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When I was your age...

Zee Mark
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What you are thinking of as "awake" - some intense new passion for a worthy cause or a deep feeling of love for all existence, is actually the deep sleep, much deeper than a feeling of boredom or indifference. It is an intense association with the Illusion. The bored and the indifferent are on the verge of leaving the lure of the temptress Maya behind, no longer swayed by her shiny attractions. They are on the verge of waking. ~ Shri Sadguru Siddharameshwar Maharaj
How many times I heard my father told me: When I was your age, children knew how to respect their parents. Then, he would continue... When I was your age, I had to walk to school ten miles. In the snow. Uphill. Crossing the river. Both ways. I use to finish his sentence before he said it. Do you think this is funny? It was but it is not anymore. I actually used this phrase last week when speaking to my daughter. For the first time in my life I told her, well, when I was your age...

If you take away all the smoke and mirrors of the false smiles, and all the deceit of daily life, you can clearly see that we are steadily chasing the wind. In all seriousness, we've done nothing in our life but fool ourselves thinking that we have achieved something.

Ultimately, I know life is useless simply by looking at my father: he's a successful family and business man... and now he is old and lonely. My mother passed away seven years ago, my twin sister died three years ago and he is now living alone trying to organize his life the best as he can. His main activities are watching TV, buying groceries and going to funerals. He is also very careful to get his medications on time. And that's it.


Life is useless. We spend our life working, building bigger house, saving more money, raising children... and what do we have to show for it? Generations come and go, the world stays the same. The sun still rises, it still goes down, the wind blows, river flows into the sea, but the sea is not yet full. The water returns to the sky, the rain brings it down over and over again.

Our fate is miserable. We have nowhere to go, our life is meaningless. At very early age they put us in schools to learn the difference between knowledge and stupidness, wisdom and foolishness. But we have not learned much, rather we become an uninteresting piece of self satisfaction. 

The smarter you are, the more worries you have; the more you understand, the more it hurts.

Immediately after divorce, I decided to cheer myself up with beer and wine and have a good time with women. I thought that this might be the best way I can spend my short life on this earth. But what I've found is that I spent my time laughing on stupid jokes, where the most of the time I was a subject of those jokes. 

What does it means to be smart or stupid? The wisdom is not better than foolishness, just as day is not better than night. You may say, the smart knows where he is going, and a stupid doesn't. But I also know that there is no destination, the same fate is waiting for both. What happens to an idiot is going to happen to me, too. So what have I gained from being or trying to be smart. Nothing!

On the end, the life will come to mean nothing, because everything in it had brought us nothing but trouble. 

I don't fear being alone and I don't buy this lie, this myth of the Lonely Old Man. I'm not sorry for my father. He has to learn to be alone. He has to be comfortable with himself and confident in his true independence.


It is just matter of time, at some point you too will conclude that there is nothing great about the world you live in. Whether that is inspired by a death of close relative or a friend, loss of job, divorce, the "awe-inspiring" boredom, or a breakup of relationship, at that moment you will start wondering what is life all about.

Life suffering is necessary, you must suffer until you realize that suffering is not necessary. 

Our beliefs, concepts, thoughts, are false, just imagination. And not only our beliefs but also your education and religion, spiritual understanding, life philosophy, our ideas, hopes and expectations. 

Our existence is utterly, perfectly, gloriously meaningless. 

Money, power, prestige, high heels, fashioned hairstyle, sure whatever defines us, however we describe ourselves, think of ourselves, project ourselves every feature, every trait, characteristic, feeling, belief, opinion, all of it... self-ness, it is all worthless. Just an empty costume.

We have evolved in one side only, growing in social area without any comparable growth in self-knowledge. This created our feeling of being lonely, temporary visitor in the universe.

We are driven by greed for material objects and fear of being hungry, our religion sucks, our philosophy is dead. I'm not saying we need a new religion. We do not need a new Christ. We need a new experience of what it is to be "I". Our common sensation of self is a hoax. We are dreaming, completely hypnotized.

We talk and talk because it gives us pleasure, it fills our time. We talk about our imagination, lying, complaining and expressing negativity are in fact our main characteristics, the walls of our prison. We must see all this in order to do anything about it.

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