You do not take a trip, a trip takes you

I'm a fucking idiot. I feel so stupid now, I should know better! Recently, I wrote so many posts about helping others to understand spiritual awakening, especially my loved ones - my daughter, niece, friends etc. I was lead by the idea to help them regarding spirituality but I understand now that is meaningless endeavor.

No one can be pushed into spiritual life. There is no person, there are ideas and beliefs and those concepts needs to go. The imagined person cannot be advised to step on spiritual path because it has no existence. I was trying so hard to convince people I am close with to turn towards awakening without really taking this facts into consideration.

I see now that my recent posts are so fucking stupid, I'm ashamed of them but I'll not delete them. I will not delete any post anymore from this blog. Let everyone see how stupid I am.

A journey is a person in itself; no two are alike. And all plans, safeguards, policing, and coercion are fruitless. We find that after years of struggle that we do not take a trip; a trip takes us. ~ John Steinbeck

I should never force enlightenment, awakening, spiritual beliefs, or a way of life on anyone!

I'm writing this because after coming to this realization, I noticed that my recent behavior was inappropriate a kind of  spiritual snobbery. I have no clue from where this aggressive need to force my understanding to the people who are really not that interested in this way of life.

The fact is everyone need to come to their own conclusions in life. No matter how big an opportunity, no matter how easy it is, even if something is so painstakingly obvious, it doesn’t matter. People, including my dear close friends, want to make their own decisions and I have no right to force my way of life upon them.

Behind my stupid recent behavior, my intense need to change people and recruit them for the awakening, could be my own mistake seeking validation. The spiritual journey is beyond personality and daily life, sometimes it leaves me wondering and questioning reality. If I have someone to talk to, it seems less scary. But I have to embrace the fear and do it on my own.

Love is a dog from hell, tells us Bukowski and now I understand what he meant. Generally love is not a good thing because it make you different of what you really are. When you're in love you're not free, you have a blinders around your eyes, just like a horse puling the cart. Only what you see and consider is what she tells you and what does she meant by it. Love makes you open to be hurt, by behavior and by words, especially words.

I'm not enlightened guy, I'm working on it. I still crave for acceptance and validation of my decisions. I forgot that spirituality, while it is one of the most connecting things to other people, it is also one of the most solitary and individual experience. Awakening needs to be faced alone. All conclusion and realization that come should be our own.

This is why I sincerely apologize to my daughter, and my relatives and friends, I apologize to everyone who reads this. I should not force my beliefs onto you, because the spirituality is a personal experience for everyone. It is so wrong to convince you that it is the right thing for you. 

I am available to everyone who wants my help and are asking questions. I can be very helpful to someone who is just getting started, but ultimately they will still need to find their own way.

To wrap up, the things I have spoken about in this post do not only hold true for spirituality, but also any other daily life thing. I have escaped the rat race and I'm fine being alone. I strive for total freedom and I wish you the same but I'll write my posts addressing only the people who wants to listen.

The only life you can live is your own; I cannot control anyone else’s destination or path. I like to know those around me but I'm stopping my wish for their approval of what I'm doing. I'll not meddle in their spiritual journey and I don't need their validation of my journey. Lets get out there and start living!