F*cked Up Life

I'm learning as I go. You don't have to. You can read it here...

ask and it shall be given you
seek and ye shall find
knock and it shall be opened unto you
for everyone that asketh receiveth
and he that seeketh findeth
and to him that knocketh it shall be opened

This sounds pretty optimistic but in reality it looks more like this... 

My dear friends, 

One of big problems in life is you think you started something too late. It’s never too late to start. The real problem is if you are never obsessed about anything. That gives you regrets in life, undefined emptiness and finally it leads you to a depression.

Do you have an aim in your life? An aim and a goal is not the same thing. An aim is a purpose, the vision. Aims are bigger, more general, abstract, and do not have goals. The goals are specific intents, a desired destination.

Hear me out...

The aim of my life is my abstract vision to obtain self-realization. How to do that and when I could say I finally got it, I have no clue. I have no goals towards that aim. I say I have to destroy my personality but that is a bullshit. Just like any other goal. The goals are a fantasy, a cartoon board full of pretty pictures to paint the dream.

You don't live a serious life. You simply don't have large issues in your life. When life becomes serious, it's completely left up to chance, luck, or magic. You have no saying at all. But until then you put tasks in your calendar and masturbate over accomplishing them.

An aim is an obsession that leads to desired way of behavior, but only if you are really obsessed and patient enough. Forget goals. 

You are constantly trying to get to the future, whether near or far rather than enjoying the fullness of the present, your mind is looking for achievement, progress, and becoming.

And why not, it’s so easy and cheap, it costs you nothing to imagine better things in your life. You can do it right now. Imagine having a million dollars. See how easy it? Effortless. That’s how easy it is to desire things.

I will tell you a joke how John explained to George difference between POTENTIALITY and ACTUALITY. They were the middle aged men and they were sitting in the bar... Hey John, look that guy over there. What do you think, would your wife sleep with him for 1 million dollars? George looked at him, and he was thinking, hmmm nice looking guy, 1 million dollars... yes I think she would. John smiled and said, I think my wife will have sex with him too, for 1 million dollars oh yes. And now he explained to him the POTENTIALITY AND ACTUALITY... You see George, POTENTIALLY we are millionaires, but ACTUALLY our wives are whores.

The imagination is a big problem

Compared to the awesomeness of the imagined future, your current situation suddenly looks not just depressing but problematic. Do you see what your imagination or desire essentially does to you? It's  creates a problem by getting you out of the present and placing you in an alternate reality which you like it.

And what you usually do in such situation? You create a goal to accomplish desired something. But the fact remains, you are lacking the experience of the present moment.

Do you feel worried about your money situation? Feeling insecure and unworthy? So you create goals... so blind and deaf to the present moment which you gladly exchanged with for some imaginary future.

I hate hopes. I'm content in the here and now and I really don't have a need for goals. Contrary to popular belief, living in the present does not make me blind to the future, it just makes me more alive while goals makes me lifeless. Fuck goals, they move the living into the future and not now.

So my friend, all this happen unconsciously. You can’t put a finger on any problem in your life. And once you get stuck in a rut of wrong psychology it’s hard to get out. You just keep doing the same old things that got you there, and like a hamster on the wheel, you simply can’t break the cycle.

That’s how you spent your miserable life... being lazy, unmotivated, and going nowhere.