Wednesday, March 20, 2019

...not me!

There is nothing peculiar in the present event to make it different from the past and future. For a moment the past was actual and the future will become so. What makes the present so different? Obviously, my presence. I am real for I am always now, in the present, and what is with me now shares in my reality. The past is in memory, the future - in imagination.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am going on well deserved vacation. In last week alone I've worked 18 hours overtime, I feel exhausted. Next week I will spend in Mayan Riviera at Barcelo Grand Resort. I have been there 3 times already and I know how nice it is. This time I am going with my girlfriend and I will celebrate my 54th birthday there.

I still feel on the inside very much like a teenager. The fact of the matter is I don't know how to grow up, and it seems like everyone around me already has.

Take, for example, the whole thing about the career. You are running after career, you want to take the opportunity become the boss, manager, senior analyst or whatever you're striving for ... not me. I am a simple computer programmer. The coder.

The part of the success at work is the experience of spending on average one to two hours a day commuting: car, train, bus... not me. I am 20 minutes door to door, from my home to work.

You work in the office from eight until six, watching the clock, wishing the morning away so you could go to lunch, wishing the afternoon away so you could go home... not me. I enjoy my work, I am good at what I do.

And at home, you collapse on a couch watching shitty CNN until you start snoring. Ha, the weekends are actually worse because that's when everything that didn't get done during the week had to be done. You know, the kid's stuff... not me. I have no such obligations, I have no cable, I don't watch TV in the last 6 years.

Your vision of happiness is related to success. Not me... I see happiness on rare moments when I have no feeling of "myself", when my eyes shine bright and when my vision is so clear. It last for awhile and then it is gone. I fall again in daily stupidities.

It does not matter where do you live, all over the world there is this feeling that something is deeply wrong with our world. I am feeling it so clearly; an unnamed busyness keeps me disconnected from the simplicity of life.

The world is run by big corporations; they want economic growth at all costs producing stress, depression and apathy for the rest of us. We work hard just to pay monthly bills.

I have wondered about the people who run the corporations? They are also humans but they are not humans. They are apart from human nature. They posses (or are possessed) by mentality of a predatory spirit who embodies greed; their gluttony and selfishness transformed them into a predatory monsters.

The corporations run this planet by employing tactics of division, celebrating wants and artificial needs for general consumption, creating mass poverty and fear as a system of control. And we fall for it. We buy stuff that we don't need.

According to the statistics... In the last 15 years, the average Canadian home has grown from 1,000 square feet to almost 2,500 square feet. The Canadians consume twice as many food and material goods today as they did 50 years ago. All while carrying, on average, nearly $15,000 in credit-card debt... not me. I live in 550 sq feet apartment and I have no debt.

Tuesday, March 19, 2019

March 21 - the day Osho riched the goal of mankind

What it feels like to become enlightened
From the book: The Discipline of Transcendence by Osho

I am reminded of the fateful day of 21st March, 1953. For many lives I had been working ‒ working upon myself, struggling, doing whatsoever can be done ‒ and nothing was happening.

Now I understand why nothing was happening. The very effort was the barrier, the very ladder was preventing, the very urge to seek was the obstacle. Not that one can reach without seeking. Seeking is needed, but then comes a point when seeking has to be dropped. The boat is needed to cross the river but then comes a moment when you have to get out of the boat and forget all about it and leave it behind. Effort is needed, without effort nothing is possible. And also only with effort, nothing is possible.

Just before 21st March, 1953, seven days before, I stopped working on myself. A moment comes when you see the whole futility of effort. You have done all that you can do and nothing is happening. You have done all that is humanly possible. Then what else can you do? In sheer helplessness one drops all search.

And the day the search stopped, the day I was not seeking for something, the day I was not expecting something to happen, it started happening. A new energy arose ‒ out of nowhere. It was not coming from any source. It was coming from nowhere and everywhere. It was in the trees and in the rocks and the sky and the sun and the air ‒ it was everywhere. And I was seeking so hard, and I was thinking it is very far away. And it was so near and so close.

Just because I was seeking I had become incapable of seeing the near. Seeking is always for the far, seeking is always for the distant ‒ and it was not distant. I had become far-sighted, I had lost the nearsightedness. The eyes had become focussed on the far away, the horizon, and they had lost the quality to see that which is just close, surrounding you.

The day effort ceased, I also ceased. Because you cannot exist without effort, and you cannot exist without desire, and you cannot exist without striving.

The phenomenon of the ego, of the self, is not a thing, it is a process. It is not a substance sitting there inside you; you have to create it each moment. It is like pedalling bicycle. If you pedal it goes on and on, if you don’t pedal it stops. It may go a little because of the past momentum, but the moment you stop pedalling, in fact the bicycle starts stopping. It has no more energy, no more power to go anywhere. It is going to fall and collapse.


You cannot stop desire; you can only understand it. In the very understanding is the stopping of it. Remember, nobody can stop desiring, and the reality happens only when desire stops.

The desire has to be understood. You can understand it, you can just see the futility of it. A direct perception is needed, an immediate penetration is needed. Look into desire, just see what it is, and you will see the falsity of it, and you will see it is non-existential. And desire drops and something drops simultaneously within you.

Desire and the ego exist in cooperation, they coordinate. The ego cannot exist without desire, the desire cannot exist without the ego. Desire is projected ego, ego is introjected desire. They are together, two aspects of one phenomenon.

The day desiring stopped, I felt very hopeless and helpless. No hope because no future. Nothing to hope because all hoping has proved futile, it leads nowhere. You go in rounds. It goes on dangling in front of you, it goes on creating new mirages, it goes on calling you, 'Come on, run fast, you will reach.' But howsoever fast you run you never reach.


In your hopelessness is the only hope, and in your desirelessness is your only fulfillment, and in your tremendous helplessness suddenly the whole existence starts helping you.

It is waiting. When it sees that you are working on your own, it does not interfere. It waits. It can wait infinitely because there is no hurry for it. It is eternity. The moment you are not on your own, the moment you drop, the moment you disappear, the whole existence rushes towards you, enters you. And for the first time things start happening.

Seven days I lived in a very hopeless and helpless state, but at the same time something was arising. When I say hopeless I don't mean what you mean by the word hopeless. I simply mean there was no hope in me. Hope was absent. I am not saying that I was hopeless and sad. I was happy in fact, I was very tranquil, calm and collected and centered. Hopeless, but in a totally new meaning. There was no hope, so how could there be hopelessness. Both had disappeared.

The hopelessness was absolute and total. Hope had disappeared and with it its counterpart, hopelessness, had also disappeared. It was a totally new experience ‒ of being without hope. It was not a negative state. I have to use words ‒ but it was not a negative state. It was absolutely positive. It was not just absence, a presence was felt. Something was overflowing in me, overflooding me.

And when I say I was helpless, I don't mean the word in the dictionary-sense. I simply say I was selfless. That's what I mean when I say helpless. I have recognized the fact that I am not, so I cannot depend on myself, so I cannot stand on my own ground ‒ there was no ground underneath. I was in an abyss… bottomless abyss. But there was no fear because there was nothing to protect. There was no fear because there was nobody to be afraid.


The whole day was strange, stunning, and it was a shattering experience. The past was disappearing, as if it had never belonged to me, as if I had read about it somewhere, as if I had dreamed about it, as if it was somebody else's story I have heard and somebody told it to me. I was becoming loose from my past, I was being uprooted from my history, I was losing my autobiography. I was becoming a non-being, what Buddha calls anatta. Boundaries were disappearing, distinctions were disappearing.

Mind was disappearing; it was millions of miles away. It was difficult to catch hold of it, it was rushing farther and farther away, and there was no urge to keep it close. I was simply indifferent about it all. It was okay. There was no urge to remain continuous with the past.

By the evening it became so difficult to bear it ‒ it was hurting, it was painful. It was like when a woman goes into labour when a child is to be born, and the woman suffers tremendous pain ‒ the birth pangs.

I used to go to sleep in those days near about twelve or one in the night, but that day it was impossible to remain awake. My eyes were closing, it was difficult to keep them open. Something was very imminent, something was going to happen. It was difficult to say what it was ‒ maybe it is going to be my death ‒ but there was no fear. I was ready for it. Those seven days had been so beautiful that I was ready to die, nothing more was needed. They had been so tremendously blissful, I was so contented, that if death was coming, it was welcome.


I went to sleep. It was a very strange sleep. The body was asleep, I was awake. It was so strange ‒ as if one was torn apart into two directions, two dimensions; as if the polarity has become completely focused, as if I was both the polarities together… the positive and negative were meeting, sleep and awareness were meeting, death and life were meeting. That is the moment when you can say 'the creator and the creation meet.'

It was weird. For the first time it shocks you to the very roots, it shakes your foundations. You can never be the same after that experience; it brings a new vision to your life, a new quality.

Near about twelve my eyes suddenly opened ‒ I had not opened them. The sleep was broken by something else. I felt a great presence around me in the room. It was a very small room. I felt a throbbing life all around me, a great vibration ‒ almost like a hurricane, a great storm of light, joy, ecstasy. I was drowning in it.

It was so tremendously real that everything became unreal. The walls of the room became unreal, the house became unreal, my own body became unreal. Everything was unreal because now there was for the first time reality.

When Berkley in the West said that the world is unreal, he was walking with one of his friends, a very logical man; the friend was almost a skeptic. He took a stone from the road and hit Berkley's feet hard. Berkley screamed, blood rushed out, and the skeptic said, 'Now, the world is unreal? You say the world is unreal? ‒ then why did you scream? This stone is unreal? ‒ then why did you scream? Then why are you holding your leg and why are you showing so much pain and anguish on your face. Stop this? It is all unreal.


In a dream it is so difficult to remember that this is a dream. But in the morning it is so easy. What happens? You are the same person. In the dream there is only one reality. How to compare? How to say it is unreal? Compared to what? It is the only reality. Everything is as unreal as everything else so there is no comparison. In the morning when you open your eyes another reality is there. Now you can say it was all unreal. Compared to this reality, dream becomes unreal.

There is an awakening ‒ compared to THAT reality of THAT awakening, this whole reality becomes unreal.

That night for the first time I understood the meaning of the word maya. Not that I had not known the word before, not that I was not aware of the meaning of the word. As you are aware, I was also aware of the meaning ‒ but I had never understood it before. How can you understand without experience?

That night another reality opened its door, another dimension became available. Suddenly it was there, the other reality, the separate reality, the really real, or whatsoever you want to call it ‒ call it god, call it truth, call it dhamma, call it tao, or whatsoever you will. It was nameless. But it was there ‒ so opaque, so transparent, and yet so solid one could have touched it. It was almost suffocating me in that room. It was too much and I was not yet capable of absorbing it.

A deep urge arose in me to rush out of the room, to go under the sky ‒ it was suffocating me. It was too much! It will kill me! If I had remained a few moments more, it would have suffocated me ‒ it looked like that.


For the first time I was not alone, for the first time I was no more an individual, for the first time the drop has come and fallen into the ocean. Now the whole ocean was mine, I was the ocean. There was no limitation. A tremendous power arose as if I could do anything whatsoever. I was not there, only the power was there.

That's what I mean when I say again and again 'float with the river, don't push the river'. I was relaxed, I was in a let-go. I was not there. IT was there, call it god ‒ god was there.

I would like to call it IT, because god is too human a word, and has become too dirty by too much use, has become too polluted by so many people. Christians, Hindus, Mohammedans, priests and politicians ‒ they all have corrupted the beauty of the word. So let me call it IT. IT was there and I was just carried away… carried by a tidal wave.


It is difficult to say how long I was in that state. When I went back home it was four o'clock in the morning, so I must have been there by clock time at least three hours ‒ but it was infinity. It had nothing to do with clock time. It was timeless.

Those three hours became the whole eternity, endless eternity. There was no time, there was no passage of time; it was the virgin reality ‒ uncorrupted, untouchable, unmeasurable.

And that day something happened that has continued ‒ not as a continuity ‒ but it has still continued as an undercurrent. Not as a permanency ‒ each moment it has been happening again and again. It has been a miracle each moment.


But I have never been in the body again, I am just hovering around the body. And that's why I say it has been a tremendous miracle. Each moment I am surprised I am still here, I should not be. I should have left any moment, still I am here. Every morning I open my eyes and I say, 'So, again I am still here?' Because it seems almost impossible. The miracle has been a continuity.

Just the other day somebody asked a question ‒ 'Osho, you are getting so fragile and delicate and so sensitive to the smells of hair oils and shampoos that it seems we will not be able to see you unless we all go bald.' By the way, nothing is wrong with being bald ‒ bald is beautiful. Just as 'black is beautiful', so 'bald is beautiful'. But that is true and you have to be careful about it.


Since that day the world is unreal. Another world has been revealed. When I say the world is unreal I don't mean that these trees are unreal. These trees are absolutely real ‒ but the way you see these trees is unreal. These trees are not unreal in themselves ‒ they exist in god, they exist in absolute reality ‒ but the way you see them you never see them; you are seeing something else, a mirage.

You create your own dream around you and unless you become awake you will continue to dream. The world is unreal because the world that you know is the world of your dreams. When dreams drop and you simply encounter the world that is there, then the real world.


But right now whatsoever you see is not the truth, it is a projected lie. That is the meaning of a mirage. And once you see, even for a single split moment, if you can see, if you can allow yourself to see, you will find immense benediction present all over, everywhere ‒ in the clouds, in the sun, on the earth.

This is a beautiful world. But I am not talking about your world, I am talking about my world. Your world is very ugly, your world is your world created by a self, your world is a projected world. You are using the real world as a screen and projecting your own ideas on it.

When I say the world is real, the world is tremendously beautiful, the world is luminous with infinity, the world is light and delight, it is a celebration, I mean my world ‒ or your world if you drop your dreams.

When you drop your dreams you see the same world as any Buddha has ever seen. When you dream you dream privately. Have you watched it? ‒ that dreams are private. You cannot share them even with your beloved. You cannot invite your wife to your dream ‒ or your husband, or your friend. You cannot say, 'Now, please come tonight in my dream. I would like to see the dream together.' It is not possible. Dream is a private thing, hence it is illusory, it has no objective reality.


But first you have to do all that you can do, and then you have to learn non-doing. The doing of the non-doing is the greatest doing, and the effort of effortlessness is the greatest effort.


You are your undoing, you are the barrier. Meditation is when the meditator is not. When the mind ceases with all its activities ‒ seeing that they are futile ‒ then the unknown penetrates you, overwhelms you.

The mind must cease for god to be. Knowledge must cease for knowing to be. You must disappear, you must give way. You must become empty, then only you can be full.

That night I became empty and became full. I became non-existential and became existence. That night I died and was reborn. But the one that was reborn has nothing to do with that which died, it is a discontinuous thing. On the surface it looks continuous but it is discontinuous. The one who died, died totally; nothing of him has remained.


That night the death was total. It was a date with death and god simultaneously.

Monday, March 18, 2019

Lets talk about love and relationship...

At this point in your life, you have accumulated experiences and life lessons so you can look honestly at yourself. You consider yourself a knowledgeable person but you still wonder in confusion...  

Why are you not happy?

I mean particularly in your relationship, if you have the one.

Forget what you watch in the movies or on TV. A happy relationship isn't anything like what you see there, full of romance, candlelight dinners and a trip around the world.

Ask yourself - What do you truly want?

What do you truly want? That is the crucial question. Not what someone else thinks, not your partner, spouse, family, friends.

No matter how hard you try, you feel that your relationship is not satisfying.

Do you know why?

You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what couldn't, would've happened... or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and understand your partner just reinforcing your own limiting belief about yourself.

It is not all about sex, isn't it?

It is really hard to believe but, you are attracted to the things you don’t want anything to do with.

When you’re desperately holding onto a relationship, it’s usually the attachment, not love. Love means happiness. Fear wants to hold onto whatever appears to make you happy so you don’t have to feel alone.

Your relationship is just as you are.

Much of what you see in your relationship, and the world in general, is actually a reflection of your own beliefs. You’re with your partner who leaves you feeling annoyed, nervous, troubled, suspicious, edgy, or in any way uncomfortable.

All that comes from the reflection of your hidden beliefs.

If you’re harboring fears and insecurities, your partner will do noting else but reinforce those, and as a result you’re going to feel uncomfortable around your partner. And that is a reason you are in an uncomfortable relationship.

You can leave relationship, get divorce or whatever, but you cannot leave yourself.

This is a simple truth. In the beginning of a marriage you feel loved and appreciated, because you are conditioned that marriage is something nice and you expect such loving and desiring feelings. Later, things do change.

Saturday, March 16, 2019

"You are" is imagination

 Things are changing but the ignorance stays

I'm dreaming of attaining self-realization. It is this dream, this passion that give me a sense of purpose in my life. If I lose sight of if, I will lose the reason for living. So I keep chasing this dream. That is the most important thing of my life and nothing can come even close to it.

I fight so hard to stay aware and not to lose myself in the labyrinth of daily life, in the long hours at work, in my relationships, in drinking, going out, in all kinds of other stupidities like reading daily news...

I keep my attention on what is important for me and not what others try to impose on me. I declare my willingness to continue chasing the dream of self-realization.

I don't believe that anything and anybody existed prior to myself. I don't believe in history, in evolution, in big-bang universe. I don't believe in personal or technological improvements. I don't believe in religion and church. I don't believe in conspiracy theories and extraterrestrials. Prior to my Beingness nothing was and after my Beingness nothing will be. I stand forever beyond this feeling of "me", beyond this feeling of I, beyond this subtle feeling of "I am".

It does not matter if you really understand what I just wrote here. The bottom line is... there is no "I" and no "you" in final calculation of LIFE.

If you review process of waking up in the morning, you can see that at it's very base is that you do not know yourself, and suddenly the feeling of "you" appears. The moment it appears, on borderline of deep sleep and being awake, in a split second, "you are" sense appears and you start "knowing" yourself by constant stream of thoughts so "you" as a person starts functioning. Your attention gets fixed and you assemble the world as you know it.

The world you assemble is your personal world. No one knows about your world. There are events happening around you and you supply judgement and colors the event with your emotions. You classify everything as good or bad, according to your conditioning. You fail to see that nothing in this life is really true.

Your daily life is certified as a lie when you see this temporary phase of "you are" sense.

This world is based on various personalities, on individual characters. It is pure play which is just happening of itself. You are playing your ignorant part there by imagining yourself as a player. But that is just imagination, there is no player, everything is happening spontaneously.

The sum and substance of life is nothing but to come to a firm decision, make a judgment, about yourself (what you are?) and the world (what is it?) If you pay attention to the world you are good as dead. "You are" is imagination. To see that is the only goal of your life's journey. Take this for granted or investigate for yourself.

Friday, March 15, 2019

People who made it! Made what?

"Hi, How are you?", "Oh, I am excellent, I'm great, how about you?"... I hear this conversation all day long and I see emptiness and meaninglessness in people's communication. All is good, positive attitude everywhere! But if I look at the person with attention, I notice worries and anxiety. It is difficult for me to comprehend why people laugh when they greeting each other. Why pretend?

I suppose this is because the world is as you look at it. If you approach the world with a positive attitude you should see it as a happy and pleasant place. But if you pretend, if you artificially put the mask of positive attitude then what will you see? You only see confusion. Your world is confused and contradictory place.

How to live the life with contentment?

How to be satisfied, to live with the peace of mind? The first thing is obvious, stop pretending. Second, have no expectations. If your expectations are fulfilled you are satisfied if not you are unhappy. So, drop false ideas and see through pretenses!

Our society and culture drill into our heads day and night - people who made it! Made what? Because their name appears on Yahoo news? Maybe they become rich. So what? They are still or even more frightened and confused, they are puppets like the rest of this shitty society. What does it mean, “They made it”? Having a lot of money, a big house and an expensive car have nothing to do with being a success. Do you call that making it?

What "success" really means?

Success in yoga? Having an excellent kapotasana or being a celebrity yoga teacher has absolutely nothing to do with being a success. Nothing! It is totally irrelevant.

You are living in the world of false beliefs, false preconceptions, having the personality based on imagination. You create, project, maintain your own image of reality. You strive and push to improve yourself. Constantly. You have an underlying "truth" and you live according to such "truth". Everything seems so genuine and important but the fact is that you are totally oblivious, totally unaware that there is no such thing as "success" in life.

Have you seen them? Blog posts, articles, books and internet pages about how to get rich, how to change your habits, how to change yourself from a looser (as you are now) and become a winner (something in near or no so near future). Those articles and books are designed to give you a bad feeling about yourself. Nothing else!

I don’t read such articles. Why bother? I don’t care whether they are only talking the talk or they've backed it up with some tangible results. My truth is very simple. If you want to achieve anything in life, everything starts with your health, and there are only three things in this life that you need to keep in mind:

Eat healthy,
Be physically active as much as you can.
Have an adequate dreamless sleep.

The rest of life entirely depends on your ATTITUDE.

You take simple truth and complicate it beyond comprehension. You are pushed to succeed in whatever you do, you follow ridiculous ideals which you will never attain. You follow lies in the name of truth, and display enormous ignorance in the name of knowledge.

You are convinced that things come from the outside and that somehow you must change them. So you are always one step behind, watching the events as they recede...

When you are infected with the 'I-am-the-body' virus; a whole universe springs into being. But when you have had enough of it, you cherish some fanciful ideas about liberation and pursue lines of action totally futile. You concentrate, you meditate, you torture your mind and body, you do all sorts of unnecessary things, but you miss the essential which is the elimination of the person. - Nisargadatta Maharaj