Dear readers, thank you for stepping into my soap opera. My particular imaginary character has a story-line that revolves around breaking out of the soap opera itself. My piece is an unconvincing, poorly scripted and clumsily acted fiction of no importance with limited entertainment value.
My desire to break out of the soap opera provides the dramatic impetus for many tragi-comic Zee-centric posts you are reading on this blog.
In the new episode you will watch how Zee works hard to get into shape. It will be so interesting, stay tuned.
Let's do it
My life is not a rush and I am not living in a frantic tempo. Not because I want to, I just need to do what is necessary. As I stand now I do many unnecessary things, I easy give various promises to people without following up on those. I must learn to shut my fucking mouth.
Forsome I will continue be an immature guy who does not listen to her words. So be it. Tonight the moon will be visible from the earth. The last time this happened was last night.
I want to tell her, the maturity is not what she takes it is. According to Zee, the maturity lies in the readiness to let go of everything. The giving up is the maturity. But real maturity is in realizing that there is nothing to give up; for nothing is my own. There is no such thing as Zee. There is only restrictions and limitations which I'm trying to get rid of.
Considering what others think is a bullshit
People will never be satisfied with anything you do or say. If they like you that is because they feel good at that time. Noting else.
After divorce, I became aware, in a gradual manner, that my ordinary life has been forever left behind. The ordinary world is no longer concern for me; I've adopted a new way of living.
My acts, words and wishes appear to be important to me only because I pretend to think they are important. This is how world works. You learn to think something is important and then you look at the world and see what you think.
In my life my, my self-importance and self-pity are the worst enemies. The constant struggle against those feelings is important to me. It is my revolt against this individual, personal, self that makes me suffer.
Nothing is important
I have no honor, dignity, name, country but only a life to be lived. I am not concerned about liking other people or with being liked myself. In reality, nothing of what I do is important. Nothing. I do like whatever and whoever I want but I am unconcerned about that.
I don't waste my energy on worrying about things. Nothing really matters. I treat everything with respect but I don't involve myself in daily affairs unless I chose to. I have no agenda or any issue to force upon anyone. I'm dispassionate and outside of everything, detached from society at large.
People say the character is important, I don't give a shit about Zee character. I don't protect or defend it. I never take myself too seriously, I'm cheerful, trying to to be fluid and spontaneous and shift my acts with surroundings.
It took me a long time to clean out the garbage from my life. But again, sometimes, I'm stiff, heavy, clumsy and vain because I care about things that are actually not important at all. My mind tricks me so I become offended by people. All my spiritual efforts must be directed to eradicate this feeling of self-importance.
I have no time. My time is running out. There is no need to be fearful and cautious. Life is a play, silly and meaningless. Everything exists only in my thoughts. I have no time and I act upon it.
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