Oh My God... the Married Life

Nothing lasts and nothing remains. Every relationship is just a passing show. Two people who were complete strangers, got together by the circumstances... and all complication started.

If something ties the relationship it is sex and nothing else. You may disagree with me and say that there are other factors that tie two complete strangers (like kids) but that is just your wishful thinking.

A big, fat wedding that’s shown in the movies, seems like everything is so glittery, hopeful and happy. But, real life begins after that. When the celebration dies down, the guests have gone, the gifts have been unwrapped, that’s when it would hit you that you’re truly married to your significant other. The wedding is over, the marriage begins. 

Not the key to happiness!

The marriage, as an institution of family life doesn’t work.

Married people are trying a lot of things, but still they can’t understand how to make their marriage work. Things are going from bad to worse, so by the 40 they are facing real possibility of divorce. So, they go on Google search looking for marriage advice. This is good because they are seeing the problem, and admitting that there is a problem is halfway solving it. Now, I want to give them a very straight advice for their troubled marriage.

Get divorce as soon as possible, you will save time, energy and money.

But, lets go from the beginning...

You meet someone, get in love, you start living with a partner. Two or three years pass and your family is demanding a wedding and lots of babies... so you do it.

According to wedding toasts, romantic movies, love songs, and various religious texts, the marriage is meant to last forever. Can you imagine? Nothing less but forever. And that is a long, long time. The expectation is high but actually living out that promise is quite another thing.

Pretension of a meaningful life

Even the happiest, healthiest marriages have a great amount of bullshit. On the surface all is polished and looking nice but the deep inside reality is that one of the spouse is already boiling an invisible, toxic hate that leads to the ugly but unavoidable loss of passion.

Women in marriage, behind their kitchen sink, feel perpetually bored and frustrated. The lack of compassion and kindness from a husband is so obvious.

On other hand, the husband's anger tends to be centered not in frustration over tasks and responsibilities, but in a longing for love, fun, meaning, and a desire for a deeper connection with wife.

Married men feel emotionally neglected by their partners, they are left craving the interest, attention, and affection they see their wives lavishing on their children. They miss the easy, fun passion their relationship once held.

Marriage has become a battlefield where two persons are fighting for supremacy. Of course, the man has his own way: rough and more primitive. The woman has her own way: feminine, softer, a little more civilized, more subdued. But the situation is the same. Now psychologists are talking about marriage as an intimate enmity. And that’s what it has proved to be. Two enemies are living together pretending to be in love, expecting the other to give love; and the same is being expected by the other. Nobody is ready to give – nobody has it. How can you give love if you don’t have it? - Osho

 

No courage to face reality

Not seeing the obvious, they end up sleeping in different beds, having different schedules, they stop discussing their inner lives and simply they no longer look to each other for much of anything anymore.

For me, the sex is the main cornerstone of a good relationship. Very soon after their marriage they have stopped having sex multiple times a day, that is unimaginable to them. After 10 or more years in marriage they're both physically and mentally stressed for sex and it goes on days, months or even years without it.

It is known truth that sexual attraction is significantly diminished, the day you sign on that marriage certificate, just like depreciation of the car's value in the moment of buying it.

Married people try to replace sex with intimacy, this how they call it. However it is called, it has no real value. The intimacy in a marriage starts with two couples living together as if they were roommates and ends up in divorce filled with anger and resentment.

Why has marriage failed? In the first place, we raised it to unnatural standards. We tried to make it something permanent, something sacred, without knowing even the abc of sacredness, without knowing anything about the eternal. Our intentions were good but our understanding was very small, almost negligible. So instead of marriage becoming something of a heaven, it has become a hell. Instead of becoming sacred, it has fallen even below profanity. - Osho

Oh well!

Disclaimer

Love is enough. I am not against marriage – I am for love. If love becomes marriage, good, but don’t hope that marriage can bring love. That is not possible. Love can become a marriage but marriage can never become love. 

People are afraid of love, they don't know what love is, because they are unconscious... They only think they love. When they don't love they hate because their love is full of jealousy, possessiveness, calculation, anger. 

For the centuries they have depended on marriage. They thought it is better to get married so that the law, the institution, can protect their love from from destruction.

The society, community, court, force us to live in the institution of marriage where we are just slaves. If marriage is an institution, we are going to be slaves in it. Only slaves want to live in institutions.

I want to be wicked, brave, drunk, reckless. I want to be anything I like. I want to live fully and passionately.

At the end of the day, there are no excuses, no explanations and no regrets. Those are for the uninteresting people, for those afraid to laugh or cry, for those afraid to live and die.

Marriage is a formality, a legal bondage. Love is of the heart, marriage is of the society. That’s why I don't like marriage.