishnamurti said whatever he has said, very rightly, but do you assimilate it thoroughly? Whatever Maharaj tells you, you try to absorb it through concepts.
June 10, 1981
Questioner: When I meditate I fall asleep. What can I do to overcome that?
Maharaj: Don't raise this problem at all with me. You are in the three states, the waking state, deep sleep state and the knowledge you are, so why are you dealing with the state which you are not?
Why are you interested? It is spontaneously happening. You have to understand that when you are being stabilized in a state prior to waking state, deep sleep, prior to words and even prior to consciousness, something happens in your body state without your doing it. Leave it alone. Don't ask questions about that. You are on this side and if something is happening, why are you worried about it? Be yourself. If you are yourself, you need not worry about what is happening at the other end. You are interested in your experiential state. There are so many experiences; such as, I saw blue light, I went up, etc., don't tell me all those things. Be yourself and not the experiences. This is also a temporary phase and you are giving it undue importance by saying, "Oh, it is something!" It happens naturally.
There was a gentleman who came to me and he told me he would start crying and sobbing for about 10 minutes when he meditated. He thought it was a very great thing that happened to him in the process of Self-realization. What is the point of getting excited and saying, "Oh! I started crying!" So what! You are not the one crying, you are not your emotions, are you? So many people come to Maharaj to tell him of the spiritual experiences which they have undergone through meditation, just to show people, "I am something! "When you fall into sleep, be alert and remind yourself that "I am the manifest Brahman" at that moment, on the borderline. During the course of sleep, your transcendence is prior to mind, and continues during sleep also. If you fall into sleep reciting japa and at midnight you wake up, you will find that japa continuing. If you are alert, be aware of yourself and you will see light in the deepest recesses of your core.
June 11, 1981
Maharaj: What do you know about your body? What is it and what are you? Body is the form or shape. The taste of the food body is the knowledge "I Am". What is your identity which you feel or experience in this body? Your words are all right but are you the words? You are wearing the clothes - but are you the clothes? There is no permanent form. The body continuously changes. So long as you identify yourself with the body, you will not have satisfaction. This is the space, I am not the space. You must have the firm conviction about your own Self. You must have that deep urge to know yourself. Grace is always there. Your first conviction, that "you are", which is prior to words, to that you have given the form of a body. Give up this bodily identity. Prior to words you are, just be that.
Q: How can I be that?
M: Whatever you are, don't give it any shape or design, that is all. If you are, then everything else is. Worshipping books and being devoted to books will lead you nowhere. Be your Self. Be devoted to your Self, worship only that. Worship the knowledge "I Am" as a God, as your guru. Do you seethe image of yourself in the mirror first, or do you know you are prior to that? Which is first? If you are not, can you see your image in the mirror? Give up trying to evaluate the real I or the counter feitI, but associate the I with the Brahman, I am the Brahman. Whatever you have heard is good enough for you. No further listening to any such knowledge is necessary. Whatever you have listened to so far is good enough for you if you imbibe that and abide in it. Nothing more will be available to you. You are the Brahman in totality, nothing more. Unfortunately you have conditioned your Self to believe that you, the Brahman, are the body. Now you know you are not the body. Why are you overwhelmed by that counterfeit bodily identity "I"?
You have a lot of knowledge but it pertains to the practical world. So far you have not got the knowledge of the Self. I will not talk about the worldly knowledge. It does not end here.
This is the world. The world is covered by the space. The knowledge of space is there. The space is contained in the knowledge "I Am" and prior to "I Am" is chidakash. Chidakash ("I Amness") is the source of the universe. Chidakash is the root of the mind space. There can't be any knowledge of I am like this or I am like that; you cannot be like this or like that. Because of the chidakash, mahakash (the great space) is there. The space of the world is there because of the space of the mind, or prior to mind. One space is covered by more subtle and more expansive space. At the base of that space is the knowledge "I Am". If one abides in the chidakash knowledge, one will realize that one has no birth and no death.
June 14, 1981
Questioner: Continuous daily activity is making the mind dull. I want to know how to make the mind alert.
Maharaj: I do not speak about the body-mind and what goes on in the world. I talk only about your true nature and your true nature is the sense of presence you have, this consciousness. If you are not conscious, then there is no world for you. There is nothing there. The world exists for you only when you are conscious, so it is about this consciousness, this sense of presence, that I talk.
Once this sense of presence comes, how you act and what you do in the world I don't deal with.
This sense of presence, this consciousness, is it not prior to anything else? Even thinking about anything for which you have to use your mind, if you are not conscious, can any thought come?
Therefore, this sense of presence, this consciousness, is it not the primary thing without which nothing else can happen? Nothing—no thoughts, no concepts—can arise by themselves. No activity can arise if the sense of presence is not there. The sense of presence does not need any activity of the mind to know that you are present. You do not have to ask yourself, "Am I present, am I conscious?" There is that intuitive sense of presence, you know you are present.
This sense of presence, it is not the sense that I am present, you are present, or any individual is present. The sense of presence is the sense of presence, as such. Because one identifies oneself with his body, he thinks he is born and is going to die. What is born is the general sense of presence, as such. The sense of presence which has come spontaneously will leave spontaneously. There is no individual except through identification with the body. The sense of time, or duration, or the event happening in time, all that can come about only if there is consciousness. If there is no consciousness, do you have the sense of time?
There is the wick and there is the fuel; only then can the light be there. So light depends on the duration of the fuel. That is how the time factor comes in. The sense of presence, this consciousness, is everything. So find out how that arises and how long it is going to last. Just as the light will remain only as long as there is fuel for it, so this consciousness will last only so long as this fuel is there, fuel being the body, which is made of the five elements which are an accumulation of food. If the food is not supplied constantly to the body, the body will not last, and if the body will not last, then the consciousness will not last. Therefore, this consciousness will depend on how long the body is there. Even this consciousness is not everything and it is not going to last for all time.
Find out how that consciousness has arisen, the source of the consciousness.
What is this body? The body is only the accumulation of food and water. This food and water are certainly not you, and this consciousness is merely the nature of this food and water. Therefore, you are something separate from either the body or the consciousness. So long as the body is there, anyone who considers himself an individual has as his only capital the sense of presence, this consciousness. Treat that as the highest God and worship nothing else other than the sense of presence, and when you are one with the sense of presence, then whatever is necessary by way of spiritual knowledge will sprout by itself.
If you have any problems or questions with which you are concerned, you will find these problems and questions, are based on your identity with the body and mind as an individual. If that identification is not there, then no questions can arise. You will come to this conclusion.
June 16, 1981
Maharaj: Each one does his own work, but each one has his own quality.
Here are some tests to know whether you are on the spiritual path or not. Investigate what you are thinking of during the twenty-four hour day. You say you got the knowledge of the Self, you have collected the knowledge of the Self; nevertheless, during the whole day what are you discussing inside, in your mind flow? You are discussing all your daily affairs. You don't discuss the way the discussions are going on here about your identity, about what you are; that you don't discuss. Is there anybody who discusses with himself only about the Self? You are according to the quality of the intensity of your thinking.
I also am restless. The type of pain and misery I am now undergoing, nobody else in my place experiences in the world. This talk is not for the consumption of all.
Beyond the realm of consciousness arising from the body, there is no experience of consciousness. I want to talk about that state beyond the realm of consciousness. There are millions of names, but all these names relate to the objective world. Even the title of "parents" is also due to the bodies; as a result of the body this title of "parents" has arisen. I want you to understand clearly that without the bodily consciousness there is no Brahman; the Brahman is because the consciousness is and consciousness is because the body is. The body consciousness is the result of the five elements. Body consciousness and the world are not different; they are identical. Ponder over this in this fashion.
Whatever is grasped by the mind and intellect is this objective world. Although you have heard these talks, still you will be carried away by your conceptual experiences.
This body is made of food, but what is your true identity? It is something like the body having completely adjusted, like the grains which you have stored being completely adjusted. This is food only. This is the food body and the consciousness. The Absolute is your true identity. I have given you some indication of the Absolute. You have not surpassed the consciousness, and consciousness is the first step. Total consciousness is not the end.
June 18, 1981
Maharaj: People come here because they feel there is a need to come. The consciousness in your body feels pleasure in coming here. So long as consciousness feels the need of anything, you will be compelled to do it. When consciousness leaves, there will be no more bondage.
Other than this sense of presence, which we have because of consciousness, what has anybody got? The real happiness, without its counterpart, can only be there when consciousness leaves. So long as consciousness is there, so long is happiness and unhappiness there. Pure happiness can only be there when consciousness is not there. Whatever can be perceived is totally different from what I am. I have understood my swarupa and I am that; it has nothing to do with whatever is manifested.
You can never isolate yourself from the consciousness unless consciousness is pleased with you and gets rid of you. Consciousness opens the gate for you to transcend consciousness.
There are two aspects; one is conceptual, dynamic consciousness which is full of concepts, and the other is transcendent consciousness. Even the concept "I Am" is not there. Conceptual, qualitative Brahman, the one that is full of concepts and is qualitative, is the outcome of the functioning body. This consciousness is dead to me; it is gone. I have transcended that. So whatever is, is that other consciousness, that one which is without concepts.
The principle that is conceptual and full of qualities, which I transcended, was like a very big ocean. Now it is mostly dried up, just the dregs remain. Only a very little bit is still there, only a few particles. What is pervading and prevailing is without concept or quality. What remains is talking to you now. Where is the question of birth or death for that remaining principle? You, with your wisdom, are stuck here; you are sticking to certain concepts. If you had no concepts, why should you come here?
You study only those concepts which arise from within you. Those concepts which you do not like will not occur to you. Suppose you do not like mathematics, that subject will not appeal to you;it is a stranger to your concepts. You will be involved with only those subjects or matters which you like. Analyze your thoughts and see if this is not true. Find out the nature of your thoughts. Are they spiritual?
I abide in the state where there is no mind.
June 19, 1981
Maharaj: All happenings are only in body consciousness. Personalities only exist in body consciousness. The usual knowledge is concerned only with the body image. You are not the body, you are the consciousness. There is no imprint of personality, it is the manifest consciousness which is functioning. This dynamic, manifest consciousness is always in a fluid state. What will happen no one can say.
This dynamic consciousness does not have any concept that something good or bad is going to happen to it; it is just happening. No one is doing it.
The message "I Am" is there. The mind-flow is also there; it is not a personality, it is the consciousness. The very idea that you are the body is ridiculous; the consciousness is experiencing its manifestation. A rare being will realize this. The worldly life of a jnani means the total functioning of consciousness. Normally, a person who is always thinking of others as personalities will not think of others simply as a function in consciousness. The play of the consciousness will not come down to an individual level. It is quite different, it is manifestation only.
Are you not a disciple of a great Sage? How many years have you been going to him?
Questioner: For seven or eight years.
M: Then why did you come here?
Q: I wanted to have your darshan, I wanted to meet you.
M: When you are stabilized in your own Self, then there is no otherness, you are everything. If you abide in your Self you are like space and there is no duality left. You are as expansive and as subtle as the space, and that is liberation. You are not conditioned by any name or form. If you are like space, what is the point of going elsewhere? The space which is here is also everywhere else.
Spirituality is not a child's play. My sentences will tear to pieces the doubts of anyone who listens to them.
First of all, you abide in your own Self and transcend it, and in transcending, you will realize your Ultimate. The words emanating here are not borrowed knowledge, which is available in scriptures and other books; this is from direct experience. Nirupana means the normal practice of these professional spiritual people, they will be expounding knowledge from various books.
You must thoroughly understand what you are, or what you could be when nothing is. When nothing is, you still are. What is that you? It is all one, and when everything is, still you are; that is understandable, but when nothing is, how can I be?
June 21, 1981 A.M.
Maharaj: Any image you have of yourself is not true. True knowledge is to abide in your own Self.
Try to understand all this knowledge which you are now gathering. The so-called knowledge you get elsewhere talks only about ignorance; it cannot talk about the Self, true knowledge. All of what is pursued by the mind it is not true knowledge. True knowledge cannot be understood easily. If I had the experience "I Am" before, would I care to enter the womb of my mother? Prior to entering the womb I did not know myself, there was no knowledge of "I Amness". All so-called knowledge is tainted by words, which is only ignorance. You, the Absolute, watch the waking state, you know the consciousness, you know the sleeping state; therefore, you are not that.
Among the millions of people who have come and gone, where am I counted among them?
There is no individuality connected with any of those forms, but I have always been, and I am, the total functioning. Without me the functioning cannot take place. I am the total functioning every moment, millions of years ago or now.
In spite of my clearly understanding the foregoing, the bodily suffering has to be undergone because of the consciousness. The name of the consciousness is suffering itself. The life of suffering is nearly over. Whatever this principle is, together with the body and consciousness, it is experiencing all the sufferings and knows itself that it is worth millions of dollars, like a keg of gold. This principle, which has understood and realized what the suffering and the consciousness is, is worth millions. I do not follow the spirituality of the masses. In this place spirituality of the common type will not be doled out to you. That Ultimate you can never be lost; whatever you have lost, you have lost only the words. That Ultimate you knows or feels "I Am" without words.
Through this "I Am" comes the world knowledge. You are not in isolation, you are part and parcel of the world knowledge.
Jivatman is the one who identifies with the body-mind as an individual separate from the world. The Atman is only beingness, or the consciousness, which is the world. The Ultimate principle which knows this beingness cannot be named at all. It cannot be approached or conditioned by any words. That is the Ultimate state.
I do not want meek and humble disciples, I want them to be powerful, as I am. I do not make disciples, I make Gurus.
I want you to jump in the test tube in the process of this investigation.
June 21, 1981 P.M.
Questioner: How can I stay stable in awareness?
Maharaj: You know you are. That itself is awareness. If you think that you have to be aware, then it becomes an experiential state. You want to experience something. Don't recognize your body as yourself. That is all right for your daily worldly affairs, identifying with the body, but when you have to understand yourself, don't understand that you are the body. You have the knowledge "I Am". That itself means you are.
Awareness is that state in which the consciousness subsides into itself.
This body is the expression of the product of the food consumed. Material is consumed in the form of food and this is the result. When the food becomes less and less, the body is bound to become emaciated, become thin. This is not your identity. This is not your image. This is a tiff in box [referring to the body]. Why has this face gone lean? Because the food supply has been reduced. The food body you are not. The waking state you are not. The deep sleep state you are not.
You know the waking state. Since you know the waking state you are not the waking state. You know the deep sleep state; therefore, you are not the deep sleep state.
Q: I am lost.
M: That Ultimate "you" can never be lost. Whatever you have lost, you have lost only the words.
Who told you that you are lost? You know you are, "I Am".
The moment the feeling "I Am" appears, the world also appears. "You are" is not alone, in isolation. You are part and parcel of the world knowledge.
In the consciousness hierarchy there are three stages:1. Jivatman is the one who identifies himself with the body-mind. One who thinks I am a body, a personality, an individual apart from the world. He excludes and isolates himself from the world as a separate personality because of identification with the body and the mind.
2. Next only the beingness, or the consciousness, which is the world. "I Am" means my whole world. Just being and the world. Together with the beingness the world is also felt - that is Atman.
3. The Ultimate principle that knows this beingness cannot be termed at all. It cannot be approached or conditioned by any words. That is the Ultimate state.
The hierarchy I explain in common words, like: I have a grandson (that is jivatma). I have as on and I am the grandfather. Grandfather is the source of the son and grandson.
The three stages cannot be termed as knowledge. The term knowledge comes at beingness level. I have passed on to you the essence of my teachings.
With what identity do you recognize yourself now? With what identity did you come into this world? With what identity would you like to quit this world? Normally people cling to this bodily identity but now I have thrown overboard this identity - you are not the body. I am asking "What are you? What would be your identity now, since you are not the body? Whatever you would say in words would be incorrect, would be wrong.
You are tenaciously clinging to the body as yourself. You must have a firm conviction that you are not the body, and not even the consciousness in the beingness.
Experiment upon yourself. You are witnessing the stick and are you telling the stick that "I am witnessing you?" Nothing is useful, no talk is useful when one is by one self. When one subsides in one's true identity, nothing matters, because nothing is. When "I" subsides, it's all awareness.
June 22, 1981 A.M.
Maharaj: This consciousness and "I Amness" are due to what? What is the basic material necessary for that to sprout? It is the five elements, three gunas, and prakriti-purusha. All those result in this space "I Am". What do you have except memory? The memory is the result of the five elements and three gunas, the eight-aspects. So when that basic material is available, only then is memory there-memory of anything, and finally, most important, the memory that you are.
Presently, the feeling that you are is also a memory. To sustain that memory of "I Am", all these raw materials are necessary. You are not that "I Am". You are, as the Absolute, prior to this "I Am". This "I Amness" is the product of these raw materials, but you, as Absolute, are not that. At the most you might say "I Am", but what is this "I Am"? "I" is merely a word. In the first instance, there are words and then there is merely a memory. Memory you are not. Who has been able to retain his memory as "I Am"? Once all that raw material has gone, where is that memory "I Am"?
Your most essential step is to stand firmly on your identity as the dynamic, manifest consciousness principle. You stabilize only here. This is your first step. There is nothing else but the knowledge that you are, just be that. Nothing more, nothing less.
One cannot see rays of light, as such, they reflect only when they encounter another object.
Similarly, "I Amness" is the interruption because of these five elements and three gunas. That is why the feeling "I Am" is felt; but without the feeling of "I Am", still you are. Light itself emanates from the sun. Everything is stored, the five elements are there; therefore, it is reflecting as the sun.
Brightness is seen as the sun because something is there; if something were not there, the rays of light would be spread all over and become invisible as a source of light.
Mahakash is the infinite space. The infinite space is dark. It is as dark as when you close your eyes. In that physical space all the universe arises and sets and is destroyed.
Finally, what is the result of all the experiences that are going on in the play of consciousness?
They are just gone, ending up in pure space.
The whole world is in an ever-changing state. No form will remain permanently. Finally all the forms will vanish in space and become formless.
I am talking directly from my own experience, not from any books.
Millions of people, animals and other beings have come and gone. But the sum total of the universe—has it become more or less? It remains unchanged, has They have never become less.
They are always there.
With all these millions of forms in the world, can "my" image be left permanently? Presently you have only the feeling of "I Amness" and because of that feeling the whole world is manifested.
Once the millions of people have gone, what traces are left of them? Let us forget spirituality for the time being. Among all of my experiences, I had occasions for joy, happiness and miseries.
What part of the miseries or happiness still remains. One who has transcended the consciousness, or one who has seen the end of this, for such a one, where is there the question of any gain or loss?
I know full well that this knowingness will not remain. I abide in that no-knowing state. So,this being the case, where is the question of one's engaging in activity? With such a spiritual orientation, can one be affected by worldly or family life?
June 22, 1981 P.M.
Maharaj: Both experience and experiencer will disappear. I will not elaborate further. Changes get expressed in the consciousness and so consciousness becomes subtler and subtler. Forms get dissolved. The first step on the road to spirituality is to develop that conviction that I am not the male or the female.
Looking outside for light and sound, all disciples undergo some spiritual experience and that itself is bondage. They compare their experiences with others. Those disciples think they are very advanced. They are attracted to the experiences of sound and light, etc., because they identify themselves with the body. They want a shape and design; therefore, they revel in experiences which indicate shape and design.
You should be like space. If you pay attention to things external to you, you will be carried away. If you are the space and not the body, then at that stage the body does not remain as the body because there is nobody to evaluate the body as body. In chidakash you evaluate the world as name and form, but when name and form are dissolved, a dissolution takes place. All forms dissolve in mahakash. You evaluate a form, that it is like this or like that. When evaluation is not there, the mind is not there, it is like space.
Chidakash is that raw material by which you evaluate whatever you experience or whatever you observe. In the process of becoming more subtle, the external forms are dissolved in to mahakash; no more names and forms. Simultaneously, the process of evaluation and mind functioning stops, dissolves itself into chidakash. When both mahakash and chidakash become still, it is space only and you are the space.
Because of the external body, the "I Amness" is felt. However, in the absence of the body, the "I Amness" is still there without feeling "I Am". I am ever-prevailing.
June 23, 1981
Maharaj: Just as you are not the clothes that you wear, similarly you are not this body. This is the most important step. You will slowly realize you are just like space, because space is the beginning and the end of everything. Suppose you are sick: you want to know all about your sickness, the more serious the sickness, the more you would like to know about it. Similarly, this "I Amness" is also like a sickness. Now you must begin to collect knowledge about that.
Questioner: How do you begin?
M: Start with the body. From the body you get the knowledge of "I Am". In this process you become more and more subtle. When you are in a position to witness the knowledge "I Am", you have reached the highest. In this way you must try to understand, and the seeds of knowledge will sprout in you.
When you come to the end of material world-knowledge, at that stage you transcend the observer and the observed.
That means that you are in a true state of beingness. Thereafter you enter the state of transcending beingness, where the identities of the observer and observed disappear.
Suppose somebody abuses you and you find out who it is. Is it the body? It is not the body.
Then what could it be? Finally you come to the conclusion that it is spontaneously happening out of whatever that body is. You will not attribute it to any individual. When your individuality is dissolved, you will not see individuals anywhere, it is just a functioning in consciousness. If it clicks in you, it is very easy to understand. If it does not, it is most difficult. It is very profound and very simple, if understood right. What I am saying is not the general run of common spiritual knowledge.
When you reach a state when body is transcended, mind is transcended and consciousness is also transcended; from then on all is merely happening out of consciousness, which is the outcome of the body, and there is no authority or doership. When a sound is emanating out of a body, it is not that somebody is talking, it is just words emanating, just happening, not doing. If you understand the basis thoroughly, it will lead you very far, deep into spirituality.
The Absolute alone prevails. There is nothing but the Absolute. The unmanifest manifested itself, that manifest state is Guru and it is universal.
Who is the one who recognizes this body-mind? This "I Amness" which recognizes the body mind is without name and form, it is already there.
June 25, 1981Maharaj: I am inspired to talk but I have no energy. But whatever I say will be so profound that very few people will understand. To start with, everything happens in the space of the cosmos, and it results in concrete actions of the worldly space. All this happens spontaneously. There is no author or doership there.
At world level, various bodies are formed and at body level, we encounter the attraction of the body; first of all our own body, then attraction of the other bodies. Whatever happens in this concrete world, the instruments and the aids come from the space. The raw material comes from the space. The space is there prior to the light. When the light is collected together, it reflects as the sun.
Since all this is difficult to understand, the best course suggested is to do bhajan! Determination of good or bad is made only through words. Words, or sounds, are expressions of the space. Only at word level does one think something good or bad will happen; when one identifies with the space, it is the end of good and bad. First of all you identify something as being good or bad for yourself. Then, in an effort to acquire good or to get rid of the bad, you have invented a God - then you worship such a God and do bhajan and you pray to that God for something good to happen to you.
June 27, 1981
Questioner: What is meditation?
Maharaj: To be one with THAT because of which we know we exist is meditation. There are a number of names which have been given to Gods. All of them represent the same thing -- they represent this knowledge that one is, this beingness, consciousness. This knowledge does not refer to an individual, but to the sense of presence as a whole.
Instead of accepting this knowledge as a total functioning, one wants to cut up the knowledge into bits and pieces, taking a part for himself, based on some concept. Any knowledge based on a concept is not true knowledge.
There is no such thing as an entity. Now you know that you are awake because, you are here and you have that knowledge. There is nothing else other than this knowledge, no entity.
When you are dwelling in this consciousness you see that you are not doing anything, it is all happening spontaneously. There is no question of your trying to do anything. You cannot try to be your Self, because you are your Self.
Q: I am concerned about my family. I want them to have spiritual propensities and get awakened spiritually. I try to feed them this knowledge.
M: If they are deserving, whatever has been fed will be received by them.
June 28, 1981
Maharaj: The sprouting of Aham Brahmasmi takes place at some subtle place and when it grows, it grows continuously. What is the meaning of this sprouting? It indicates that I am the Brahman; then the inspiration, the intuition, begins. The deeper meaning of Aham Brahmasmi means an intuitive, inspirational growth from inside, the firm conviction that I am the Brahman. Such a one in whom this growth of Aham Brahmasmi starts might undergo sufferings, but that one will not lose his understanding or this sprouting of Aham Brahmasmi. That is firmly rooted. "Aham Brahmasmi" means that "I am the Brahman", but before saying "I am the Brahman", you are already one with Brahman, then only will you be able to say "I am the Brahman". It is just like the waking state.
After awakening, you might say, "I woke up." So the waking state precedes your saying "I woke up." There are two ways of receiving the knowledge. One way is you are taught the knowledge, you receive it externally. Another way is, the knowledge grows from inside, intuitively.
So far, have you understood your Self by your Self? You have not yet seen your Self, so how can you be convinced of what you are? Whatever you are identifying yourself with at the moment is only the body and the intellect in your body.
Questioner: One has to use the intellect to understand. I have been reading a lot. Maybe it will take some time to try to develop a deeper emotional understanding?
M: To understand what you are, and ultimately to identify with the Self that you are, you must meet someone who has identified himself with the Self and also who has understood the Self thoroughly.
Have you come across that identity of yours?
Q: No. I have seen it in other people. That impels one to try to find it in oneself.
M: When you look at others, that other person is just food essence, as yourself. What more understanding do you have? What is the quintessence of what you are, the inner core of you?
When you people come here, you feel very satisfied and contented. Why? You feel like that because when you are here, you are under the shade of, or you abide in, your own consciousness.
That means you are in a state which transcends body-mind and intellect. Since you are in that state, you do not have any form, you do not have any doubts; therefore, you are in that satisfied state. In that state, whatever sentences you hear will be implanted deeply in you and will not be forgotten.
There is no way for you to forget those sentences because they lead you to your Self. What you hear, you will not forget when you leave. Abide in this state of shade, in the Self, in the consciousness that you are, even when you go out. Here there is no room for the intellect to play about. Since you do not identify yourself with any form, mind has no avenue for any propagation; the mind subsides in the consciousness. This is space-like, a shade-like state.
Q: If you are in that state of beingness, is it necessary to say one's mantra?
M: Suppose you are a woman and you have not been accepting yourself as a woman, so you are told you are a woman. This is the mantra "I am a woman, I am a woman." When you are convinced you are a woman, are you going to repeat, "I am a woman, I am a woman"? When you are THAT there is no question of choice. Choice is at the level of body-mind, whether to say the mantra or not to say it.
Q: When consciousness begins to become aware of itself one would logically think that it would merge in itself. But so often it slips back into identifying itself with the body. Why?
M: Why should consciousness, which is inadequacy, which is sickness, be there at all? To a jnani, consciousness has not happened at all. If the consciousness tries to understand itself, it gets stabilized in due course in the Absolute. And when the consciousness gets stabilized in the Absolute, it knows it is like a ghost, it is not real. It is not palpable.
You did not know your own existence after you were born. Nine months in the womb and for sometime afterwards that "I am so and so" is absent. When you start recognizing your mother, then you also come to be aware of your own existence. That "I Amness" comes sometime later. Mother teaches you, in ignorance, that you are the body and you begin to believe that. Your mind also starts slowly to develop. So right from the beginning, because of ignorance, the Absolute does not know itself; and because of the body, it started knowing that it is--I AM. Because of the ignorance, you had to ask somebody "who am I?" otherwise, you would not have asked anybody. Even so-called incarnations such as Rama were like this, they had to be taught. The incarnations are just like you.
The bondage with the body came because of wrong teaching, and then the guru came and told you that you are not the body, and then you were liberated. That is why all these births are taking place.
If you knew of the bondage, you would refuse the birth. But because the "I Amness" is absent, you are trapped. Because the "I Amness" is a quality of the body, later on you come to know you are and that you are trapped. But once you know, you are liberated.
June 30, 1981
Maharaj: All knowledge is like the son of a barren woman.
Presently there are only beingness and the functioning. The individuality and personality are thrown overboard. There is no personality, so there is no question of birth, life, or death.
What remains is only the consciousness without name or form. There is no individuality at all.
The form needs a name, but when both are not there, then the consciousness remains only so long as the body is there, but without any individuality. The body is of as much use now as it was prior to the birth and after the death. How do you know me? You know me only on the acquisition of body form, name and form. Do you really see me as I am? I doubt it.
Now the conclusion is that the unborn is enjoying the birth-principle. That principle that is born took so much time to understand this, and it is the unborn only which prevails. It took so much time for the Self to understand the Self.
We have tied around our necks so many concepts; death, this "I Am", etc. Similarly, concepts of good and evil are unnecessary. We have developed these concepts and are caught in them.
How does one think about the Self knowledge? Do you abide in the Self or in the process do you think of something else as the Self? You are wrapped up and lost in your concepts.
For instance, you have a concept about friendship. How long do you keep your friends? You keep them so long as they are useful to you. So long as a friend is of some benefit to you, that's how long you would like to keep that friendship. Now, how can I actually derive benefit out of a friend?
I, as an individual, am not there, so how can there be a question of benefit? Benefit to whom? How can there be a question of friendship at all.
Anybody who comes here can sit. I will allow him to sit for some time, but later on I will say, "You may leave." Why? Because I have no intention or purpose of having any friendship with that person.
Ordinarily, there is some purpose for deriving certain benefits out of an association with another. When you meet someone in friendship, there may be some intention to serve one another.
But I have no friends. Even this "I Amness" will not remain as my friend.
I am not able to talk any longer—the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. Previously I used to welcome people but now I am not in a position to welcome them. They come, they sit and they go by themselves. I cannot even extend my hospitality.
All my knowledge has gone into liquidation. I am unconcerned.