The mastery of mysteries

After work at 5 pm I went to pick up my daughter for a dinner at Ka Chi restaurant in Toronto. We had nice conversation. She asked me about my premature return to Toronto. I told her everything in details, explaining it for a half an hour. When I finished I was hoping she understands me but then she asked why did I cut my vacation short? I was stunned, then I said - I returned because I felt like a bankomat! "Bankomat" is a German word but she understood perfectly what I was trying to tell her for the last half hour.

Anyway, fuck it, I'm not going to say a word anymore about my return to Toronto. My mind was dwelling a way too long on that subject that I missed a great anniversary. It has passed 21 years since I started my conscious spiritual journey, my search for freedom.

I started my spiritual journey on January 2nd, 2002. 

I came from the New Years party earlier than I had planned so I was on the internet browsing some pages. I came to the Emerald Tablets of Thoth, the Atlantean. I read it and I was fascinated with the language. I had no clue what was I reading. It just sounded so nice. 

I, THOTH, the Atlantean, 
master of mysteries, 
keeper of records, 
mighty king, 
living from generation to generation, 
being about to go away, 
set down the guidance of 
those that are to come after, 
these records of 
the mighty wisdom 
of Great Atlantis.

I printed the text and then I started to study it. I got books about esoteric philosophy and then other books and other books. I started with Theosophy, Carlos Castaneda, Osho, then Gurdjieff, and later Ramana Maharshi and Nisargadatta Maharaj. No one directly told me about these teachers. I found them on my own.

Finding the truth, seeing what is real, and leading a best possible life with the culmination of enlightenment is what the spiritual journey is all about. Walking the spiritual path is not straightforward as we may wish.

There are two paths in human life. One is the path of liberation, the second is the path of rebirth. There are no other choices, not on this earth... and I want not to be born again, not certainly here on this planet. So, with all my strength, I'm working toward self-realization. That's the most important matter for me.  

To be quite honest, the journey toward self-realization is simple, yet the process of understanding that simplicity is complicated. In order to understand the simplicity of what we are, we must see and understand our own mind. 

We should first understand that we don't need any teachings, instructions, and guidance from others. We don't need to look at someone who has traveled the path before because each path is unique and no one can give valid and confident advice about how others could travel this same path. 

Somebody has sold us the idea that we were born and that memory stays very firm with us. Initially, we did not have this memory but our mother or somebody else rammed it down our throat. Subsequently, this concept was reinforced with steady effort like a driving a nail into a wall.

In our life everything acquired its value only when we came to know about our existence. That is the basic feeling "I am" sense, "I exist". It is the first and last memory. The "I am" sense is false, it just appears to be here and now.

On this basic cheat, this "I am" feeling, this memory of presence, we have created a grand 'I am the person' idea. But this is a mental state and does not last. It comes and goes like all other states. The illusion of being the person is here, only because it is not investigated. Non-investigation is the thread on which all the states of mind are based.

The spiritual path is the process of cutting through our own beliefs, cutting through our paranoias. So it is not a matter of learning the ancient knowledge, the mastery of mysteries is the burning out the confusions which we so carefully take care off.