Friday, November 16, 2018

Interview with Zee Mark


I have taken the time to interview myself. You may think I sound crazy, but that’s already the fact, so lets move on.

Why this interview? Well, asking myself questions brings me closer to you - my readers. In writing this, there has been no new things, I just repeated what I already said on these pages but, if you first time read my blog, my answers may surprise you...

Why did you put this photo of yourself when you look tired and sleepless?

I don't know. I like the photo, it is me early in the morning. I look cute here. I like to look like a military man. I am straightforward and honest, but there’s something that I just can’t accept, something that makes me want to vomit, it is in the moment when I am called a nice guy.

I feel more freedom not being a nice guy. While most of women do want a nice, kind and loving man, they only want him to a point. Simply, when a man is too nice, too kind or too giving, women sense a bullshit. No one is nice all of the time except for bullshiters.

Don't get me wrong, some women want a bullshiter, the one who is too willing to compromise and never pushes back. You know him very well, the one who bends over backwards for his woman while stepping on his own self-respect. The woman tells him - Oh you look so nice on this photo, you are so nice guy, but that's just makes no sense.

Do you post your photos and generally write this blog in order to attract women in your life?

After divorce, 5 years ago, I thought I had nothing to give the world. What do I have to give? I know nothing about life. I thought life was merely a bunch of responsibilities, work, bills, kids, occasional sex and endless fight for who-will-control-who. I thought the best part of my life was what I experienced in my student years and now I was in for a boring and depressing future.

The truth of my divorce is... my heart was crying out for more life. More love, passion, adventure and definitely more craziness, but I didn't know what that meant or how to fulfill the urge for the freedom. All I knew is that I was married but alone.

My girlfriend was reading my blog before we met and she decided to introduce me. So we met for dinner and we started dating on July 29th 2016, I liked her from the first moment I've seen her. I was tired of bad relationships and she return aliveness into my life...

Are you happy with your girlfriend, you have deleted all posts about her?

I have decided not to write about her anymore. We broke up so many times and I described that on my blog. But every time that happened we saw that we love each other and there is no point to pretend otherwise. My only logical action was to delete the all posts about her. Eventually we will finally break up but until then...

You seems to be an existential nihilist. Are you happy with your life?

I don't like the optimism, you know, hoping that something better will come. Nothing better will come, getting old sucks big way. Whoever told you that with age you will become smarter lied to you. You were young and stupid and then you are not young anymore.

I really don't like optimism, on another hand, I am not a pessimist either. I don't expect bad outcomes, I am not gloomy, joyless and unhopeful. Well, scratch unhopeful. I'm not a pessimist, I'm not an optimist, I am a realist.

The attitude is the thing. I'm a realist, and I'm here to set the record straight. Forget those glasses that can be half empty or half full, the glass could be filled to the brim or emptied to the last drop, it depends how thirsty you are.

In life there is nothing to be happy or unhappy about. Life is not a serious thing. It seems to me that the way most people go on living, they think that the world is supposed to be a logical and consistent place. Well, that is not the case. All misery comes from our idea that the world is true.

We assume that if the world is true then we are also true. This self-importance is the main reason for the feelings of depression, sadness, emptiness, and anxiety. No matter how much we understand about life or don’t, we still have to do the living. I've reached a point when I’m happy with small things. I have no more expectations from life.

It is so plain and so obvious and so simple. The meaning of all of life is just to be alive. There is nothing here to be happy or unhappy about so I stopped worrying. Things take care of themselves, so I intend the best and live my life as it comes...

Ashtanga yoga is a main part of your life?

I am doing Ashtanga yoga for the last 12 years. I am 53 and I still do daily half primary series. For how long I don't know. I am not an advanced practitioner, far from it. I do struggle a lot in my practice. There is no easy way to say this so let me just say it - Ashtanga Yoga is really hard. The half primary version of this practice is still quite challenging. It takes on average 45 minutes to complete.

The longer you practice the more you notice how hard it really is. It is utterly intimidating and defeating endeavor. In any sport by training it you gain strength and you increase the practice just like running or swimming for example... but that doesn't apply for Ashtanga Yoga.

There's no end game in Ashtanga Yoga; no big "accomplished day,” nothing specific you’re training for, nothing to achieve. It’s a constant hard work in progress, you can always go deeper into a pose, extending your ligaments and stretching muscles further to make the pose more challenging.

Practicing daily ashtanga yoga is boring, dull and hard, it does not allow any creativity and wishful thinking. It calls for a complete and total surrender. It is the practice of hopelessness which says that there is no way out... Asana, breath, drishti and vynasas are taking me away from myself... and that is most important.

Do you think your readers understand what are you writing here?

It depends in which category post belongs. All people know what I am talking about in DAILY NEWS, DATING, YOGA etc... but very few understand AWAKENING category. I do post those articles on Spiritual Consciousness Google + group but even there I do not find understanding.

Writing a blog today is not easy. Everything is already written and all ideas are out there. The google search just about anything imaginable will reveal thousands of articles. It can be confusing at a time. So I stick to my own message that I want to convey to my readers and I repeat the same words in different ways...

For example, when I say that people are taking the life too seriously, I mean that they're turning everyday situations into problems, constantly on the lookout for shit to complain about and worry about a bunch of things that simply do not matter. Our bare needs are a place to sleep, something to wear and to have two meals a day. Everything else is luxury to please our vanity.

The perception of the world is distorted by our beliefs about what it is and what it should be. And yes, the world plays around our excessive pride in our appearance, qualities, abilities and achievements. And I don't blame no one! People were lied to their entire life. They must investigate and find out the truth for themselves.

What is Truth?

Truth is... everything in this world, including our sense of ourselves, is FAKE. We are false, our world, aspirations and desires, our family, friends, neighbors, teachers, idols... our country, our job, our interests, striving, hopes and everything else... are just layers of bullshit, the one on the top of another.

We live our life just for one reason - to see through this pile of shit, to see falseness of everything. Instead we make our life serious by setting all kinds of goals - to finish prestigious university, to visit Paris, to see the Eiffel Tower, to complete this asana, to run a marathon, to swim with dolphins, to become rich, to be our own boss, to own a mansion, to drive a Corvette, to find true love - the list, mostly mundane and predictable, is endless.

We are trapped, this is what society wants from us. We live the life where goals, timelines, and deadlines are normal thing. Society tells us that setting and achieving is the only way to lead a fulfilling life, and thus the only way to be truly happy, and they say, we also need to enjoy the process in between - the “journey,” they call it.

We're on the journey following "Work Hard, Dream Big" so we have no time for introspection of our life, no time to think what do we really need and to see our real position.

Is this the main reason for writing this blog?

I'm not here to open eyes to anyone. I am writing because I am straight-forward. There is nothing here to be understood. With my articles, I'm NOT trying to set anyone free.

I'm only telling to my readers that their life is a lie, and they should see it for themselves. If I'm not so convincing, so what? They will continue living their wonderful life just as they did before.

Thursday, November 15, 2018

Ashtanga Yoga and Loneliness


Loneliness is a complex and usually unpleasant emotional response to isolation or lack of companionship. Loneliness typically includes anxious feelings about a lack of connectedness or communality with other beings, both in the present and extending into the future. As such, loneliness can be felt even when surrounded by other people. The causes of loneliness are varied and include social, mental or emotional factors. - Wikipedia

Lonely - web dictionary
1. affected with, characterized by, or causing a depressing feeling of being alone.
2. destitute of sympathetic or friendly companionship.
3. lone; solitary; without company; companionless.
4. remote from places of human habitation.
5. standing apart; isolated.

It all started when my friend told me that he has noticed a fact that lonely people practice ashtanga yoga. Immediately I heard that I dismiss it. I disagreed and I told him there are large ashtanga communities all around the world. There is Mysore and I explained him the circus around it. People practice together and enjoy free time after the practice.

I forgot our conversation and then I read a blog post Apparently, it’s lonely being an Ashtangi According to the post's title being an ashtangi is a lonely thing but when I read the post I remembered my friend's words.

...Perhaps it is just the type of people whom Ashtanga attracts. Slightly lonerish Type As? Of course there is the ultimate “lonely” part of Ashtanga: the home practice. I assume other yogis practice at home, but I don’t feel like there is quite the same  emphasis on such a practice... Even Mysore practice is “lonely.” Sure, you are in a room with a bunch of people, but you are all doing your own thing...

I, as an ashtanga practitioner, do see this “lonely” feeling of ashtanga yoga. The practice definitely calls for lifestyle changes, an inwardness look and life-introspection. The ashtanga eight limbs are so close to self-inquiry.

The loneliest part of ashtanga is being the one of few who early in the morning roll out the mat each day. In such practice there is no teacher telling you what to do and what are you left to focus on. The breath is all that you have and of course your thoughts...

You feel sad and lonely and perhaps romantic at the same time.  That is the first tip of fearlessness, and the first sign of real warrior ship. ~ Chogyam Trungpa

I have discovered my own understanding of ashtanga yoga. It is not about strength so much as it is about keeping attention on breath and strong core... mula bandha. Only daily practice and endless repetition builds the strength very slowly. Unfortunately, there is no shortcuts.

Daily practice of ashtanga yoga have changed me. I need to go early to bed in order to get up for the practice and due to that I have lost the connection with my friends. During the week I'm not going out with them. On the weekend I am with my girlfriend and when she sleep over at my place I am unable to do my practice as planned.

Can daily practice break up my relationship? I think it can. I told my girlfriend that if she is not satisfied with who I am, she is free to find another guy. It sounds cold but it is not so. I am not talking here about feelings. In order for two people to be together they have to share similar interests.

Serious ashtanga yoga practitioners are people who are going through the stages of the awakening. Most of us  are no longer certain what our "outside" purpose is. What drives the world no longer drives us. Seeing the madness of our world so clearly, we may feel somewhat alienated from the culture around us. We stick to our practice and we are no longer run by the ego, yet the enlightenment has not become fully integrated into our lives. So, it is true, we are lonely in this world.

Wednesday, November 14, 2018

I know which road I should take


Alice came to a fork in the road.
"Which road do I take"? she asked.
"Where do you want to go"? responded the Cheshire cat.
"I don't know." Alice answered.
"Then", said the cat. "it doesn't matter".

I have a dream of attaining self-realization. 

It is this dream, this passion that give me a sense of purpose in my life. If I lose sight of if, I will not only lose that purpose but I will also lose myself. So I keep chasing this dream. That is the most important thing of my life and nothing can come even close to it.

I have noticed recently that I have neglected my dream. Somehow, I lost myself in the labyrinth of daily life, in the long hours at work, in my relationship, in drinking, going out, in all kinds of other stupidities like watching The Affairs and reading daily news...

Alice does not know where she is going but I do know. I know which road I should take. I declare my willingness to continue chasing my dream. I am going to change my attitude towards people, and the world. This decision is effective immediately.

I am no longer concerned about "me".

I don't believe that anything and anybody existed prior to myself. I don't believe in history, in evolution in big-bang universe. Prior to my Beingness nothing was but me as Absolute and that is my direction... It leads beyond this feeling of "I", beyond this subtlest feeling that makes my Beingness.

If I review process of creation I can see that at it's very base is that I do not know myself, and suddenly the feeling of "I" appears. The moment it appears, on borderline of deep sleep and being awake, in a split second, "I am" sense appears and I know myself. Then thoughts start racing and "me" as a person starts functioning.

So I am going backwards, I am traveling away from person towards pure "I am" sense which on the end of journey must be seen as imagination. I have to discard whatever I know about That place beyond "I am" sense. Nobody knows anything about That, there is no information about it, all read and heard about That is false, and yet, about That I do have a firm conviction. It is so simple and impossible at the same time.

My life is real but not true.

When I actually can say that my life is not true? When daily life is certified as a lie? Only when I am at my source, when I understand this temporary phase of "I am" sense.

This world is based on various personalities, on individual characters. It is pure play which just happening and I am not playing a part. When I am ignorant, I think I am playing a part in this world by simply imagining a player. But that is just imagination, there are no player, everything is happening spontaneously.

The sum and substance of my life is nothing but to come to a firm decision, make a judgment, about myself (what I am?) and the world (what is it?) If I pay attention to the world I am good as dead. My path is opposite of the world and it's activities. Direction is "I am" and seeing it as imagination. That is the  final goal of my life's journey.

Tuesday, November 13, 2018

Yoga Vasistha - The Art of Self-Realization


The main theme of Yoga Vasistha is that we are undergoing a dream from which we must awake. This dream represents our association and identification with the world. Dream means that whatever is ... is false. Nothing in a dream can be true. Waking up from that dream is the ultimate goal of our living... awakening.

The First chapter, On Dispassion - The Fall of Rama.

Rama said, “... what do people call happiness and can it be had in the ever-changing objects of this world? All beings in this world take birth but to die, and they die to be born! I do not perceive any meaning in all these transient phenomena which are the roots of suffering and sin. Unrelated beings come together; and the mind conjures up a relationship between them. 

Everything in this world is dependent upon the mind, upon one’s mental attitude. On examination, the mind itself appears to be unreal! But we are bewitched by it. We seem to be running after a mirage in the desert to shake our thirst! 

Sir, surely we are not bond slaves sold to a master; yet we live a life of slavery, without any freedom whatsoever. Ignorant of Truth, we have been aimlessly wandering in the dense forest called the world. What is this world? What comes into being, grows and dies? How does this suffering come to an end? ...

Rama continued, “Equally useless, O Sage, is the wealth which deludes the ignorant. Unsteady and fleeting, this wealth gives birth to numerous worries and generates an insatiable craving for more. Wealth is no respecter of persons: both the good and the wicked can become wealthy. However, people are good, compassionate and friendly only till their hearts are hardened by the passionate pursuit of wealth. 

... Wealth and happiness do not dwell together. Rare is a wealthy man who does not have rivals and enemies who scandalize him. ... Indeed, wealth seeks him who has already been chosen by death. Even so is the life-span, O Sage. Its duration is like that of a water droplet on a leaf. The life-span is fruitful only to those who have Self-knowledge. 

... Man vainly seeks to extend his life-span, and thereby he earns more sorrow and extends the period of suffering. Only he lives who strives to gain Self-knowledge, which alone is worth gaining in this world, thereby putting an end to future births; others exist here like donkeys. ...

Rama continued, “Holy sir, I am bewildered and scared when I contemplate the coming into being of the dreadful enemy of wisdom known as egotism. It comes into being in the darkness of ignorance, and flourishes in ignorance. It generates endless sinful tendencies and sinful actions. All suffering surely revolves around egotism; and egotism is the sole cause of mental distress. I feel that egotism is my worst disease! Spreading the net of worldly objects of pleasure, it is this egotism that traps living beings. ...

Rama continued, “It is when the mind-stuff is enveloped by craving that innumerable errors arise in the darkness of ignorance thus caused. This craving dries up the good and noble qualities of the mind and heart, like sweetness and gentleness of disposition, and makes me hard and cruel. 

... Thought I adopt various methods to restrain this craving, the latter overpowers me in a moment and helplessly drives me astray, even as a gale carries a straw away. Whatever hope I entertain of developing dispassion and such other qualities, craving cuts that hope away even as a rat snaps a thread. And I helplessly revolve caught in the wheel of craving. ...

Rama said, “Even childhood, the part of life which people ignorantly regard as enjoyable and happy, is full of sorrow, O Sage. Helplessness, mishaps, carvings, inability to express oneself, utter foolishness, playfulness, instability, weakness – all these characterize childhood. 

The child is easily offended, easily roused to anger, easily bursts into tears. In fact, one may boldly say that the child’s anguish is more terrible than that of a dying person, an aged man, a sick man or of any other adult. For in childhood one’s state is comparable truly to that of an animal living at the mercy of others. ...

Rama continued, “Leaving this period of childhood behind, the human being goes on to the stage of youth, but he is unable to leave the unhappiness behind! There he is subjected to numerous mental modifications and he progresses from misery to greater misery, for he abandons wisdom and embraces the terrible goblin, known as lust, that resides in his heart. His life is full of desire and anxiety. ...

Rama continued, “In his youth, man is a slave of sexual attraction. In the body which is no more than the aggregate of flesh, blood, bone, hair and skin, he perceives beauty and charm. If this ‘beauty’ were permanent, there would be some justification to the imagination; but, alas, it does not last very long. 

On the contrary, very soon the very flesh that contributed to the attractiveness, the charm and the beauty of the beloved is transformed first into the shriveled ugliness of old age, and later consumed by fire, or by worms, or by vultures. Yet, while it lasts this sexual attraction consumes the heart and the wisdom of the man. 

... When the child is dissatisfied with its childhood, youth takes over; when youth is plagued by dissatisfaction and frustration, old age overpowers it – how cruel is life. Even as wind tosses a dew-drop from a leaf, old age destroys the body. Even as a drop of poison when it enters the system soon pervades it, senility soon pervades the entire body and breaks it down, and makes it the laughing stock of other people. 

Though the old man is unable to satisfy his desires physically, the desires themselves flourish and grow. He beings to ask himself, “Who am I? What should I do?” etc., when it is too late for him to change his life’s course, alter his life-style, or make his life more meaningful. With the onset of senility, all the distressing symptoms of a physical break-down, like cough, white hairs, hard breathing, dyspepsia and emaciation, manifest themselves. ...

Rama continued, “All enjoyments in this world are delusion, like the lunatic’s enjoyment of the taste of fruits reflected in a mirror. All the hopes of man in this world are consistently destroyed by Time. Time alone, O Sage, wears everything out in this world; there is nothing in creation which is beyond its reach. 

Time alone creates innumerable universes and in a very short time Time destroys everything. Time allows a glimpse of itself through its partial manifestation as the year, the age, the epoch; but its essential nature is hidden. This Time overpowers everything. Time is merciless, inexorable, cruel, greedy, and insatiable. Time is the greatest magician, full of deceptive tricks. 

This Time cannot be analyzed; for however much it is divided it still survives indestructible. It has an insatiable appetite for everything – it consumes the smallest insects, the biggest mountains, and even the king of heaven (Indra)! ...

Rama continued, “O sage, thus neither in childhood nor in youth nor in old age does one enjoy any happiness. None of the objects in this world is meant to give happiness to anyone. The mind vainly seeks to find such happiness in the objects of this world. Only he is happy who is free from egotism and who is not swayed by craving for sense-pleasure: but such a person is extremely rare in this world. ...

Rama continued, “By reflecting on the pitiable fate of living beings thus fallen into the dreadful pit of sorrow, I am filled with grief. My mind is confused, I shudder, and at every step I am afraid. I have given up everything, but I have not yet established myself in wisdom; hence I am partly caught and partly freed. I am like a tree that has been cut but not severed from its root. ...

Having said so, Rama remained silent.

Saturday, November 10, 2018

7 Yoga Asanas To Improve Your Sex Life


Let's talk about Sex. It certainly evokes emotions. From love, excitement, tenderness, and logging to cuddle and waiting for a partner with the stomach butterflies. It also can evoke anticipation, stress, anxiety, restlessness, lack of sleep and disappointment. Your sexual well-being goes together with your mental, physical, and emotional health.

Let's admit, when you think about yoga, you might be more inclined to associate it with feeling relaxed, calm and so Zen, rather than getting tired and all worked up. It’s true, yoga can be about lowering stress level and relaxing, but let us not forget other benefits too, one of which is that it can improve your sex life.

Sexologist Larissa Jeffrey has looked very closely into yoga practice and overall sexual satisfaction. She surveyed hundreds of persons from age of 25 to 45 and concluded that yoga practitioners have more satisfying sex life than hockey or football players.

Nurturing yoga practice is the healthy expression of sexuality in one’s life. It is an important consideration of a satisfying sex. Today, we have a particular person who is a role sexual model of the 21st century. It is a woman who does yoga, 100% authentic and real. She doesn't compete, but instead, she wants to be the best version of herself. It is the woman who owns her sexuality and is bold about who she is and what she wants, and who aren't afraid to get it. - Larissa Jeffrey

The Yoga experts recommend daily practice of the following 7 asanas which will improve your blood flow and help focus you, allowing you to be fully present in the moment with your partner.

1. Downward Dog (Adho Mukha Shvanasana)



2. Wheel (Urdhva Dhanurasana)



3. Cobler (Badhakonassana)


 4. Sitting Wide-Legged (Upavistha Konasana)

5. Plow (Halasana)



6. Shoulderstand (Sarvangasana)



7. Happy Baby (Ananda Balasana) 


In conclusion, yoga is the first and foremost among the healthy behaviors that can improve your sexual satisfaction. Physical arousal depends greatly on good blood flow, yoga (which strengthens your heart and blood vessels) is crucial. Besides improved sex, these asanas offer a wealth of other health benefits, protecting heart disease, improving your mood, helping you get a better night's sleep...