I Say That's Bullshit

According to statistics, there are approximately 1.3 billion bulls on this lovely planet. And you see, the bulls eat grass, and that grass gets digested in their stomachs. And then all that is pushed out the other end... and this is called “bullshit”. But I don't talk about that...

Good afternoon my dear online friends,

the faithful readers of my blog.

I'm waiting for the Home Depot to call me when they will come to do renovation in my apartment. I'm waiting... and waiting. What is life but endless waiting.

I had a difficult week, worked my ass off. The testing of my code started on Monday, 4 testers worked hard, trying to breakup the application. I had some defects and I resolved them quickly but that got all my time.  

I'm about to start the second yoga practice in June. You know what... my irregular yoga practice is just an excuse of my stupid mind and this lazy body. Of course I had time but I was bullshiting around. I've concluded I'm not living a yoga lifestyle I would love to.

I smoke a lot, a pack a day, a large pack, the 25 cigarettes a day, sometimes more. Almost everyone I know asked me about it... Oh you do yoga how about smoking? Fuck off, so what? I do whatever I want to.

I drink. I don't drink at home, I'm not a lonely drinker like some of my friends. But whenever I go out I have at lest 3 beers and more. And couple shots of tequila. What yoga lifestyle?

So here I'm. Fully aware of my shortcomings.191 cm tall, 91 kg weight (read overweight)... a small head, a large stomach with a belly fat, tiny long arms, and chicken legs. I look like a potato with 4 toothpicks! What a fuck, I can say this, you can't. 

True, I have a large shoulders, piercing, shiny eyes, nice hair, delicate hands. 

When I hide my shortcomings I can pass for a decent guy, looking at myself from a side I am ok for my age.

I do have something that people like. I like living in the moment and go further and further, it does not matter where. All is meaningless, so what? It is my joy living knowing that all is nothing. 

I like this song, it invokes a feeling of sadness and melancholy... the song is about a pain of long distance relationship 😉.. it touches me deeply.

I'm always hearing this bullshit about living life to the fullest. What the fuck does that mean? Who does actually want to live their entire life to absolute fullest? You'd die of exhaustion! 

Who determines there's something less full or more full. What is wrong about just chilling out and doing nothing... if that's what I want to do?

More thinking about it, I get so mad, the fullness of what? 

Where is holding down a job so you can eat food and sleep in a cozy place? Where is saving money for retirement? Where is losing more than half of your a salary to tax and rent expenses? Where is the horrible bureaucratic paperwork and long line ups at the banks and airports and other shit that wears down our spirit?

Awakening begins when a man realizes that he is going nowhere and does not know where to go.

If he carries out all these rules while he observes himself, a man will record a whole series of very important aspects of his being.

To begin with, he will record with unmistakable clearness the fact that his actions, thoughts, feelings, and words are the result of external influences and that nothing comes from himself.

He will understand and see that he is in fact an automaton acting under the influences of external stimuli. He will feel his complete mechanicalness.

Everything “happens,” he cannot “do” anything. He is a machine controlled by accidental shocks from outside. Each shock calls to the surface one of his “I’s.” A new shock and that ‘I’ disappears and a different one takes its place. Another small change in the environment and again there is a new ‘I.’

 ~ P. D. Ouspensky

The Elvis is leaving the house... that's the fact. By the 50ies you have lost most of your energy chiefly on unnecessary, unpleasant emotions, on the expectation of bad things, possible and impossible, on bad moods, on unnecessary haste, nervousness, irritability, imagination, day-dreaming, and so on. 

What is left is a tension of the muscles to the point of physical pain. 

Your perpetual chatter absorbs all your energy so you're left lifeless. Your "interests” continually are taking you in things happening around you, you are running from yourself, all the time, like a chicken with no head, asking and begging other people which are just like you. 

In fact, you're having no interest whatever, you just waste your attention. You are wasting the major thing in this life on bullshit.

...and then I remember my twin sister... and I cry.