Why I didn't have more kids?

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As a seven years old kid I wondered what is the reason people get married. I was a good observer and I noticed that not a single family is happy. As a kid I could not understand why so many men and women are living together being married and then quarrel about trivial issues, obviously, deep down, they hate each other. I observed the same thing in my family and the families of my relatives and in the neighborhood.

In my first grade in school, I vowed that I will never get married and I will never have children. I think people make kids without ever thinking about them, without any responsibility for the future of those kids. Very early in my life, I noticed that everyone born here, on this planet, is a slave.

I remember exact time when my daughter was conceived. After wedding party, my ex and me were under pressure from my parents to have a baby. Every morning was the same question - is there something new? And under those circumstances, one day we decided to have a baby.

My daughter was born nine months later and my life changed completely. My ex had a surgery, when she got out of the hospital she could not sit at all, so I took care of my daughter. I was giving her food, I remember exactly 60 ml of baby formula, I would bath her, I's changing her diapers... almost 3 months.


28 years forward, I still feel a tremendous responsibility for her. 

I would divorce my ex a long before we actually split but I was always thinking about my daughter. My ex did not have a job and I did not know how she will support herself.

When you take a moment and look around at the world, things are really messed up. Just watch the 6 o’clock news. What will you see? News about wars, riots, conflicts, illness, poverty...

Sure, the mainstream media strategy is to sell bullshit and keep you focused on such things, but besides that, if you look closely, it reveals something about the state of awareness of humanity as a whole.

Just look at us. Everything is backwards, everything is upside down. Doctors destroy health, lawyers destroy justice, psychiatrists destroy minds, scientists destroy truth, major media destroys information, religions destroy spirituality and governments destroy freedom. - Michael Ellner

This quote is a simplified way of looking at the state of humanity. I can freely say the whole humanity experiment is failing, and main reason for that is profit. I don't like this planet, the world and this  bullshit society.


Two years ago I made my last will and in front of two witnesses signed it in the lawyers office. I'm leaving all my material possessions, everything I have, to my daughter. Nothing will change that. 

I did not want to bring another kid to this living condition. I have her, I'm proud of her but at the same time I feel  guilt giving her life in this world. I think she deserved better than this planet and I feel responsible for bringing her here. I did not wanted to have more kids.


UPDATE:

My daughter read this post and she sent me a message... she said.. it is okay, she loves me and she is happy that she was born with such parents. 





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