You are you. A real person who certainly exists. I and the rest of us, are
only images on your screen. You are the same for me, three dimensional constructs oppressed through imagination... and alike we
ride, loving and pissing on each other, searching for the meaning.
Early in 2002, I was pushed into spiritual path. In the beginning of my awakening, I felt like I didn’t belong to this world
and its people. And I still, so clearly, have this feeling today.
You feel life as a funny journey. You experience it as if you are traveling
from one event to another event in time, with hopes, expectations and dreams.
I may appear to do and feel the same like you but that is not quite true.
I
may make plans to travel, to go for a vacation, meet my friends, have
dedication for yoga practice, finish work project, etc. etc. but what I
actually feel inside myself is an endless peace. I'm satisfied with were I am
and I know well who I am. For me the life is an entertainment.
On other hand you are running in a treadmill. You evaluate life through your
gain... something is a profit, something is a loss for you, success or
failure, pain or pleasure, call as you like. So, no matter what you try to do,
you really never come to a place of your complete fulfillment. You don't see
that you are on a treadmill.
You may be reading my blog for a quite some time, thank you for that, but
still you have no clue what "spiritual enlightenment" or
"self-realization" or "awakening" really means. It remains a
mystery for you so you don't read such posts.
It's a funny thing, we are living in an age where everything is so available,
nothing is hidden. But you have no idea about the true authentic spirituality,
the science which explores the mechanics of your own suffering and the way out
of it.
I started this blog back in 2012 hoping I can tell you something to reduce
your confusion and get you more clarity on the path of self knowledge. 12 years after I have concluded that I miserably failed. I see now that you can
not be taught about enlightenment, simply because your time has not come...
yet.
I have had experience that there is a part of me which is so pure, a witness,
stable like a diamond, unchanging that exist forever. This vision gives me enormous strength to face the world and its bullshit.
It is a secret of my inner joy.
22 years on the path of self-realization and I feel I am not yet there. Still
I did not dissolve my acquired self, this personality... so I continue to kill
my personal limited self. On these pages, I'm exposing my
personality full of lies and fears... I want to get rid of that.
The world around you treats you in a certain way because you are a person
projecting your knowledge of WHO YOU ARE. In fact, the society simply
reacts to how you see yourself, the patterns of your reactions, speech makes
your behavior. In turn, you really think that you are in the world and the
most of the time that world does not treat you according to your wishes. From
a perspective of Reality you look like as a complete lunatic.
Don't get that to scares you. In 2010 I was crazy, totally (according to your
standards). After that, many things permanently changed in me. I'm not afraid
of the world anymore, it is my world. I'm less judgmental too, less
argumentative, less problematic and less complaining than you. In fact, I have
understood that awakening is actually a normal way of permanently
releasing stress.
I don't
worry much. This is a good thing right? Not always. My lack of worry irritates
the people around me. I am seen as an irresponsible, for my money spending
especially. My lack of fear is easily misinterpreted as lack of humility. Maybe I am fickle and unstable, my daughter takes me as a showman, an entertainer, my wife thinks I'm immature, my boss at work
feels like I lack respect...
People think that I'm careless. And they bother me with a long monologue of useless advices. I keep offending those who have strong egos, which
can actually become a threat, some people may even try to use me, I simply
don't care... and that offends.
“I will never reach Ixtlan”; “Yet in my feelings... in my feelings sometimes I think I’m just one step from reaching it”; Only as a warrior can one survive the path of knowledge. Because the art of a warrior is to balance the terror of being a man with the wonder of being a man. ~ Journey To Ixtlan by Carlos Castaneda
My spiritual seeking slowly fading away, the person who was seeking is less
and less. Spiritual enlightenment is a rebirth. You have to learn
how to live with it all by yourself. It takes years to stabilize without personality, but... my time has come.
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