If something ties the relationship it is love, sex, passion... You may disagree with me and say that there are other factors that tie two complete strangers (for example, like kids or like material things especially house) but that is just wishful thinking.
A wedding that’s shown in the movies, seems like everything is so glittery, hopeful and happy. But, real life begins after that. When the celebration dies down, the guests have gone, the gifts have been unwrapped, that’s when it would hit you that you’re truly married to your significant other. The wedding is over, the marriage begins.
Not the key to happiness!
The marriage, as an institution of family life doesn’t work.
Married
people are trying a lot of things, but still they can’t understand how to make
their marriage work. Things are going from bad to worse, so by the 40 they are
facing real possibility of divorce. So, they go on Google search looking for
marriage advice. This is good because they are seeing the problem, and
admitting it which is a halfway of solving it.
I use to say - when trouble starts, get
divorce as soon as possible, you will save time, energy and money.
But,
lets go from the beginning...
You meet someone, fall in love, then you
start living together. Two or three years pass and your family is
demanding a wedding and lots of babies... so you do it.
According
to wedding toasts, romantic movies, love songs, and various religious texts,
the marriage is meant to last forever. Can you imagine? Nothing less but
forever. And that is a long, long time. The expectation is high but actually
living out that promise is quite another thing.
Pretension of a meaningful life
Even the happiest, healthiest marriages have a great amount of
bullshit. On the surface all is polished and looking nice but the deep inside
reality is that one of the spouse is already boiling an invisible, toxic hate
that leads to the ugly but unavoidable loss of passion.
Women in
marriage, behind their kitchen sink, feel perpetually bored and frustrated.
The lack of understanding, compassion and kindness from a husband is so obvious.
On
other hand, the husbands are frustrated not over
tasks and responsibilities, but of a lack of attention. Man spend their married time in a longing for love, fun, meaning, and a
desire for a deeper connection with wife.
Feeling emotionally neglected by his wife, a married man is left craving for the affection he's seeing his wife lavishing giving to their children.
He miss the easy and fun passion their relationship once held.
Marriage has become a battlefield where two persons are fighting for supremacy. Of course, the man has his own way: rough and more primitive. The woman has her own way: feminine, softer, a little more civilized, more subdued. But the situation is the same. Now psychologists are talking about marriage as an intimate enmity. And that’s what it has proved to be. Two enemies are living together pretending to be in love, expecting the other to give love; and the same is being expected by the other. Nobody is ready to give – nobody has it. How can you give love if you don’t have it? - Osho
No courage to face reality
Not seeing the obvious, they end up sleeping in different beds,
having different schedules, they stop discussing their inner lives and simply
they no longer look to each other for much of anything anymore.
For
me, the sex is the main cornerstone of a measure how good the relationship is. Very soon after marriage couples stop having sex multiple times a day, that is
unimaginable to them. After 10 or more years in marriage they're both
physically and mentally stressed for sex and it goes on days, months or even
years without it.
It is known truth that sexual attraction is
significantly diminished, the day you sign on that marriage certificate, just
like depreciation of the car's value in the moment of buying it.
Married
people try to replace sex with intimacy, this how they call it. However it is
called, it has no real value. The intimacy in a marriage starts with two
couples living together as if they were roommates and ends up in divorce
filled with anger and resentment.
Why has marriage failed? In the first place, we raised it to unnatural standards. We tried to make it something permanent, something sacred, without knowing even the abc of sacredness, without knowing anything about the eternal. Our intentions were good but our understanding was very small, almost negligible. So instead of marriage becoming something of a heaven, it has become a hell. Instead of becoming sacred, it has fallen even below profanity. - Osho
Oh well!
My particular situation is a bit different. We are old enough to know all the pitfalls of married life, we have already been there done that.
I don't know why are we fighting so much? After such moments I wonder what I am really doing. Am I making mistake?
On the end of this post, I would like to give a statement regarding my strong opinionated words above. I want to clearly state my position...
Disclaimer
A personal blog that covers a variety of topics, including spirituality, personal development, philosophy, and psychology.