Is it better to be single or in a relationship?

Right now I'm thinking and asking myself... What is better? Being in relationship or just being a single? You're quite aware of the fundamental difference between being single and being in a relationship.

You are single when you do not commit to anyone. While, a relationship encompasses being with somebody and being committed to them. I'm not a modern guy who believes in an open relationship, that is a bullshit, maybe a friendship, I don't know how to call it, but that is not for me.

Is it better to be a single? 

A romantic love is not a great place to be. You love a woman with all your hearth but in the same time comes uneasy feeling: she may leave you, she has already left somebody and come to be with you. That's already happened; there is a precedence happened already, perhaps she will do the same to you.

That uneasy feeling tells us that we are too much attached to that person. It is that feeling that made me text all those messages this morning about what she has meant to say and what did I actually read. 

It's a simple fact: I have come alone in this world; I have been here without her, perfectly well, without any uneasy feelings. And tomorrow if she goes away... what is the need of this fear? I know how to be without her and I will be able to be without her. 

Being in a relationship is great. However, I cannot deny that there are days when I just don't feel to tell her everything about my life, what I am doing, where I am, I simply feel tired spending my energy on explanations... I understand what she wanted to say but I think there is no need to say those things at all.

I openly say she is not the most important in my life, no one is. The most important for me is gaining self-realization, finishing my birth-death cycle, once for all. I can be alone, without feeling lonely. if I am single, it is true, I am more closely related to myself, enjoying passion and true purpose of why I am born. I feel like I'm at the right place at the right time. This is one of big thing of being single.

Also, to be single means no drama, no explanations, no excuses. I love freedom and in the past I didn’t have any intentions of settling in a marriage, but I'm in doubt.  

What about relationship? 

I cannot go on and do whatever I want, whenever I want, without considering how it affects her. I have written here so many posts that I deleted after because they were not appropriate.

Loving her is not my mind job, a product of thinking. The love is here, it happened, while my mind will be always against it. My mind is against everything. What I want to say is that being in a relationship means being responsible. 

Single versus relationship is not a real choice I am going to make... it happens either way, and it is something that I want at present moment in this period of growing up and maturing as a person. I'm in a long distance relationship, last year we were together 66 days, we rarely spend our time together, so I might wonder how really deep we know each other.

It’s easy to lose identity when you start living with someone and this is certainly what I'm not looking for. So single vs relationship is a big, big dilemma for the mind and an easy thing for the hearth.