My first vacation after divorce - St Marten - December 24, 2013

Whenever I post the post about my divorce I have to re-post this post, my life after separation with my ex. So this is an old article.. it is useful if you're heading towards divorce....

If you're married, let me say that I am truly glad that you are in such state of being in love, that you're working on fixing that leaky roof and redecorating the master bath. I think that sounds like more fun than reading "I am That" book. Honestly.

You were born alone and you’ll die alone. Everything in between is decision and fate. Marriage is like a cage. It prevents people from living to their fullest in many cases.

The last photo with my ex wife - April 2013

Divorce is splashing the cold water on your face while you're sleeping, it is a rude awakening. It is a shock when you discover the truth about your situation. And it happened to me in the late afternoon on June 30, 2013.

I agreed with my wife's wish to divorce. I left our home in two weeks and I started completely new life. I always wanted to live at High Park area so I searched for the apartment there and luckily it was available. I took apartment on 23rd floor, I remember 2310.. I liked it.

My first apartment - July 15, 2013

So I did it. I broke up with the old... and moved the fuck on. I was happy, optimistic and full of energy. I was happy for small things. I didn't have a big dreams to became something, to advance in career, to have expensive car or to change my way of living. I was satisfied with what I have.

And, I did not have much not even a cell phone. I had home phone, stationary one, but not a cell. When I went first time for a beer night and when I met my friends at MK they were shocked to see that I have no cell phone. So on their advise I got a new HTC One phone next day. And that how it started...

The first beer night with my friends - September 22, 2013

I was unprepared, slightly stunned but I began to live different life. I got surprised by divorce and started trying to accustom myself to be alone. In our consumer society I find that the ultimate goal in life is to pair up with another human being and cling to the "coupling" ideal as if your life depends on it.

For a long time in my married life, I felt like I was waiting for something. Things were uncertain. In my beginnings after divorce, some days were very difficult, sometimes I struggled immensely through being alone, but I made it through.

I had emerged from 22 years of being together with my ex, still wild at heart, I was ready for that last minute trip, I was ready to be spontaneous, for the random exciting hour or day and I was ready to be completely alone. I had introduced the rules in my life and living by the rules has given me freedom. The rules though, are my own values, my own truths.

I have been leading my life after divorce very consciously, practicing detachment and having in mind the impermanence of everything. It is a big shit, I mean, detachment and impermanence.

My first girlfriend after divorce - August, 2013

I moved away from the wreckage of divorce. In October 2013 I met Angela, my first serious girlfriend. Our two years relationship was full of breakups and re-connections but it is true, she gave me love and space to deeply reflect on my inner personal challenges, and address them one by one. 

In December 2013 I went with her for my first vacation after divorce, St. Marten on Christmas time and it was mazing. After that we went several times: Mayan Riviera, Cancun, Los Cabos, Punta Cana. 

When I was married, I've enjoyed spiritual books. But after divorce, I slowed down on reading them. They simply stopped to motivate me the way they once had.

I went to yoga studio for entire 2013 and 2014

What’s more, since my divorce, I have begun to believe that spiritual ideas and practices are a big joke and after 12 years of reading spiritual books and doing daily meditation I have concluded - it is all bullshit, it comes to nothing.

So I started blogging writing about stupidity of New Age spirituality. But nobody wanted to read about that. So slowly I changed the format and I started writing about yoga and daily life. The personal posts have the largest number of views. Last year I introduced dating series and it was a big success too.

Anyway, through the pages of my posts you can see that I always want to change myself. This is a good thing, it shows I am not so old in my heart. I have stopped searching for Truth.

I put all my efforts toward myself in the most selfish way. There is no Truth to be found. We are here for a short period of time in order to have fun. Life has no meaning unless you want to fool yourself.

I have concluded this in December 2014, while I was sitting besides my mother in hospital. She was dying from liver cancer. She was sleeping in a bed unconscious, I was beside her and I was thinking about her life... how beautiful and strong she was... and how her life passed so quickly.

I realized, back then, that life is given to us in order to have fun. Life is not serious. And to have fun I have to be and feel healthy and nice looking for my age; I want to be the handsome one.

Life goes on...😆

What should I do with my life?

This is a simple question but I struggle to answer. Sure, there are lucky people who seem to be so busy that they think they know exactly what they want to do. I know, I went through various struggles in my life. I traveled a lot, played basketball, went to big city for a new beginning, did my studies, married, start working, became a parent, emigrated to Canada, again new beginning, worked various jobs, bought a condo, paid the mortgage, got divorced, again new beginning...

You have your own struggles, no doubt about it. You have probably tried a few different careers already but haven't found one that you truly like. And now you're asking the same question - what to do next.

March 28, 2022.. I dare you to post a shirtless photo at 57 😉

You see my friends, I live in state of constant contradiction; sporadic happiness mixed with frustration and an idea of change. The most important for me is self-realization and my life goes around it with some other things like: yoga, sex and work.

At this age, the sex is still a big deal of my life. I like it, I like the smell of woman's body, I like woman's lips, kissing, caressing, hugging, a romantic dinner, a waiting before and a laughter after. Sex is the ultimate escape. It is a way of complete self-forgetfulness. For the time being, at least for the moment, I can forget myself.

Sometimes, I start dreaming of a better life where I am not so lazy and where I can do everything what I've planned to do.... And then I remember, life is just a game.