I do it for the joy it brings

i do it for the joy it brings
because i'm a joyful guy
because the world owes me nothing
and we owe each other the world
i do it because it's the least i can do
i do it because i learned it from you
i do it just because i want to
because I want to

I have discovered how stupid my thoughts can be. Of course I talk to myself. All the time. My inner dialogue goes all the time. My mind works and I take every sentence that have been said over and over in my head. Why? When? How? and again Why?

But here is the catch...

In the last 20 years, I've searched for enlightenment and I practiced self-study and self-inquiry, meditation and non-attachment so my ability to observe thoughts as a third person helps me a lot.

everything i do is judged
and you mostly get it wrong
but oh well
the truth is the stuff that i say
and you look me in the eye
would you prefer the easy way?
no, well o.k. then
don't cry

Hundreds of hours of self-observation differentiates me from taking the stupid meaning of thoughts for something serious. I watch the stories in my mind and I see that they don't serve me, rather they take me further away from myself.

I learned that it is the attention that shifts my attitude toward problems. When attention is active the stories I tell myself change.

and i wonder if everything i do
i do instead
of something i want to do more
the question fills my head
i know that there's no grand plan here
this is just the way it goes
and when everything else seems unclear
i guess at least i know

I learned that I don’t have to waste one minute creating stories that get me nowhere. I don’t have to turn my feelings into a huge drama. Things are so much simpler. I can accept what happens...

I can accept, surrender, and move on.

i do it for the joy it brings...

Living the life appears to be so real, and to proclaim that it is only a dream seems sheer nonsense. How can this be true?

My friend, Life is simple. Life is short. Life is for living it from moment to moment. But your life has a shadow, which is made up of the demands you make on the life. 

Everybody has his or her own demands. Some people feel like the life hasn't given them enough. Others believe the life is not safe enough. Some want everything to be peaceful. The various demands one can make on the life or on oneself go on and on. These demands form a shadow, an overlay which is nothing but a dream.

All my life I've been told to make the most of my time, to live up to my full potential, follow my dreams, focus, find my purpose or direction, contribute, learn and understand, work effectively, live in the moment, keep my head and stay sane, use my common sense, be mature and sensible, please important others, conform to certain standards and be pleasant and courteous.

Standard belief systems, whether orthodox or new-age, mainstream or alternative, serve to keep me together with others like in a herd. I am heading slowly nowhere in an orderly manner. 

Whether I believe in something or believe I don't believe in anything makes no difference. There is only the herd.

Every once in a while a single beast does leave the herd. Never a group or even a pair. When they go, they go one at a time.