You read my blog on daily basis and I know, you are highly sensitive, intelligent and unusually perceptive, and, chances are you probably have a depression.
Depression is a topic that I frequently write about. I read internet articles about it, the remedies, theories, and personal stories of suffering of people who feel alienated from the very life they lead.
I don't know your exact story but I feel it is something wrong with your life. What you are experiencing has nothing to do with your financial situation, relationship status, your gaining weight and loosing hair.
What you’re experiencing is a beginning of awakening. It’s not your fault that you, somehow expect and relate the awakening to a great love, bliss and happiness, you've read from numerous New Age sources. You think awakening is a heart based spirituality and that is a mistake.
Going through a spiritual awakening is one of the most confusing, lonely and painful experience in life. You lived your life by being ignorant, you went throughout life pursuing the money and love in an attempt to find “happiness”.
And then something happens, the thing you've least expected. Something you did not plan and you found yourself in situation you could not had imagined. Life events have shaken you up like a tornado.
This is something what I have strongly imbedded in my life's philosophy and it can be the best described by the words of great master Ranjit Maharaj. His words are so eloquently simple and direct...
Maharaj, Who am I?
All is illusion, the 'I' is illusion, so whatever the 'I' does is also illusion. Take out the thorn of the ego. Remove the name and the shape and nothing remains. In final Reality there is no 'you', no 'I', no mind and no thought. That is your natural state.
What is awakening?
Awakening is nothing but a complete, thorough understanding. A clear cut understanding is awakening. Reality is not to be achieved, it is already here. After this thorough understanding, nothing is required.
What we need to understand?
Understand that everything is illusion. Reality is beyond knowledge. Forget everything and immediately you are the Self, in this very moment. There is nothing to reject and nothing to gain because everything is nothing. You are Self without self. Understand that 'myself' is illusion. People don't understand that illusion is nothing. Understand the mind and then it doesn't remain. Not remaining as 'I' is the highest understanding.
Who reaches Reality?
The one who doesn't care about God, who doesn't care for the illusion and doesn't care for anybody. Caring for others has nothing to do with you. One who dives to the depth of the ocean finds the pearl. Go to the depth of yourself and you will find Him.
Why?
Because you don't exist. When you don't exist, then why care for others? Others don't exist. It is your love for the illusion that keeps you away from your own Self. When you see the illusion as an illusion you will stop being fooled by it. This is the true 'understanding'. You are already the Reality. Why waste time running after the unreal?
And the last message?
If you want to realize your Self, you must devote your entire life to It. Otherwise, what is the use of life? Be fearless. Roar like a tiger. Don't be like a mouse, always running away. The one who doesn't want to know anything is the Reality. Illusory 'I' has no real existence, the world has no existence. Take it for granted.
Welcome to the awakening!
The beginning of awakening starts by clear seeing through the lies and falseness of the world. Deep in your gut, you realize that nothing external has ever, and can ever, bring you happiness. This profound realization leaves you craving for something else.
I can give you an unsolicited advice, cut unnecessary things from your life, all those distractions on which you spend time pretending you are doing something. Do nothing.
There is no good and bad in life there is only necessary and unnecessary. Everything that is necessary is good. Everything unnecessary should be removed from your life.
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