It is 2 am and it is already Saturday. I'm officially on vacation. The last week was terrible, a lot of stress at my work, and this hot and humid weather in Toronto did not help at all. I didn't go out for a walk almost entire week.

On Thursday night I started studying the latest java technology. I refreshed my knowledge of Spring Boot and it is nice to actually understand things I'm using in my daily tasks. Last night I created my first mongoDB and I have started liking it.

Today I will go deeper into design and implementation of the database but I have to be careful, I can spend all my time just programming. I am single pointed and that is not so good. There is a real danger that if I am not careful with my time management, I may forget everything else, do only studying and not practising yoga, never go for walks etc.

I remember October 2019 when I broke up with my girlfriend I was with almost 3 years. I call her my narcissistic ex girlfriend because she is that, a cheap, cold and calculated woman. I told her this and she laughed.

At the end of 2019 I was learning Angular UI development and I disregarded everything else in my life. I did not do any yoga, I was not going out, and even I did not eat properly at all. I was learning and coding my ecommerce project.

I disregarded our relationship and of course she met her former boyfriend (in Lablows) and she left me. I would say, she left me for good. Last Saturday we met, she came to my place and what to say... Things were not the same as they were and they will never be the same.

She still looks good but two years of lockdown has changed her. And me too. Her story is far away from my life that I cannot really connect. We talked like a polite strangers, pretending we are interested in the conversation. She left after 2 hours and since then there was no text messages or phone calls. She simply faded away.

On another note, I have 12 yoga practices so far in August and there are still 4 days left so I will try to do it every day. I must do it, this is what I really care for. I started reading before sleep "Reality vs Illusion" the talks with Ranjit Maharaj, so I am not forgetting the main fact of life - all this is illusion.

It's going to be tough in this illusion. Shocking and dehumanizing discrimination against the unvaccinated is going to make my life very difficult. Ontario is introducing vaccination passports next week and probably I will not able to travel anywhere, go to the restaurants, have a haircut, go to concerts, watch live games... etc. and maybe I will lose my job as well.

Opposing covid measures now tops the US government's list of potential terror threats. Unbelievable, I am a terrorist now. Many times in history human beings were used as slaves and property, when the official media was twisted narrative and manipulated facts by those bastards, I have to chose and vote for.

I'm in a bad mood.

Today is a sad anniversary, 28 years ago, I got married. If I just could I would completely remove this memory from my mind. Whatever it is, is today, and today my ex wife doesn't want to be a friend with me. I remembered Bukowski, once woman leave you, you could be on the street, bleeding, she will pass by and spit on you. But who cares, I have something much more from this life...

One my friend, who does not read this blog but knows about it, asked my what I am writing about here. He meant to ask what I am writing about almost daily when there is nothing happening in my life. And he is right, I don't know what to write here anymore.

What I like to write about, the awakening, the truth, some different point of view, no one wants to read. The great post about presence and absence has almost no views. However, my dear reader, that is the most important thing in life, how do you see yourself and the world, believe me when I say that.

This post is in category BOOKS because I would like to finish it with my favorite Charles Bukowski poem - Bluebird. you see, I have a bluebird too, and just like in the poem, sometimes it comes out and it sings for me.

There's a bluebird in my heart
That wants to get out but I'm too tough
I say: "Stay in there
I'm not going to let anybody see"
 

There's a bluebird in my heart
That wants to get out but I pour whisky
I take a cigarette so the whores
The bartenders, the grocery clerks
Never know that he is in there
 

There's a bluebird in my heart
That wants to get out but I'm too tough
I say: "Stay down
Do you wanna mess me up?
Do you wanna screw up all of my works?"
 

There's a bluebird in my heart
That wants to get out but I'm too clever
I only let him out at night sometimes
When everybody sleeps
I say: "I know that you're there
Don't be so sad, " that's what I said
 

Then I put him back but he's always singing
I don't let him die and we sleep together
Like that with our secret pact
It's nice enough to make a little man weep
But I don't weep, do you?