It was a journey and never a destination

I write an honest post, describing my current life circumstances and my inner state. And then comes my girlfriend and tells me - if you really love me, please delete what you said about me... and guess what, I delete everything. 

I wonder who is writing all this. In any case you will not find any reference to her anymore on these pages.

It is past midnight, I am fully awake, and I clearly see that I am at a point in my life where two paths diverging in front of me. I don't want to sound dramatic but I have found myself at a crossroad.

 It looks like I studied over there. 😉

Blue skies, sandy beach... look, I just named two awesome things. Cuddling, kissing, loving... you know what's awesome? EVERYTHING! Everything is awesome, everything is cool ... everything is awesome when you're living your dream.

Am I living my dream? I suspend judgment. I don't live a life of a common sense. If I do so I will never find out what I really am.

My dear reader,  

you may say you are reading my bullshit and it is infantile. I'm boring. I should not write this shit...  I get it, I only want to tell you that I don't follow common sense, the constant care what others think about me. I know my wishful thinking is killing me. But you, you hold onto it with all your strength without even noticing.

I write here my feelings, I send it to the Universe at large. I'm not needy of your attention. I am a straightforward story teller. I see myself merely as the witness. That's all.

You and I are complete opposites. Your need so much admiration from others. I can see all those small talks, where you fully expose your ego. Your desire to be loved only strengthen your narcissistic self.

You always leave a safety valve in your life, whatever you do you have second option, you're trying to sit on two, three and more chairs. You don't take a responsibility that you are alive, here and now.

Attention is only what you really have in this life. Your money, house, car etc.. are nothing. You only have attention. And everyone is steal it from you, moment by moment, by routine, repetition and busyness.

There are no shortcuts in life 😂

I don't have a tendency to think only good things will come, nothing keeps me chained to the past. My life doesn't exist anymore. I know that I am utterly alone and that's fine. Let it be. I have no worries, nothing to do, to get! I'm not obligated to anyone! 

You may be sad now, but even in your sadness, you have to come and realize that everyone is responsible for its own life.

Don't analyze, just observe... you'll be terrified. You'll see how painfully harsh and tough towards others you love. That will shock you. 

Even now as I post this I find myself concerned your feelings will be hurt. But know well, this isn’t really written for you... it’s written for me.