Wednesday, December 13, 2017

30 Things I Never Got To Tell You


I have learned that life has no explanations to give. It is an empty, meaningless flow of events that just go on and on. Whatever happens, has little or no importance. People are born, they live their pity lives... they eat, shit, fuck, work and work and work more until they die. New people are born and the circle is closed.

1. I don’t have a strong opinion about anything. I never have the opinion that I am hungry, I just know I'm hungry. Opinions and beliefs are just imagination, the bullshit.

2. I don’t stick to my point of view. I know that I don't have all information about the things or events, I don't understand all the circumstances.

3. I don't follow others. I have never had a favorite actor, player, singer etc. that I tried to imitate or be like him. I always do things in my own way.

4. I don’t indulge in senseless, waste of time, discussions. It is all just gossip. Gossiping takes energy, instead, I remove myself from boring discussions and I don’t engage in such conversation at all.

5. I don’t crave for attention. But I don't hide either.

The first and most important thing I've learned so far is that as we grow older, as time is passing by, we are becoming more and more cowards. With age, we lack the courage to do or endure dangerous or unpleasant things. Some of us appear as cynics but actually, we are just timid, easily intimidated persons.

6. I don’t do things that will make people point finger at me. 

7. I don’t worry about my life.

8. I don’t have a short temperament. I am stable and calm. I avoid quarrels at all costs.

9. I don’t allow my mind to wonder here and there always. I have strong inner-balance.

10. I don’t stay in one place all the time. I do keep moving and I change schedules frequently.

The house that we own, the money in retirement fund etc. do not really protects us. It fools us. There is no security or any rest in this world, the picture of old people on the beach is not realistic. It does not show, the pills for high blood pressure, diapers, the lack of sleep, rheumatism etc...

11. I don’t get close to others.

12. I don’t sit among people all the time. I have the privacy of my own.

13. I don’t lose my independence. I don’t depend on others in any way.

14. I don’t lose my indifference.

15. I don’t care what others think.

With the age, you start remembering the most embarrassing crap you did in your life with perfect clarity. The kind things you did will be pushed away, you will forget them. The bad things come out from the dirt of subconsciousness. Instead, to correct yourself, you start correcting other people in your life, your kids, spouse, neighbors, co-workers. With age, we have a fleeting sense of superiority over younger people so they’ll start to resent us.

16. I don’t get involved in online (or otherwise) support groups. I don't walk for cancer or aids, I don't have the urge to save the planet.

17. I don’t trust and don’t expect any respect from others.

18. I don’t participate in the acts of collective devotion, religion or political gatherings. I have never voted in any elections and I don't follow politics at all. I have never been to church mass.

19. I don’t have mind involved in fear, wishful thinking, and imagination. I don't watch TV, read or listen to the news. Those are things that fill you with negative propaganda and impressions.

20. I don’t ask others for help. I do my work on my own without complaining. I never blame anyone for anything.

There’s no meaning to life, no reward for achieving all the things we've achieved. That kind of thinking is a recipe for old worldview and is a very lonely road. All things were better back then. When you were young, the life was cheaper, happier and people were nicer. Fuck that!

21. I don’t act as the highly dynamic person but I don’t sit idle. I never rush but I always come on time. "Time is money" does not work for me. Actually, all that I have is TIME.

22. I don’t talk a lot but I don’t keep quiet.

23. I don’t eat in excess but I never observe a fast.

24. I don’t sleep a lot, I do have an adequate sleep.

25. I don’t like to be among people always but I don’t get isolated. I avoid masses.

If you think your love partner likes you, you’re probably right. If you think your spouse cheating, you’re probably right. Your gut will never betray you although you may not know all details. Your intuition is all you have in this world. It never lies to you, for the simple reason - because it does not know how! I have learned that in life you must trust intuition...

26. I don’t like to be under the dominance of a leader or boss or master. I do pretend that I'm a good follower.

27. I don’t have the indulgence of love toward anyone. I love whoever I want to love and I will do everything for people I love.

28. I don’t go after sex all the time but I like and I don’t disregard sex.

29. I don’t seek all types of experiences but I do have an appropriate conscious life.

30. I don’t tell others what I really do, the exact feelings and my true state. But I don’t just keep silent. I tell a lot, here, at my blog.

We are on our life journey, and we are at different points on this journey. Many of you are on completely different routes than I am. I have learned that there is no such thing as truth. Everything that we know is false, there are only lies.

Tuesday, December 12, 2017

Effective Immediately - Living on Cash!!!


For the last couple of days, I am thinking how to change my spending habits. I'm in the largest debt since I got divorced, I owe on credit cards $12K and it is time to cut this crap.

Today, I took Visa and Master Card out of my wallet, I decided not to use them anymore. I'm going to live my life using cash to pay for my purchases. There are certain bills that are automatically paid by my Visa card and that's okay, I will keep that.

I set the strict budget of $50 per day for all my needs including food, clothes, travel, going out, etc... I’m going on a $700 budget every two weeks and all of my spendings will now be in cash.

This morning I looked at my Visa account statements. I looked out for my spending habits in various categories: food, entertainment, personal and household items etc. Let me tell you, and this is a major eye-opener for me, I am shocked by the frequency at which I spent for food and dining out. This is a major problem area that is sucking up a majority of my money, and I simply had no idea.

So this morning I went to the bank and got $450 for the remainder of this pay period. My paycheck comes every two weeks and next one is on December 21st. Until then I have $50 per day and I'm not allowed to use credit cards.

By far the toughest part of moving to the cash-only system is saying “no” to things and people. I'm nothing without my friends, but having friends ain't cheap. Nights out cost a lot and this needs to stop.  Socializing is not the priority for me, so I'll not set any special money aside for this, paying out my debt is the top priority.

Having a girlfriend is the expensive affair too, especially if the girlfriend is not willing to share the costs of dining out. Oh well, all my girlfriends had been more or less the same in that regard, they had their priorities, their children to take care of.

Since I became divorced, 4 years ago, I think I have spent more than $30K for girlfriends alone, I mean paying them vacations, presents and, and of course, breakfasts, lunches, and dinners, with lots of wine and beer in between. Over the last couple of days, I have been trying to calculate exact amount and I was shocked by the math. This revelation is a major hit to my self-confidence.

Today I am changing all that. What I have spent so far, I've spent and I'm not regretting it but I'm going to honestly speak with my girlfriend and tell her what my goal is. If she does not agree with me and if she does not support me, I will end our relationship. I'm serious. I want to live my life consciously, only dead fish goes with the flow.

In the society that started cutting cash, and Sweden is the first country to implement this, I'm returning to cash-only life. Maybe you're laughing at this but my financial goal is clear-cut the debt and save $10K in 2018. I am just being honest, first with myself, then with my girlfriend and friends and everybody else who is reading this.

Monday, December 11, 2017

To my readers... from Facebook to Google +

spiritual but not religious

If you don't follow my blog but you came here from the Facebook "I Love Ashtanga Yoga" and "Yoga" groups or "Spiritual Consciousness" Google Plus group and you just read one single article, you might wonder what I'm actually writing about. Well, I'm writing about awakening, yoga and daily life. I also write about experiences in relationships and online dating, which I abandon at present time because nothing is happening there, I have a girlfriend.

To be quite honest by writing this blog I'm just having a fun.

I've stopped asking you to like my Facebook page because I realized... if you find me charming it means that you’re in a good mood, nothing else! I see, you simply don't understand what I am writing here and you will be disappointed in my next post so what is the point of liking this blog?

Writing a blog today is not easy. Everything is already written and all ideas are out there. The google search just about anything imaginable will reveal thousands of articles. It can be confusing at a time. You can write an article and prove anything you want.

By reading my blog you may come to the conclusion that my life is great and I have nothing to complain about... and you are quite right. Nevertheless, at this moment, I want to shift the course of my life. I feel an internal desire to turn things around. My vision is completely clear and I'm quite sure where I want to end up, so things are about to change.

I encourage free thinking and making conclusions, even wrong ones, by yourself. You should not look at things from the perspective of being right or wrong, it is important to think on your own. By the time, you will see that you were WRONG about everything. That is the goal of life.

At age 52, soon 53, I've reached a point when I just no longer fit in with the crowd. It is difficult for me to admit, but I must be honest, I'm too old for bullshit. There is no reason I should believe others I have enough experience to make my own conclusions.

Everything in this world is FAKE

Most of you belong to New Age, the "spiritual but not religious" category which has gained enormous rise with the social media. I am for critical thinking and honest observation, spiritual exploration and personal development but those things are not part of New Age - the naive,  misleading, and dangerous way of thinking.

New Age is a multi-billion business that makes people self-satisfied. It is just the business of herding the obedient sheep across a green pasture. People are been mislead to believe that if you pay attention to something that is harmful simply by asking the questions and becoming aware of it... You have been taught to think positively, never pay attention to, or talk about anything that is "negative".

The anger is an evil thing and it is something to overcome or shut out completely, replacing it with feelings of peace, love, and light. As the result, we have current apathy and passivity to the injustices happening in today's world.

New Age spirituality has twisted you and abused your spiritual practices such as yoga into means to take your mind off the fact that you are a slave. Shutting out your attention is a good way to ensure that you will never take action to try to change the things.

"The Corporate Yoga" or practicing yoga in the workplace is an example. While practicing yoga, spiritual development, inner peace and a knowledge of oneself is important, it is equally important to speak out against injustice and fight for your rights, which are being diminished by every single day.

But that's you, I'm thinking for myself and I'm seeing my mistakes. 

What I'm not quite sure if this life is something I am making or it is just randomly and loosely connected events. But honestly, who the fuck cares. I need to save money, smoke less, drink less and exercise more.

Daily yoga practice, 60 minutes long and once a week the full primary class is a must. I want to slim, to be without belly fat, so daily gym exercise and walking are my priorities. I want to increase my energy... The money monitoring should be put in place. I want to be more aware of my money spending habits and I should spend less... etc.

Saturday, December 9, 2017

Ho ho ho, Santa Claus is coming to town...


I believe in Santa Claus, Tooth Fairy, and Easter Bunny. Oh well, maybe Easter Bunny is a bit of a stretch. While Tooth Fairy is a complete mystery the dude from the North Pole with magical elves and reindeers, circles the world in 24 hours bringing present to children, is a real legend. He’s in movies, stories, commercials, and he is the hero of Christmas.

St. Nicholas is a man behind the story of Santa Claus. St. Nicholas was a Bishop who lived in 4th century somewhere in today's Turkey. He was a very rich man, his parents died when he was young and left him a lot of money. He was a very kind man and had a reputation for helping the poor and giving secret gifts to people who needed it.

There was a poor man who had three daughters. He was so poor, he did not have enough money for the wedding of his daughter, so his daughters couldn't get married. Back then a sum of money is paid to the bridegroom by the bride's parents on the wedding day. This still happens in some countries, even today. One night, Nicholas secretly dropped a bag of gold down the chimney and into the house. This meant that the oldest daughter was then able to be married. The bag fell into a stocking that had been hung by the fire to dry! This was repeated later with the second and third daughter. 

St. Nicholas was exiled from his place of birth and later put in prison during the persecution by Emperor Diocletian. No one really knows when he died, but it was on 6th December. His bones are now kept in the Church named after him in the Italian port of Bari.

Since then and until now St. Nicholas still brings the presents to children at Christmas. In early days, in England, he was known as 'Father Christmas', in France, he was known as 'Père Nöel'. In Austria and Germany, he was the 'Christkind'. In the early USA, his name was 'Kris Kringle'. Later, Dutch settlers brought the old stories of St. Nicholas so Kris Kringle and St Nicholas became 'Sinterklaas' or as we now say 'Santa Claus'!


Christmas is celebrated to remember the birth of Jesus Christ, who was the Son of God. The name 'Christmas' comes from the mass of Christ (or Jesus). So we get the name Christ-Mass, shortened to Christmas.

No one knows the real birthday of Jesus! No date is given in the Bible, so why it is celebrated on the 25th December? Also, the birth of Jesus probably didn't happen in the year 1 but slightly earlier, somewhere between 2 BC and 7 BC, note that there isn't a year 0.

The first recorded date of Christmas being celebrated on December 25th was in 336, during the time of the Roman Emperor Constantine, the first Christian Roman Emperor. A few years later, Pope Julius officially declared that the birth of Jesus would be celebrated on the 25th December.

Some people also think that December 25th might have been chosen because of the Winter Solstice when the sun is closest to the earth...

This and other interesting Christmas stories can be found at https://www.whychristmas.com/ .