While America quietly sleeping

Out of nowhere we had a great party at my place last night. We were drinking, singing, dancing and laughing. We stayed late, it was well passed 1 am when my friends went home.

I bought stove, refrigerator and dishwasher on Wednesday and today is the delivery. I want to replace my old black and dirty appliances with the stainless steal, new ones. Last night, I called my friend Damir to disconnect the old dishwasher, he came then we called another friend and that's how the party started.

I got up at 7 am this morning with hang over. I had to remove the appliances, clean and prepare for delivery. 

Next Friday I 'm going to Serbia, which unfortunately I cannot call home. Serbia is my birthplace but my home is here in Toronto.

I'm finishing preparation for the trip, I have bought money in € for Airbnb apartment I have reserved, I got cigarettes in order, still need to get my pills. I bought presents for my father, couple more things and I'm done.

I will stay in Belgrade for 17 days, in a rented apartment. Last year I stayed in a hotel and I did not like it. I have given up all my inheritance in Serbia to my niece, she takes care of my father. I don't believe I will ever live in Serbia again. It is not possible due to my job. However, I may buy one bedroom apartment in Belgrade, somewhere in 2024. For next year all my finances are already booked.

My friends, I don't wait for “someday” to start living. My plan is so clear, pay off the mortgage next year and travel as much as possible. I don't save money for retirement. There is no such thing as retirement.

It is so ridiculous, when I get old, I mean very old, I'll be too tired to live up to the expectation that people have of retirement. For everybody I know, the retirement is an ultimate escape. You pushed aside living at present moment so that you could live up to something that doesn’t exist.

To really live, and enjoy, you’ve got to let go of hopes and expectations. Cherish your life and the present time. If something happens, it happens, it is not that you make it happen, it just does. If it doesn’t, then it wasn’t meant to; let it go. You think if you don’t interfere things won’t happen.

Life is meant to be fun. It doesn’t go anywhere it just is, in this very moment. It is easy and effortless, but by waiting for something better you rarely recognize it for what it is.

My retirement is Ashtanga yoga. Every time I step on the yoga mat I'm so happy that I'm still here, moving and looking breathlessly in this shitty world. It is a wonder seeing all this bullshit, inside and outside of my mind.