Because I choose to

I'm tired, you can see my eye's underlings. Since January 1st I'm going full speed - 45 minutes yoga practice in the morning, work all day and then an hour long walk on Bloor street and the last, gym in the evening, all that while eating soups and salads, I did not lose any weight so far I guess I gained a bit of muscles. 

Last night I went to bed around 9 and read my notes for about half an hour. I slept like baby and again today for lunch time I slept for almost 2 hours. I'm physically tired but I feel good.

I have this dream of attaining enlightenment. I declare my willingness to continue chasing my dream. I am going to change my attitude towards people, and the world. I will be kind and humble to others... and that's all that matters.

I am not reading spiritual books anymore. I am not doing meditation, I don't eat healthy food. I don't go to church and I don't pray. I don't follow anyone or anything.
The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. ~ Mark Twain
We were born on certain date and until around 2 or 3 years old we started knowing ourselves. If we were lucky enough not to go to kindergarten, very soon, in school we will found out that life is some serious shit.

Repetition, competition, grades, discipline, useless tasks... step by step we became persons with desire to please others around us. Is it for our mother or father or our kids, spouse, friends or boss, it does not matter. We live our life for others. Until we became too old to handle the world and we finally die, again returning to the state of not knowing "ourselves".

We are born in this world and since that moment we are heading towards death, whether we may like it, dislike it, believe it, disbelieve it, we may be atheist, theist, following this religion, that religion, we may claim we are an incarnation, whatever we say or do, we are not spared, the death is awaiting us.

We are conditioned thinking that we are going somewhere that we are improving. We want to become something, rich or famous, or smart and that is causing a feeling of lack so we are always seeking something to destroy that feeling. This makes us to always look forward to the future for something to come.

Every single day we are faced with a million little things that encourage us to take the life seriously. We are so self-centered so many things bother us. I am free to say that our life is nothing but one frustration after another.

We're turning everyday situations into problems, constantly on the lookout for shit to complain about and worrying about a bunch of things that simply do not matter. Our bare needs are a place to sleep, something to wear and to have two meals a day. Everything else is luxury to please our vanity.

Truth and the world are two completely different things, and our world is distorted by our beliefs about what it is and what it should be. The world plays around our excessive pride in our appearance, qualities, abilities and achievements. And I don't blame anyone!

Truth is... everything in this world, including our sense of ourselves, is FAKE.

Our personality is false, our world, aspirations and desires... our country, our job... our interests, striving, hopes  and everything else... are one layer of lies on the top of another.

There is nothing in life to be understood. The life has to be seen for what it is... a lie.
Why, Mr. Anderson? Why, why, why? Why do you do it? Why? Why get up? Why keep fighting? Do you believe you're fighting for something? For more than your survival? Can you tell me what it is? Do you even know?

Is it freedom or truth?! Perhaps peace?! Could it be for love?! Illusions, Mr. Anderson, vagaries of perception! Temporary constructs of a feeble human intellect trying desperately to justify an existence that is without meaning or purpose! And all of them as artificial as the Matrix itself, although only a human mind could invent something as insipid as love! You must be able to see it, Mr. Anderson! You must know it by now! You can't win! It's pointless to keep fighting!

Why, Mr. Anderson?! Why?! WHY DO YOU PERSIST?!

Because I choose to.