
If something ties the relationship it is sex and nothing else. You may disagree with me and say that there are other factors that tie two complete strangers (like kids) but that is just your wishful thinking.
A big, fat wedding that’s shown in the movies, seems like everything is so glittery, hopeful and happy. But, real life begins after that. When the celebration dies down, the guests have gone, the gifts have been unwrapped, that’s when it would hit you that you’re truly married to your significant other. The wedding is over, the marriage begins.
Not the key to happiness!
The marriage, as an institution of family life doesn’t work.
Married
people are trying a lot of things, but still they can’t understand how to make
their marriage work. Things are going from bad to worse, so by the 40 they are
facing real possibility of divorce. So, they go on Google search looking for
marriage advice. This is good because they are seeing the problem, and
admitting that there is a problem is halfway solving it. Now, I want to give
them a very straight advice for their troubled marriage.
Get
divorce as soon as possible, you will save time, energy and money.
But,
lets go from the beginning...
You meet someone, get in love, you
start living with a partner. Two or three years pass and your family is
demanding a wedding and lots of babies... so you do it.
According
to wedding toasts, romantic movies, love songs, and various religious texts,
the marriage is meant to last forever. Can you imagine? Nothing less but
forever. And that is a long, long time. The expectation is high but actually
living out that promise is quite another thing.
Pretension of a meaningful life
Even the happiest, healthiest marriages have a great amount of
bullshit. On the surface all is polished and looking nice but the deep inside
reality is that one of the spouse is already boiling an invisible, toxic hate
that leads to the ugly but unavoidable loss of passion.
Women in
marriage, behind their kitchen sink, feel perpetually bored and frustrated.
The lack of compassion and kindness from a husband is so obvious.
On
other hand, the husband's anger tends to be centered not in frustration over
tasks and responsibilities, but in a longing for love, fun, meaning, and a
desire for a deeper connection with wife.
Married men feel
emotionally neglected by their partners, they are left craving the interest,
attention, and affection they see their wives lavishing on their children.
They miss the easy, fun passion their relationship once held.
Marriage has become a battlefield where two persons are fighting for supremacy. Of course, the man has his own way: rough and more primitive. The woman has her own way: feminine, softer, a little more civilized, more subdued. But the situation is the same. Now psychologists are talking about marriage as an intimate enmity. And that’s what it has proved to be. Two enemies are living together pretending to be in love, expecting the other to give love; and the same is being expected by the other. Nobody is ready to give – nobody has it. How can you give love if you don’t have it? - Osho
No courage to face reality
Not seeing the obvious, they end up sleeping in different beds,
having different schedules, they stop discussing their inner lives and simply
they no longer look to each other for much of anything anymore.
For
me, the sex is the main cornerstone of a good relationship. Very soon after
their marriage they have stopped having sex multiple times a day, that is
unimaginable to them. After 10 or more years in marriage they're both
physically and mentally stressed for sex and it goes on days, months or even
years without it.
It is known truth that sexual attraction is
significantly diminished, the day you sign on that marriage certificate, just
like depreciation of the car's value in the moment of buying it.
Married
people try to replace sex with intimacy, this how they call it. However it is
called, it has no real value. The intimacy in a marriage starts with two
couples living together as if they were roommates and ends up in divorce
filled with anger and resentment.
Why has marriage failed? In the first place, we raised it to unnatural standards. We tried to make it something permanent, something sacred, without knowing even the abc of sacredness, without knowing anything about the eternal. Our intentions were good but our understanding was very small, almost negligible. So instead of marriage becoming something of a heaven, it has become a hell. Instead of becoming sacred, it has fallen even below profanity. - Osho
Oh well!
Disclaimer
At the end of the day, there are no excuses, no explanations and no regrets. Those are for the uninteresting people, for those afraid to laugh or cry, for those afraid to live and die.
Marriage is a formality, a legal bondage. Love is of the heart, marriage is of the society. That’s why I don't like marriage.