My girlfriend told me today that she has read What happens after death? post and she sincerely doesn't understand it. Concepts like "I am" sense, the sense of presence, consciousness, self, personality etc... are not clear to her. She told me that most of my readers are in the same situation like her and that I'm wasting my time writing these things.
She may be quite right.
It took me 20 years to understand the core of existence and it's very hard, almost impossible, to transfer that knowledge to anyone but I'll try.
The main problem lies in word "understanding".
The spiritual truth cannot be grasped by intellectual understanding, by learning. Everyone is accustomed to get books, study the subject, and then you understand how to solve a problem like in mathematics, physics, chemistry, engineering etc... or by simply parrot-like learning like in law or medicine.
In the hierarchy of Being, the intellect and intellectual understanding come way after "I am" sense, so the "I am" sense cannot be understood. It is wrong to think about it. "I am" sense is not a concept... it is a sense, most closely related to the presence. You cannot understand it, you can only be that. And you are that at any moment just you are not aware of it.
The practice is to be aware of your sense of being.
"I am" sense is your being. "Being" means your entire manifest self - your presence, physical body, thoughts, energy, world, sensations, feelings, emotions... your personality, your ego. The beginning of all that is a simple touch of "I am", "I exist" feeling which is called "I am" sense.
Don't try to understand this by thinking about it, just be. Stay calm, undisturbed by thoughts, fully aware of the presence.
When thoughts calm down a small tiny sound is heard, like a buzzing in your ears. That is called the buzzing or drumming of consciousness (or OM sound), of energy circulating around your physical body.
If you have difficulties understanding how to be "fully aware of the presence" well, try to put your attention behind words. Make your mind ready to think but without thoughts. Thoughts may come or not but you just be aware, without grasping the meaning of thoughts, not dwelling in them. That is meant by saying "being aware of the presence" or simply "being".
Practice "being", just be aware of self, every time you remember during a day and intentionally 15 minutes before you go to sleep. Sit comfortably and be aware of your existence. Music can play, TV can be on, people's conversations maybe heard, in the middle of street noise... nothing should disturb you being aware of the presence; those distractions are the presence itself and your being includes everything. Just be aware of all that.
After some time you will get accustom to your new state more and more... until the moment is dawn on you that you are not "I am" sense, that you are one who has this sense. You will fully and definitely see that "I am" sense is imagination.
Further practice in spirituality is to stabilize in this conviction. Self-realization is conviction of who you are. It is final and definite realization that you are not presence, you are not emotions, feelings, mind, thoughts, personality, ego, world... You are behind all that, you are Self which is not manifested.
When you die you will return back to unmanifested self, so why don't be that now, free of fears, blissful, while living.
I call it "unmanifested" self but actually That has no name, it is beyond everything, not this - not that, is is unlimited, uncreated, no time exists there and YOU ARE THAT.
On WHAT YOU ARE the touch of "I am" sense, brought by your food and physical body, appeared. The sense of presence has bought "Space", mind has brought "Time" and your being manifested into world and your body in it...
Universe has no Big Bang it is actually recreated every single moment. It is your space to play, you are creator and enjoyer of your creation.
On "I am" sense, you have built personality, with your likes and hates, your ideas, culture and behavior. All that is simply imagination. Go to the only true thing in this world... Just be, be aware of presence, be aware of your existence. There is nothing to be understood. This practice is called meditation.
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