Monday, January 15, 2018

Geez, women after 40 are really arrogant creatures

It was Valentine Day two years ago... I was thrilled to see a middle-aged, overweight and overworked man and his 40-something, chubby, exhausted wife and mother-of-two run to the opening night of Fifty Shades. This showed me that hope still exists...

I would like to know how many orgasms Fifty Shades of Grey books has inspired, and how much marital boredom was killed... I think, the impact of the books are incalculable, far beyond the bedroom.

It's all relative, of course, but the movies are infinitely better than the poorly written books they're based on, which were the best-sellers because of the naughty bits, rather than the story. In nutshell, a young attractive woman is pursued by a young attractive man. But for all his money, good looks, kinky toys and a helicopter, he's just a scared little boy who can't open up or have a healthy relationship...

I liked it, it is just a fantasy and the fantasy doesn't follow the rules of real life. I recommended the books and movies to housewives, it will turned them on. After watching the movies, men will take sex more seriously... And yet, some people will find themselves offended by these movies.

It's now very common to hear people say, "I'm rather offended by that." As if that gives them certain status, it's actually nothing more then a whine. They will find the raw, dirty talk in bedroom to be offensive. They'll be offended... Well, so fucking what!

Did you know that only 25% of women are able to reach orgasm during sexual intercourse? According to long-term studies, 50% of women have the orgasm once in a month, 20% once in a year, and 5% never have orgasms.

Can you imagine? 3 of 4 women can’t feel complete sexual pleasure because their clitoris and vagina (read mind) have become numb and there is at least 1 of 4 who has never experienced an orgasm – even after decades of having sex.

No wonder that so many women over 40 have lost their desire for sex, have been emotionally abused and are fearful, or think that there is something wrong with them because they don’t feel the pleasure that they hear other women talk about.

The problem of orgasm is just a tip of the iceberg of modern living. The real 50 shades of gray is the gray area between asexual and sexual. More than 50% of the general population do not normally experience sexual attraction. Gray-sexual, demisexual, semi-sexual, asexual and sexual-ish... The beauty of the internet is that there are a lot of sites out there that explain these terms. And yet, I blame the orgasm problem to the fact that you take the life way too seriously.

Women are not the same and there are exceptions, but according to my own observation, nearly 70% of women of age 40 and up suffer from lost of sexual desire. The sex drive usually decline after the birth of the child, somewhere in late 30ties.

"I just became less and less interested in sex," says 42 years old Lisa mother of two. "Eventually, it wasn't on the agenda at all. Not that I wasn't interested in the idea - but it just didn't do anything for me. My answer was to throw myself wholeheartedly into my business and everything else, so I wouldn't think about the problem."

When a woman loses interest in sex, the impact on relationship can be disastrous.

"There is no question that this is causing depression and a whole host of headaches, pains and other apparently unconnected physical problems," says Mike Perring, a GP and sexual psychotherapist. "Good sex is part of general well-being for most people."

To simplify things, most of the women over 40 have stopped liking sex. Back in my dating days I had conversation on with a nice looking 40-something lady...

Why she lost her desire for sex is a mystery. The sexual intercourse, sexual desire and in the end the satisfaction... sexual thoughts, erotic fantasies, and daydreams are disgusting, like animals.

Guy gets her flowers, girl gives him head! As a teenage girl said...  "I'm sorry, but I'm really sick of this stupid stereotype. Don't get me wrong, I love pleasing my man with some BJ, but I don't fucking want flowers."

Women after 40, do want flowers.

Sunday, January 14, 2018

From the desk of Zee Mark

It is Sunday afternoon, the middle of January; a gray, cold day in Toronto, 4:30 PM, I'm doing laundry. The third machine is set and it's working; I changed the bed sheets, the bedroom smells so nice. I'm a happy man, my girlfriend spent weekend with me and we had a great time. Just for the record, we went to sleep at 4:30 AM on Saturday morning and 2:30 AM this morning. I know... we are crazy. She is my best friend, my darling, and my sweetheart... she is my love.

Yoga practice is priority for next week. I would like to do 5 practices. I have no other plans. I may go for beer night on Monday and meet my friends. A long time I haven't see some of them. I'm planning to make a party at my place in two weeks, I will cook beans and call my friends for a dinner. Will see.

I put money spending under control. Since January 1st, I use my app for tracking expenses and it is really helpful. I don't use credit cards anymore. Everything I buy I pay by cash. I've seen that I can live with $200 per week, and I will stay in that range for the next 2-3 months. Last week, I called my mortgage broker and I initiated early renewal for my mortgage and I'll use re-financing to pay out my debt which stays now at 11K.

Don't get me wrong. I am not the one of those people who live the life for saving and stashing money for retirement. I'm not concerned for retirement. I try to live in the moment. However I don't like to owe money, I feel very uncomfortable with debt. So I'm going to re-finance my mortgage, I know it is a bad thing to do but I have no other option to pay off debt. My bonus payment will come at the end of April and that amount is not so large to cover the entire debt. So I will proceed with the mortgage re-financing.

Next week I will continue to study and learn the advanced topics of android programming. I'll do that at home at my spare time. At work things are heating up and I will be very busy next week. I would like to start next android project but at present I have no clue what to make. The Cash app is missing help and I have to add that feature to the app. BTW, there are no new sales of the app, I'm now aware there will not be more than 10 downloads of the app. It doesn't matter, I enjoyed making it.

In the last 20 years every summer I went and visited my parents back home. This year, for the first time, I will not go. I have no plans to visit my father and relatives and spend a large amount of money for the trip. It is okay, I will send to my father and sister half of what would cost me so they will be satisfied and I will be good too. For this year I have plans to go to Barcelona with my girlfriend. Seven day would be nice, sometime in June or July. But that trip should be completely paid off in advance, I have no intention of borrowing money and going into debt because of the trip.

There is nothing else worth noticing in my life. And I don't really want surprises. I'll keep 9 PM bed time, continue reading Reality Vs. Illusion by Ranjit Maharaj, continuing monitoring and saving money and I'll try to do 5 yoga practices by next Saturday. The dryer just clicked and the third machine is done. I'm going to take out my clothes... later, I'm going for a walk to Bloor street I want a coffee at Starbucks. It is -15 C and it feels much colder but that doesn't really matter.

Friday, January 12, 2018

To the users and non users of my android app

Good morning everyone. First, I have to apologize to my reader who downloaded Cash app and had troubles setting up categories and subcategories. I received report from Google that my app has crashed 10 and more times due to invalid category/sub category saving attempts.

Dear user, please do not modify both category and subcategory at the same time. If you want to add subcategory just tap category and enter the name for subcategory and tap Add New. If you want to update existing category (or subcategory) just tap on it (from the nice looking list bellow) and enter new name and tap Update. I think this helps.

I have uploaded a new version of the app who will give error message instead of crashing app when user attempts to add both category and subcategory at the same time. Also, I changed images and included app support email in App Info Menu item so anyone can contact me and I will explain the app.

I find it useful to explain that for report manager view... if you select dates and tap View , the report per categories will be produced. If you select dates and category, and tap View, the report per subcategory will be produced. And finally if you select dates, category and subcategory and tap View the report per date will be produced. Try it, and have a fun.

I urge everyone who reads this post and have Android, Lillipop and higher to download my app. You can contact me at for app support. Thank you.

There is only 3 downloads so far and I was thinking that the fundamental requirement for a good app is that it must be something what people need and want to use. It’s that simple. However, your mind have to be even slightly open to suggestion, let me repeat that Cash is a good app and very useful in today's hectic lifestyle.

You might be saying, “Ok Zee, that’s great. I may or may not have read that somewhere else. I may or may not be buying your app right now, even it is cheap. I don't want to bother about download and giving my credit card online and typing expenses every day. So shut the fuck up".

Yes, you may say this, and you may be right, so I will not write anymore about my app. Do what you want. Really, do whatever the fuck you want.

Be your damn self. Don’t be a terrible person. Be nice to others. Be supportive of your friends... But seriously, do whatever the fuck you want!

Do you want the app or glass of beer? Then just download it or drink a fucking beer. Do you want a peace of chocolate? Don’t be gross about it, and don’t eat a chocolate three meals a day. But I beg you stop beating yourself up about it and just eat.

Do. Whatever. The Fuck. You Want.

The life is your show. It is your universe.

Who else knows about your thoughts and feelings? There is no one else there, you are completely on your own. Everything is available to you. No one else can lead you, pull you, push you or carry you. No one else is necessary for your success.

If you understand that, you will understand that it is the best advice you could possibly receive.

Wednesday, January 10, 2018

My story about yoga and divorce!

Today is 4th year since I got final divorced papers - the Dissolution of Marriage. And I write this post for you, unhappily married man which wife does yoga. Believe me... there is no reason to be afraid, you might even read it to the end. If you can hang on this post long enough, you might come to your senses. I mean, what else can you do, you're heading toward divorce.

Divorce... Does it sound terrifying? Nope, divorce is a really cool thing that lets you be the one you want to be again.

I love being divorced. Every year has been better than the last. By the way, I'm not saying don't get married. If you meet somebody, fall in love and get married. Then get divorced. Because that's the best part. Divorce is forever! It really actually is. Marriage is for how long you can hack it. But divorce just gets stronger like a piece of oak. Nobody ever says 'oh, my divorce is falling apart, it's over, I can't take it. - Louis C.K.

Well, let me tell you my story...

New Year Eve 2012... Punta Cana

We don't have a future together.

It was Sunday, June the 30th 2013, after 22 years of being married, my wife spoke out and informed me, with the bone-chilling realization, that our marriage wasn’t going to work out.

"We don't have a future together" she told me on that day when I asked what bothers her. I knew that our relationship is not the best one. She was nervous and bitter for days so it all ended that Sunday.

When I heard those words I was not so surprised. I asked her is she serious and I told her to check her heart and see does she love me. She said, NO, things have changed. I got up then and moved my bed to yoga room. I moved out from our apartment in two weeks and I started to live the life of divorcee.

There is a strange connection between yoga practice and divorce. At least 70% of women who started practicing yoga, in their late 30’s and into their 40’s, have since gotten divorced.

According to my experience, it really appears that yoga practice (indirectly) is a strong influence for my ex's divorce decision. I do believe yoga was partly to blame for my divorce.

April 2013, the end was coming

Yoga destroyed my marriage. 😏

My ex was a yoga teacher while we were together; she has completed 3 yoga teacher training (200 hours certification each) and countless workshops from Ashtanga celebrity instructors, Hot yoga workshops, Iyengar yoga, Bikram yoga, you name it. She, so to speak, embarked on an introspective journey, sparked by the spiritual practices of yoga.

She read the Alchemist, the Secret and the Power of Now. According to me, those are the three most dangerous pre-divorced books.

She practiced yoga, 4-5 times a week, she became extremely self-driven, goal-oriented and independent. She wasn't needy anymore; she’s determined to get what she wants out of this world. She didn't care about the meaning of life; she had a strong mind and sharp opinions. She's well-educated and deeply contemplative. She embraced her individuality to the fullest... Bottom line is this... she did not need me in her life anymore.

Ironically, when women are deeply into yoga, they may experience a wave of spiritual awakening, and they can become frustrated with all the emotions that awakening brings to the surface. They clearly see that something is wrong, their life is an emptiness and other truths about their relationship.

The yoga helped her to rediscover her real position. She was awakened from the mundane life of everyday obligations and the first step done in that newly acquired freedom is to get rid of me. The first thing she did is to blame me as a husband for everything she was lacking in her life.

My ex, just like many others, started to search within... but she did not discover truth, she discovered false things. Good enough... for divorce.

Well, come on, to be quite honest, I knew it. I have known that one day we'll breakup. We have lived a life more and less like strangers. I have learned whatever it is she needed to teach me (and vice verse) so our time was not necessary anymore and it was over.

Bye, bye Bella, August 2012

This was my life, I thought. But it was not anymore.

Is this sounds familiar to you? This is how things are... Realistically, you'll collapse after divorce.

Maybe you're thinking that I, as an awakened being, was supposed to be a sterling example of composure and serenity, a person of exquisite poise and understated elegance radiating love and compassion. Maybe you're thinking I should transcendent daily life annoyances, that I was the who lives untouched by the petty challenges of daily life.

Far from that. My state of inner harmony was disturbed. The separation rocked the very foundation of my existence, leaving me feeling lonely, flawed, enraged, undesirable, hopeless and empty. My first month after splitting up was all about grief and mourning for hopes and dreams that can never be fulfilled, shock and bewilderment, guilt, regret, and remorse, sympathy and antipathy... in one word - devastation.

I just wanted to forget her and move on into a new life. I was going through a protracted meltdown that has uprooted me from my daily life. In August I went back home and somehow I was feeling better.

Immediately after divorce, you'll start remembering all the most irrelevant details in your married life. You'll start counting the days for how long are you single. And if you're lucky, you'll find yourself with a couple of divorced buddies, start smoking the red Marlboro, drink IPA beer and start wanking regularly.

We are predictable, and prone repeating the same life mistakes, again and again, so we'll start looking for the women who resembles our ex. We'll call that "moving on". Moving on after divorce generally begins with the online dating. And there we'll get more disappointments which are carefully placed in between episodes of grief and other emotional crisis.

Be prepared on time, it will happen, your world will crash into a million tiny pieces. The world that you're so carefully built from scratch, weaving together dreams and reality to form something so wonderful it seemed it would last forever. Nothing lasts forever. And that's a good thing.

The last photo together... Punta Cana, April 2013

It is impossible to stay a friend with ex.

Now, I remember our marriage as essentially a marriage of two strangers, we were together for a long but each of us was utterly alone, pervaded by the deep sense of insecurity, anxiety and guilt.

After the separation, I wanted to be a friend with her but she refused any contact. I have realized that she has planned divorce a long time before she actually expressed her feelings. I do regret the time spent with her, I regret being ever married to her.

Anyway, I don't want to sound pathetic, much less nostalgic. After almost 5 years of separation I find it necessary to see things as they were. No imagination or wishful thinking. It is true, we didn't have a future together.

I discovered that divorce isn't such a tragedy. 

Suddenly, there were no locks keeping me chained in my seat in the marriage boredom. I was enslaved by my own fear and ignorance and suddenly I was free. I just marched myself into this damned idiotic, impossible boring, married life without ever stopping to think about what I was doing. Now that was over.

Divorce is not a tragedy, a tragedy is staying in an unhappy marriage and dreaming something else. In my marriage from outside everything looked fine and polished but the melancholy and apathy was my reality.