Blue skies, sandy beach... look, I just named two awesome things. Cuddling, kissing, loving... you know what's awesome? EVERYTHING! Everything is awesome, everything is cool... everything is awesome when you're living your dream.
Let's suspend judgment. I'm living a dream.
You may say you are reading my bullshit blog and it's infantile posts. Maybe, I'm boring. I should not write this shit... I get it, but I want to tell you that I don't follow your common sense and the constant care what others will think about you.
I really don't give a shit for what you think about me. Here, on these pages
are my feelings, well, mostly my disappointments; the good feelings are
difficult to write about. This is a way how I complain to the universe at
large.
I created this universe 59 years ago. Until then nothing existed. I didn't
have the sense of "I". Now, with the "I" sense I've created this
universe and this body in it.
This is the whole point of life, to understand that my creation is the
false creation. I'm here and now, in this exact time and place, to get to
know my real self in all this falseness. Self-real-I-zation.
To get it, I do certain things, the things most of people don't bother
about. I look at my life like an outside observer, I
meditate, holding my attention onto the sense of presence, I'm not
wasting my time on unimportant things.
59 years on this shitty planet
Probably, my friend, you're going to say that I have nothing to complain
about. I have a nice, quiet, more or less healthy life, I'm free from
worries... You are quite right.
I am healthy, doing yoga and roaming the streets of
West Bloor Village, mostly from High Park to Jane street, keeping
myself fit.
I have no close family here, my daughter is everything to me. She is living
on her own, I don't bother her too much, I would say she is a happy young
woman.
I have my wife I love. She is now in Belgrade, but things are going
to change this summer. She will come to live with me. We will travel a lot
and yes, we're going to have a time of our life.
I have a nice job, who provides me both the money and satisfaction for my
creativity. I'm a computer consultant, the contractor, free from full time
employee's bullshit like performance reviews and unnecessary social
meetings... I work that's what I do then I fill out my timesheet and I get
paid. That's it. I do job on my own schedule enjoying what I do.
Finally, I have my buddies, I go out laugh, drink and have a fun.
Life is a journey, not a destination and yet...
I feel deep inside myself longing for more spirituality. I am satisfied with
things I have now, but somehow I find it all superficial... I want to share
my happiness and my calmness with others; I want to laugh more with my
friends.
It makes me so sad that people suffer. Pain is physical feeling that you
have to pay attention to, but suffering is all mental problem,
completely unnecessary. This deep inner dissatisfaction in my heart
sometimes, suddenly, takes me over and I shiver on the thought that I am
also wasting my time.
I don't think good things will come, getting old sucks big way. But it is not
that that bothers me, I see so clearly the emptiness and meaninglessness of
life. That can be so funny for you because you don't get it yet. I wonder, am
I utterly alone in this understanding?
I may be sad or happy, but even in my sadness or happiness, this life I'm having right now just goes
on, from event to event.
If you ponder what I'm talking about here you may be puzzled. You may see how
painfully harsh and tough truth is. The realization that your life is not real
might shock you. The question asked is -
How to live an unreal life? Let me tell you.. you just accept
things as they come.
I am not so concerned have you understood this in a correct manner. Because,
this isn’t really written for you... it’s written for me.
