Whenever I post the post about my divorce I have to re-post this post, my life after separation with my ex. So this is an old article.. it is useful if you're heading towards divorce....
If you're married, let me say that I am truly glad that you are in such state of being in love, that you're working on fixing that leaky roof and redecorating the master bath. I think that sounds like more fun than reading "I am That" book. Honestly.
You were born alone and you’ll die alone. Everything in between is decision and fate. Marriage is like a cage. It prevents people from living to their fullest in many cases.
I agreed with my wife's wish to divorce. I left our home in two weeks and I started completely new life. I always wanted to live at High Park area so I searched for the apartment there and luckily it was available. I took apartment on 23rd floor, I remember 2310.. I liked it.
So I did it. I broke up with the old... and moved the fuck on. I was happy,
optimistic and full of energy. I was happy for small things. I didn't have a
big dreams to became something, to advance in career, to have expensive car
or to change my way of living. I was satisfied with what I have.
And,
I did not have much not even a cell phone. I had home phone, stationary one,
but not a cell. When I went first time for a beer night and when I met my
friends at MK they were shocked to see that I have no cell phone. So on
their advise I got a new HTC One phone next day. And that how it started...
For a long time in my married life, I felt like I was waiting for something. Things were uncertain. In my beginnings after divorce, some days were very difficult, sometimes I struggled immensely through being alone, but I made it through.
I had emerged from 22 years of being together with my ex, still wild at heart, I was ready for that last minute trip, I was ready to be spontaneous, for the random exciting hour or day and I was ready to be completely alone. I had introduced the rules in my life and living by the rules has given me freedom. The rules though, are my own values, my own truths.
I have been leading my life after divorce very consciously, practicing detachment and having in mind the impermanence of everything. It is a big shit, I mean, detachment and impermanence.
In December 2013 I went with her for my first vacation after divorce, St. Marten on Christmas time and it was mazing. After that we went several times: Mayan Riviera, Cancun, Los Cabos, Punta Cana.
When I was married, I've enjoyed spiritual books. But after divorce, I slowed down on reading them. They simply stopped to motivate me the way they once had.
What’s more, since my divorce, I have begun to believe that spiritual
ideas and practices are a big joke and after 12 years of reading spiritual
books and doing daily meditation I have concluded - it is all bullshit, it
comes to nothing.
So I started blogging writing about
stupidity of New Age spirituality. But nobody wanted to read about that.
So slowly I changed the format and I started writing about yoga and daily
life. The personal posts have the largest number of views. Last year I
introduced dating series and it was a big success too.
Anyway,
through the pages of my posts you can see that I always want to change
myself. This is a good thing, it shows I am not so old in my heart. I have
stopped searching for Truth.
I put all my efforts toward
myself in the most selfish way. There is no Truth to be found. We are here
for a short period of time in order to have fun. Life has no meaning
unless you want to fool yourself.
I have concluded this in
December 2014, while I was sitting besides my mother in hospital. She was
dying from liver cancer. She was sleeping in a bed unconscious, I was
beside her and I was thinking about her life... how beautiful and strong
she was... and how her life passed so quickly.
I realized, back
then, that life is given to us in order to have fun. Life is not serious.
And to have fun I have to be and feel healthy and nice looking for my age;
I want to be the handsome one.
This is a simple question but I struggle to answer. Sure, there are lucky people who seem to be so busy that they think they know exactly what they want to do. I know, I went through various struggles in my life. I traveled a lot, played basketball, went to big city for a new beginning, did my studies, married, start working, became a parent, emigrated to Canada, again new beginning, worked various jobs, bought a condo, paid the mortgage, got divorced, again new beginning...
You have your own struggles, no doubt about it. You have probably tried a few different careers already but haven't found one that you truly like. And now you're asking the same question - what to do next.
You see my friends, I live in state of constant contradiction; sporadic
happiness mixed with frustration and an idea of change. The most important for me is self-realization and my life goes around it with some other things like:
yoga, sex and work.
At this age, the sex is still a big deal
of my life. I like it, I like the smell of woman's body, I like woman's
lips, kissing, caressing, hugging, a romantic dinner, a waiting before and
a laughter after. Sex is the ultimate escape. It is a way of complete
self-forgetfulness. For the time being, at least for the moment, I can
forget myself.
Sometimes, I start dreaming of a better life
where I am not so lazy and where I can do everything what I've planned to
do.... And then I remember, life is just a game.
