Dear readers, thank you for stepping into my life. My particular imaginary character has a story-line that revolves around enlightenment better known as self-realization or finding who I am. My piece is an unconvincing, poorly scripted and clumsily acted fiction of no importance with limited entertainment value.
My desire to gain self-realization provides the dramatic impetus for many tragi-comic me-centric posts you are reading on this blog.
That's it
My life is not a rush and I am not living in a frantic tempo. Not because I want to, I just do what is necessary.
But as I stand now, I still do many unnecessary things, I easy give up to influence of others, talking stupidities a way too much, making promises without any desire to follow up on those.
I must learn to shut my fucking mouth. Otherwise, I will continue be an immature guy who does not listen his own words.
The maturity is not what you think it is, it is neither seriousness nor fulfilling your duties. Being grown up has nothing to do with being reasonable.
The maturity lies in the readiness to let go of everything. The giving up is the maturity. But real maturity is in realizing that there is nothing to give up; for nothing is my own.
There is no such thing as "me". There is only acquired behavior with restrictions and limitations.
Considering others is a bullshit
People will never be satisfied with anything I say or do. If they like me that is because they feel good at that time. Noting else.
After my first marriage, I became aware, in a gradual manner, that my ordinary life has been forever left behind. The ordinary world is no longer concern for me; I've adopted a very specific way of living. And that new way of living I want to continue in my current marriage.
My acts, words and wishes appear to be important to me only because I pretend to think they are important. This is how world works. You learn to think something is important and then you look at the world and see what you think.
Self-importance and self-pity are my worst enemies. The constant struggle against those feelings is most important to me. It is my revolt against this individual, personal, self that drives me now.
Nothing is important
I have no honor, dignity, name, country but only this life to be lived. I am not concerned about liking other people or with being liked myself. In reality, nothing of what I do is important. Nothing. I do like whatever and whoever I want but I am unconcerned about that.
I don't waste my energy on worrying about things. Nothing really matters.
I treat everything with respect but I don't involve myself in daily affairs unless I chose to. I have no agenda or any issue to force upon anyone. I'm dispassionate and outside of everything, detached from society at large.
My wife says the character is important but I don't give a shit about my character. I don't protect or defend it. I never take myself too seriously, I'm cheerful, fluid and spontaneous and shift my acts with surroundings.
It took me a long time to clean out the garbage from my days of ignorance. But again, it happens, sometimes, I'm stiff, heavy, clumsy and vain because I care about things that are actually not important at all.
My mind still can do all kind of tricks so I become offended by people. All my spiritual efforts now are directed to eradicate this feeling of self-importance.
I have no time. My time is running out. There is no need to be fearful and cautious. My life is a play, silly and meaningless. Everything exists only in my imagination.
Category
