Getting old!!!

This morning I read friends messages on our group chat. They were joking between each other and they posted many videos and funny photos but somehow I found all that to be so infantile, immature and simply said - stupid. I asked my friend, who set up the group, to take me out of that chat. My taste has changed, I wonder did I mature?, did I got old?, I cannot tolerate stupidity so blatantly as before.

Ten days more, I will be fully 59 and I'll step into 60.

It’s discouraging thinking of yourself as an old man, and it comes as a shock. Being 59 is being old and being old it doesn’t feel like a privilege, even if it’s preferable to the alternative of being 70. What have I learned about what it’s really like to get old? Not a lot, but here it is. I thought to write it down before I forget it. 😉

Standing in subway the other day, I became transfixed by the three middle aged women in front of me. All in their early 50s, they were laughing and chatting, clearly looking forward to nice time out.

They sounded - and looked - happy and carefree. But what mesmerized me most about this trio was not their conversation, but their appearance: all three women were so fat. They were not chubby, but fat. And what struck me even more about these individuals was how obviously unconcerned they were about it.

Unfortunately, we have regarded as normal a dangerous and misguided message of body acceptance; they're fat because they eat too much and they don't exercise.

In this society it has become OKAY to shame people for being skinny, but to come out and say "You're fat. That is not healthy, you don't look good" is a kind of insult if not a disaster.

It's time we stop hiding this issue, stop kidding ourselves that fat is good, because it is not. Not because celebrities and models are skinny but because fat is unattractive and unhealthy.

I am starting from myself

I'm tired of hearing that I have a belly fat - the stomach. I don't like when after couple of beers my stomach gets so large, I cannot pull it inside and then someone reminds me: "You'll look really good just take care of your belly fat".

I usually change the subject reminding them that I am 59 and I 'm okay with how I look... WTF!!! I mean, I see it, I feel it in yoga practice especially in finishing poses. Pindasana pose is the worst for belly fat and the stomach is pressing me hard, I cannot breath properly.

The real difference between being young and old is not only physical (getting fatter and fatter), nor even mental (more and more chatting with yourself) it is the heaviness of all the years piled up behind you. Some call it experience, and having this considerable past doesn’t necessarily give you any more wisdom.

It just gives you a heavy feeling of time so that things that happened last week and things that happened in the 1990 sit side by side in your memory. This is a big problem because it forcing you to talk all the time the same stories.

At some point during your 50ies you start noticing that whenever you stand up or sit down you make a noise: a groan of exertion of heaviness. When rising from a chair there’s significant effort and the opposite, on the way down there’s usually a relief.

You can train yourself not to make these noises, but the noises will win in the end.

In last two months I eat very little with 8 to 14 hours between meals and guess what... I lost 4 kg. This morning my weight was 90.2 kg and last night after yoga practice 89.5 kg.

I am 191 cm tall, 6'3". My ideal weight is 88kg and now I am so close to that. Now, I want to get rid of this 2 kg of stomach fat. I want to have my ideal weight.

Young people think that it is impossible to be happy and old. And while it’s true there are a lot of things to complain about being old, there is a also a significant calibration of mood.

The steady erosion of ambition has done it. A loss of drive as a growing realization that you aren’t going to change neither yourself nor the world, that you’re just going to die and be forgotten, like everyone else.

The knowledge that your existence doesn’t really matter is sad, but also a relief.

My goal is to look better, maybe as this guy bellow. I know very well that is not possible but only if I go a bit closer to that I will be satisfied. And I do know, a goal without a hard work is just a wish!!!

In 60s you will develop a growing resistance to any change with ever increase of aloofness. I realized that getting old goes towards being more and more disapproving, rude, dismissive, mistrustful and slow to grasp subtleties of life. Shit.

Oh that's it... 😓