Is it better to be single or in a relationship?

Right now I'm thinking and asking myself... What is better? Being in relationship or just being a single? You're quite aware of the fundamental difference between being single and being in a relationship.

You are single when you do not commit to anyone. While, a relationship encompasses being with somebody and being committed to them. I'm not a modern guy who believes in an open relationship, that is a bullshit, maybe a friendship, I don't know how to call it, but that is not for me.

I have written here a lot of posts about (mostly against) marriage. You can read it, I'm not hiding it:

I have realized in the last 6 months that I want to change my life. The life I lived so far is not fulfilling  anymore, too much drinking, to much empty parties with, days passing without values. I became lost in daily routine of laziness and my days were filled with depression.

So slowly I have changed my mind regarding marriage and I have decided to go for it... Anyway, today I remind myself of pros and cons of such decision.

Is it better to be a single?

A romantic love is not a great place to be. You're almost blind, you love a woman with all your hearth but in the same time comes uneasy feeling: she may leave you, she has already left somebody and come to be with you. That's already happened; there is a precedence happened already, perhaps she will do the same to you.

That uneasy feeling tells you that you are attached to that person. It is that feeling that should be avoided at all costs. 

It's a simple fact: I have come alone in this world; I have been here without her, perfectly well, without any uneasy feelings. And tomorrow if she goes away... what is the need of this fear? I know how to be without her and I will be able to be without her. 

Being in a relationship is great. However, I cannot deny that there are days when I just don't feel to tell her everything about my life, what I am doing, where I am, I simply feel tired spending my energy on explanations... I understand what she wanted to say but I think there is no need to say those things at all.

She should not be the most important thing in my life, no one is. The most important for me is gaining self-realization, finishing my birth-death cycle, once for all. I can be alone, without feeling lonely. 

if I am single, it is true, I am more closely related to myself, enjoying passion and true purpose of why I am born. I feel like I'm at the right place at the right time. This is one of big thing of being single.

Also, to be single means no drama, no explanations, no excuses. I love freedom and in the past I didn’t have any intentions of settling in a marriage, but I'm in doubt now.  

What about relationship? 

I cannot go on and do whatever I want, whenever I want, without considering how it affects her. I have written here so many posts about our relationship that I deleted after because they were not appropriate.

Loving her is not my mind job, a product of thinking. The love is here, it happened, while my mind will be always doubtful my heart is clear. My mind is against everything. 

I want to say is that for me being in a marriage means being responsible. I was fortunate enough to find a perfect companion with who I can live for the rest of my life.

Single versus relationship is not a real choice I am going to make... it already happened, it is something I wanted all my life. Maybe I am growing up and maturing as a person, it does not matter.

My long distance relationship has to finish and being married is a great thing for both of us. Last year we were together 66 days. I'm longing to be with her at all times, to share with her good and bad, to hold her hands and kiss her whenever I want.

It’s easy to lose identity when you start living with someone and this is certainly what I'm not looking for. I'm looking for her exactly as she is... crazy like me.

Single vs relationship is a big, big dilemma for the mind and an easy thing for the hearth.